I’m starting to think that my life is over and I don’t want to live anymore. As of writing this I am a 23 year old woman with no qualifications or education. I have learning disabilities and my IQ is just 76. I struggle with things like talking, maths and spelling and I can’t find a job.
When I was a kid I knew I was different. Things that were easy for the other kids to do took me ages to learn. Kids used to make fun of me because of the way I talked and in general I could fit in. As I got older my learning disabilities become more noticeable. I was diagnosed with ADHD and low intelligence and therefore struggled academically but my dad refused to put me in a special education program because he thought it would be an embarrassment. School was very hard for me. I would work my ass off just to get C’s and B’s and my father was very abusive. He would expect me to do well in school and if I didn’t he would beat and punish me. I had to repeat the 7th and 9th grade but I eventually graduated but very poor grades and no qualifications. When I was around 15-18 started to do drugs like weed and alcohol just to cope.
I left my parents house when I was 19 and went to live with a friend. I have very little money as I’m addicted to drugs and my lack of education makes getting a job practically impossible. I don’t see my life going anywhere and when I’m not on drugs I’m miserable. My brothers and sisters have done so much better then me and it makes me so jealous, angry and ashamed. I know this may sound cringe but I honestly can’t do this anymore.
EDIT: I now have a job at Burger King as a cook. It’s not glamorous but it’s some money.
Hi. I hope my own experience can help you. I have a whole bunch of learning disabilities and very bad anxiety/panic issues. I graduated high school with a 5th grade reading level; and frankly I was pissed. No one should have fallen between the cracks as much as I did.
I got stubborn and angry and I did something about it. I refused to let life just push me down and accept it. It’s a bumpy, rocky, uphill climb. But you can do it.
IQ doesn’t mean crap. I encourage you to go out there. Walk outside. And be pissed off at everyone who told you that you were not good enough. Now imagine proving them wrong. Let that guide you a bit.
Feel free to PM me if you want to talk. I’ve been in your shoes. It does 100% get better.
Why does everyone think IQ doesn’t mean anything? It does and you’re insane for thinking it doesn’t. My whole life I have been held back by IQ so it’s very annoying to see people dismiss it.
IQ is an attempt to represent a persons problem solving abilities with a single number. This is bullshit, because intelligence isn’t that simple. There’s different kinds of intelligence. Some people are better at some kinds of intelligence, while others have their strenghts in other areas.
“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
I understand how frustrating that must be. It sucks to have people tell you all of your life that you can’t do certain things because of your intelligence and then have someone tell you it’s “not real”.
I think most people who say this (including the person you’re replying to) are trying to reassure you, not dismiss you. The origins of IQ are arguably racist/classist and the science behind it is disputed by many. I was told all my life that i had an above average IQ, but i never understood why. I didn’t feel smarter than my classmates and I did poorly in school. I later learned that I did well on the IQ test because of my economic background and the resources that I had available to me from a young age.
Intelligence is such a broad concept that we frankly don’t fully understand yet. So the fact that we measure peoples intelligence and worth over a number is bullshit and dystopian. This is where the split in your experience comes from. You feel the effects of a low IQ because society values it too much. But most people know it’s a metric that’s used as a cudgel against others.
In other words, I very much believe that you are treated differently and have fewer opportunities as a result of your IQ, but that’s an indictment of our society; not you. On top of it all, it sounds like you didn’t have the support network that other people have. Verbal and physical abuse from the people who should be our guardians and champions (your father) will stomp the spirit out of anyone.
I know it might not be comforting, but I read your post and you didn’t seem unintelligent to me. Sure, your sentence structure might be different than mine, but you seem like a thoughtful and connected person. What I’m missing, most likely, is the effort, time and energy that it may have taken you to write your original post, which i dont want to discount. But you’re able to get your thoughts and feelings across just fine, at least in the form of writing.
