Microsoft Windows Vista licences.
Hey, I said inconvenience, not unusable!
I sell time travel to the future via waiting for time to pass.
The best type of time travel!
That’s a really good one.
Windows 10 laptops with only 4GB of RAM
And a slow HDD instead of a SSD.
4GB is too much, I found some Windows 10 laptops with 2GB.
haha that’s so wrong!
4gb of ram? No. suitcase laptop from the 1990s but remanufactured so it doesn’t have collector’s value.
All dongles and chargers are out of stock though, sorry.
Same stuff, but it all sits at the back in a storeroom, and customers queue up to ask for items, then you go fetch them, one by one…
you are a professional torcherer
laptops with glossy screens
The screens are all just mirrors and the staff pretends they’re not.
Exactly, and it blows my mind that glossy screens on laptops became standard. At least on a desktop monitor you can place it where you don’t get glare. The whole point of a laptop is that it’s portable and you don’t know what light conditions you’re going to be using it in.
electronics with empty batteries
electronics with empty batteries
Shh… don’t give Apple ideas.
free beer but paid access to toilets
A lightbulb that has to be switched a random number of times before actually being switched
same stuff, but you have to pay cash and i don’t accept the local currency
Even better if you accept a hyperinflated currency and use someone who keeps losing count and starting over at the register.
not so much what i sell as how i sell it: i only accept Bitcoin and i use years-outdated exchange rates.
Only use rates that favor the store in either direction. .90/btc or less for purchases $60000/btc or more for returns.
Milk, but only in bags of 50ml cartons that are extra-difficult to open, priced just low enough that you’ll be annoyed with yourself for spending more if you buy a larger container elsewhere.
Keyboards which won’t register about 5% of the keypresses and drinks that make you more thirsty than you already were.
Like silicone keyboards and sunny d?
What don’t I sell?
My store is 100 stories tall, 25 stories deep, and has the footprint of a major airport. Full of stuff from everywhere and for everyone.
The inventory is all on tracks and shifts around based on your interests/spying on your phone/social media/video and audio surveillance.
You need milk? Go to aisle 237569b on floor 36.
By the time you get there, the milk would have moved to aisle 27a on floor 22. The escalators work on reverse consensus- only go the direction the store occupants least want to go. There are no elevators or regular stairs.
If you have any allergies, those items will follow you with more and more agressive advertising.
There are 4 entrences and nobody can exit the way they came in.
The parking lot is the size of Montana and you have to take a train to the roof and go down escalators on the outside of the building to enter at ground level.
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You are not allowed to bring any bags and we don’t sell any as well
And if you try to leave with unbagged items, the off duty police officer who moonlights as security here will arrest you.
Hot beer, that is kept in an oven.
the floor is lava
craft beer shop slash casino? i’m sure some hipsters would love that.
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