Alright, enough with the pep-talk. Do you have any interests or things you like to spend time with? Video games? Animals? Exercise? Drawing? Writing? Makeup? Anime? Cooking? It doesn’t matter if you think you’re bad at them – I’d recommend pursuing those interests. Sometimes volunteer work opens up opportunities that you haven’t considered. It can also help you create that social safety net that I was talking about earlier.
I would try to get a job that gets you by (I know, easier said than done). Something like janitor work, fast food, retail, or hotel service. It doesn’t have to be permanent, but just something to keep a cashflow while you give yourself time and room to grow. I’m not sure where your located, but I would check for non-profits or local orgs that offer assistance to folks.
Don’t let our psychotic and unhealthy society dictate your worth. You are a human being who has thoughts and feelings. Your ability to hold a job or quuckly solve a problem is relatively superficial.
“Do you have any interests or things you like to spend time with? Video games? Animals? Exercise? Drawing? Writing? Makeup? Anime? Cooking? It doesn’t matter if you think you’re bad at them – I’d recommend pursuing those interests.”
I don’t really have much interests tbh. Makeup is way to expensive and I don’t have the ability to care for a animal. I don’t really watch shows cuz I don’t have the attention span. Same with art.
IQ only measures how good you are at taking IQ tests. They recalibrate score every year to maintain the same distribution of scores within a year. (they change what each question is worth so every year 50% of tests get above 100, 40% of tests are between 85 and 100, 40% of tests are between 100 and 115, etc.)
The impact is that they have to make the tests harder every year. If you applied modern standards to 1920, the average score would be ~70.
What makes more sense to you, that 8/10 people today would be considered near-geniuses 100 years ago, or we got much better at taking IQ tests?
IQ does not define your destiny.
I don’t know what my IQ is. Nor do I care what it is.
You sound smart enough to ask for advice. I don’t think your IQ is as low. Let’s go through some steps. You can type, read, write, use the Internet, figure out how to get on the fedi, realize you have an issue, and you asked for advice. That’s more than 99% of people can do. My parents couldn’t do what you did.
I was once told a story about an IT worker. They got called by a doctor about their mouse not working. The IT person tries to troubleshoot the issue with no luck. They go over to the Doctor’s work station. The Doctor is trash talking them. The IT guy looks at the computer and realizes the issue instantly. The mouse is upside down. (This is a true story)
We are all smart in our own ways. We all have talents and gifts. What can you do well? And if you don’t know that answer; ask your friends. Take inventory of yourself.
Honestly I thought it was a fake story because of how they presented themselves while doing in on a very niche fediverse platform like Lemmy where practically only people end up who are very interested in technology, politics, freedom, etc. All topics which require quite a degree of abstract thinking and knowledge.
So even if this IQ number were correct, which I have a hard time to believe because if how eloquent they use language and how analytic they see their life, it probably has no base in reality but was a test fluke.
IQ only means something within a small subset of the establishment. It’s a made up thing that is highly biased towards white European men. Yes, the system will hold you back if they determine you to have a low IQ, but for thousands of years people of all intelligences successfully lived in societies with others.
You have to give up the belief that the system is the sum total of reality. It’s the reason you wonder if your life is over at 23 - because the system is narrow and myopic and only has a little space in it and everyone else is pushed out. But the system isn’t even half of real life, and when you find the rest of life by giving up on the system you’ll find your life is just beginning.
Carl Jung even said that life doesn’t start until 40 - everything before that is just research.
Well, you’re both right. IQ means something, but it’s only a predictor for outcomes. Many high-IQ people have led very mediocre lives and many low-IQ people have had very successful lives. Certainly, a high IQ can make life easier for you, as can being born in a prosperous country, having a wealthy family, knowing the right people, or getting lucky. The other half of that equation is hard work.
From what you’ve said, you don’t have good family connections, high IQ or know the right people. You haven’t said where you live. There may be resources there to help you, or not. Either way, accessing those resources or getting ahead without them will be hard work. If you decide to go down that path, there will be pretty menial jobs, long hours, and not much money. There will be a lot of hard work in your down time to see what you can do to improve your abilities so you can improve your prospects in the future. Likely you will find none of this fun. There’s no guarantee it will succeed. But, like with many people, those are typically the only options before you to get someplace better.
Speaking for myself as someone who was dismissive, my best contribution to the answers here is that it’s reductionist to a seriously misleading extent. It seems like you have a couple of conditions contributing to your struggle, but it all gets reduced to “your number is too low.” As others have alluded to, how much of that is your adhd? How much is from some condition you may have that hasn’t been diagnosed because you have been unsupported throughout your life? I don’t think anyone is denying that you have real neurological conditions that hinder you, they just doubt low IQ as being a meaningful description of what you’re facing compared to something that gives a better causal explanation.
Yeah, it totally does mean something. But you shouldn’t let that knowledge keep you in a box. You really have to find out what you’re good at and give yourself to that.
TL;DR: Skip to the last paragraph.
So, I studied psychology in university and this is to the best of my knowledge.
IQ is basically scientifically outdated and based in racism and classism. The guy who popularized IQ testing in the US, Lewis Terman, was a horrible racist who loved using it to prove White people were superior to black people. There are much newer theories of intelligence that view it more as a domain-based thing (e.g. someone might not be musically intelligent, but they might be mathematically intelligent and so on).
There are also different ways your score could’ve been thrown off, too, especially if your ADHD is relatively severe. Unless you have some sort of developmental disability like Down syndrome, it’s actually pretty likely your IQ is roughly the same as your siblings’.
Honestly, the real issue here is the ADHD. Take it from someone who also has it: if left unchecked, it can be a life-ruiner. I was a B and C student and had no clue why until I was almost 23 and finally got diagnosed. I got into university, but it was only after spending 4 years in community college. The guy who diagnosed me said that he doesn’t know how I actually managed to do it. He said it was like I had been trying to swim with cement blocks tied to my feet.
Forget intelligence for a second. You are very obviously an capable person. You worked hard in school, you have a good command of the English language, and you’re holding down a job in fast food (a field that sent me to tears multiple times, mind you). Your problem is that you’ve had a very rough life with little support. Prioritize kicking your addictions (maybe try and find a recovery group). See a therapist to talk through your father’s abuse. See a psychiatrist to talk about medication for ADHD (non-narcotic, of course). You deserve to be satisfied with your life, and I believe you can get there.
I’m gonna be the cynic and say it - I think what we have here is a scammer hoping people will reach out with donations.
The account didn’t exist before this post was made. OP has a 76 IQ but uses perfect sentence structure, grammar, punctuation, paragraphs and five-syllable words like qualification. My spidey sense is tingling.
I support you on the cynic side. But in case this post is authentic, I hope OP struggles through all difficulties in her life with modern technology like spell-checkers.
Good luck, OP.
I’m looking for evidence that this post is real. It is too perfect, like the stuff chatgpt produces. But I’m old and very cynical.
One alternative is her low IQ diagnosis was off. I suggest seeing someone to have that rechecked. If it turned out to be closer to the average 100 it could make her feel more positive about her own potential.
Absolutely this. This is a scam and a completely unconvincing one.
Thank you. I’ve worked on my grammar a lot. I struggle with it. I sometimes wonder if I’m doing something wrong or if I’ve misspelled something. A lot of the time I have I commonly misspell things or forget to include words. My speech-to-text thing on my phone helps if it wasn’t for that I wouldn’t be able to write things this well.
When I was that school during my last year and a half my English teacher finally let me use my phone in English. I was able to check spellings and and find words if I was struggling. It helped a lot. As for the donation theory. I didn’t include any payment offer so that wouldn’t work but know that I think of it I wouldn’t be against it. Lol
You vastly overestimate the competence of the workforce in general. If you show up on time, work hard, and work to improve over time (don’t expect to be perfect! Just learn from mistakes!) you will be a coveted employee.
Hopefully this leads to improved feelings of self worth.
Reminds me of the YouTuber Mat Armstrong w/motto “Hard work beats talent.”
As others have said, pick a trade. Make bank. Get some friends who value you for you. F everyone else. Not literally lol
“You don’t need to be smart, you just need to be useful.”
I live by this creed everyday and it’s served me well. I don’t count myself as smart, but I do have some skills that others dont and vice versa and that’s enough to get stuff done
Yeah well good luck with adhd at: work hard, show on time, remember that you have any work at all
First month is always all cool and nice thanks to inhumane amount of energy but then it catches up with you and you plunge hard
The more monotonous and routine something is the worse it gets. Same tram every day at same hour? Two weeks max before inevitable disappearance to never appear again.
It’s like walls are closing on you and anxiety attacks start and you have to run and regain your strength to try anew somewhere else.
Once it got so bad I almost got paranoidal psychosis because I just felt so bad so to preserve my mental health I had to disappear and barricade for half a year to recoup.
It’s no fun standing in public and feeling like you are about to die, freaking out about it, freaking out about freaking out about it and that you are crazy, running like mad from the place that gave you this suffocating feeling
I dunno if all ADHD is exactly like yours, but I doubt it. Your version sounds pretty hellish, to put it lightly.
Good info though, thanks for deeming us worthy of your time (not sarcastically) and sharing your experience. Pretty eye opening for us neurotypicals.
Oh wait that’s an ADHD symptom? I’m considering going nomadic atm maybe that makes it bearable.
-
This doesn’t look like it was written by someone that isn’t intelligent.
-
You’re probably self medicating yourself through ADHD and/or anxiety and it’s also not helping with the anxiety and/or depression you might be experiencing.
-
20s is prime “what do I do with my life” for most - and it doesn’t always go away as you age.
“1. This doesn’t look like it was written by someone that isn’t intelligent.”
Thanks👍
“3. You’re probably self medicating yourself through ADHD and/or anxiety and it’s also not helping with the anxiety and/or depression you might be experiencing.”
Idk why you’re saying this I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD but not with anxiety. I’ve never been diagnosed with depression tho.
“3. 20s is prime “what do I do with my life” for most - and it doesn’t go away with as you get older”
It’s not that I don’t know what to do with my life it’s that I’ve got nothing to do with my life as I’ve got no resources. I have no education and the education I do have is pretty bad and I have qualifications for anything. There’s a lot of things I wanted to do. I wanted to be a nurse, I wanted to go to university/college, I wanted be a programmer ect ect but I just couldn’t.
I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD but not with anxiety. I’ve never been diagnosed with depression tho.
I’ve got ADHD too, and I can see some similarities in how my struggles in school (influenced by ADHD behavior) led to constant anxiety, frequent depressive episodes, and overall poor self-esteem. It’s pretty darn common for people with ADHD to have these kinds of issues because they’re often told it’s all their fault, when in actuality their community failed to give them the support they needed.
There’s a lot of things I wanted to do. I wanted to be a nurse, I wanted to go to university/college, I wanted be a programmer ect ect but I just couldn’t.
First off, it’s really good that you have ideas of what you want to do, that’s half the battle. The other thing is that these things can be achieved, they’ll just take time. Just because you didn’t do X thing before X time doesn’t mean you’re shut off from that forever, especially with things like getting a job you care about or going to uni. Those things can be built up to. Exactly how that will happen depends on your circumstances, but I know lots of people who worked a job they cared less about to support getting certifications or education, so it absolutely can be done. Having those aspirations is step one, so you’re already in a position to keep going that direction. The big thing is to remember you’ve got blind spots and you don’t know all your options, so doing research and asking help will help you get there.
deleted by creator
Disclaimer: I’m not a social worker or other mental health professional or anything in any way related to those.
I’m a bit over twice your age though, so I’m speaking based on my experience in life.
There’s a lot of things I wanted to do. I wanted to be a nurse, I wanted to go to university/college, I wanted be a programmer ect ect but I just couldn’t.
All those occupations you listed require very specific types of intelligence. I fully agree with the poster above who said that there are many different types of intelligence. To expand on that a little, someone may be the best car mechanic or cook in town but be a terrible programmer or nurse. And vice-versa, a great programmer may be a terrible nurse, mechanic, cook, etc. The idea that IQ is anywhere near a full measure of someone’s abilities is truly, completely wrong.
Don’t let the fact that you “couldn’t” do those things stop you from trying a myriad of other occupations where you may be successful and find fulfillment. If you believe that you can only be successful or fulfilled by being good at one of the latest occupations trending in media, please don’t. Someone can be successful and fulfilled doing pretty much just about anything. Some examples: building trades, mechanic, driver, janitor, cashier, cook, bartender, hairdresser, anything. FYI, I’ve heard that in France, people in any occupation demand and get the respect they deserve for being experts in whatever occupation they chose for themselves. Just as an example, my hairdresser told me an amusing story of arriving in Paris and stopping at a fruit stall where she promptly started to squeeze the fruit like we do in the US. The fruit stall minder literally smacked the fruit out of her hand and selected the fruit for her. He was the expert in fruit and she had no business picking the fruit herself.
It sounds like your main issues probably stem from your father’s neglect and abuse and perhaps your ADHD and other learning disabilities, not from your IQ. You would do well to address your drug addiction first with whatever treatment options are available to you (this would also impact your IQ test scores, but do yourself a favor and forget about IQ). After that, or maybe at the same time, if you didn’t graduate high school, work towards getting your GED. After that, enroll in community college and take whatever variation of “succeeding in college” (study skills) and “career exploration” classes they offer as your very first classes. After that, many options should present themselves to you in community college. Focus on the careers that you can do with either only a high school / GED diploma, or that plus trade school or community college. Many community colleges also provide mental health counseling and assistance finding jobs. Take advantage of any opportunity you encounter.
I, like apparently many others here, believe in you! The answer to your question is yes, there is hope for you!
-
Everyone’s thinking it, I’m just saying it
stop with the fucking drugs already
I can’t disagree
Your English is perfect. There is no indication of low intelligence from the way you described your issues. B and C grade are pretty average and indicates you can learn with hard work. I think what you might be experiencing is anxiety and that is causing you to think you don’t have skills or intelligence. I am not from US so I don’t know what kind of help might be available for you there, but I would suggest you to look for a job with something you like to do even though the pay might not be great and then eventually your interest will take you further in your career.
Was going to say the same. Where did this IQ test take place anyways?
Also I had pretty shitty grades all through high school too because probably ADHD and also Jesus Christ 90% of those courses were mind numbing and my mind would be wandering.
Fast forward, I’m making good money (close to double those in my peer group) and surviving just fine so far. It’s a lot easier for me to focus on things my brain likes to think about.
To OP, it can be done. Persevere.
First off, I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been through. Your family (especially parents) failed you by not supporting you in your education and early adult life – that’s when people need the most support as they grow. Nobody deserves that, and I hope you’re able to keep finding the support you need. It’s a relief to hear you have/had a friend to live with, and I sincerely hope you’re able to keep finding that kind of support.
Hope is a difficult thing. It’s often swayed by external circumstances, but ultimately it’s a concept that you foster for yourself. Hope might be an irrational desire, but it’s the reason anyone ever does anything. My outlook is that every person has potential to do good, and that potential is only “wasted” if they stop reaching for it – that idea gives me hope for others and for myself. I’ve heard some pretty rough stories very similar to yours, but the common thread with many of them is that those stories didn’t end there, they kept going and ended up somewhere. It just took them time; years, decades maybe, but it got them to a place where they were happier and more self-assured.
Really, the biggest factor in all of this is time. I’m also in my 20s, and I’ve also made some mistakes that “set me back” a few years and had me in a similar place of feeling hopeless and incapable. The biggest part of all of this is that we’re still very young, and the years it takes to learn and grow feel longer now than they will when we’re old. I think it’s important to see this part of your life as a time to make mistakes and struggle and hurt, but also as a time to slowly but steadily grow and learn and find your people.
Your past happened and led you here. You had some say in it, but many of those factors of your early life were far outside your control, and now they’re a done deal. But now, now is an important time. This moment is different from before: in many ways you have more freedoms, and while in other ways you’ll still feel held down by familiar forces, now you have a different environment with different options that could build up to something better. This is what ultimately matters: doing what you can, in this moment.
I know I may also sound cringe in this long-ass post, but I think cringe often a by-product of sincerity. I sincerely do have hope for you, even if you’re a stranger, even if I don’t know your whole story, even though what you’ve said is an absolutely horrible experience, I still have hope for you. Why? Because you showed a scrap of hope by even posting this. A truly hopeless person wouldn’t care enough ask other people what they thought, but you did. That tells me you want a better life badly enough to keep trying, and that’s a huge step.
I hope all that philosophical/life outlook stuff I said helped you feel at least a little better. Even if it didn’t, I really do mean it when I say I hope the best for you and truly believe you can get yourself to a place where you’re happier. But I’m sure you’re tired of my yapping about humanity and hope and potential, so I’d like to say something more materially helpful. The specifics depend on where you are, but I can list a few real things that you can do (or already have done) that can help you build some stability. All I ask is that you go through this list looking for things that might work, and try not to focus on what “won’t work.” I know I tend to focus on the latter when I’m struggling, so I hope this reminder helps if you do too. Now, here’s some ideas that might be helpful:
- Research some local resources. I’m intentionally vague here because there’s a lot of ways you can go, but here’s some resources to look into:
- Addiction clinics and treatment resources. You seem like you don’t love how drugs are affecting your life, so I think it’s worth spending a lot of time and effort trying to find some treatment/guidance to gain back control here
- If you have a public library, please look into the programs they offer. They’re honestly the greatest public good in this world, and depending on where you are and how your library is funded, they likely offer lots of free online education resources and in-person workshops, some aimed at people entering the workforce. If nothing else, libraries offer a place to be, a change of scenery, books, movies, computers, and music, all for free. Libraries are pools of knowledge with people who genuinely want to help you learn, so don’t pass them up.
- Places for art/creative expression. Super vague, I know, but that’s because this depends on what your interests are and your location. These kinds of gatherings and communities may be online too, but it’s worth finding real people nearby first and foremost. Do you like music? Your city probably has cheap bars or house shows you can go to. Like drawing, painting, graffiti? Good hobbies on your own, but even better when done in a communal setting. Local cafes, restaurants, and other businesses might host artist gatherings. Into DnD, TTRPG, or other games? Same as before, local businesses probably host DnD/game nights, and these circles are often welcoming and have a lot of down-to-earth people. Whatever the case, finding places where you can see and express creative work is important for the human spirit. Plus, getting to know people keeps you sane and increases your “network,” so you might stumble into new opportunities thanks to one of these connections. You can find these kinds of meet-ups through city websites and social media pages for your library and local businesses.
- IQ is a scam and has no bearing on your worth. It’s a shaky metric and it’s validity has been questioned for years. Worst of all, it reduces you to a number; I don’t care how “valid” a metric might be, it becomes dangerous as soon as it’s used as a value judgement. Besides, you strike me as pretty smart considering you got grades in that B-C range under all that stress with zero actual support, and using a Reddit alternative tells me you’re inquisitive. That matters.
- Life might be a series of distractions, but those distractions can be great parts of your life. All this to say, if you don’t already have a hobby or creative outlet of some kind, think about what interests you and find some cheap ways to fulfill that interest. Drawing is pretty accessible, you can even get most of the supplies for free if you keep your eye out. Making music is now very doable for free on phones or computers, see things like Bandlab and other online tools for free playgrounds. Writing can be done digitally or physically cheaply too. Reading is free thanks to libraries. Finding things to do that interest you are one of the biggest things you can do for yourself.
- As someone who also has ADHD, I know how that can make everything harder. It takes time and you keep learning, but I know it’s possible to build routines and structures that better mesh with the way your brain works. You’re not in this alone.
I’ve written too damn much now, but I hope something there meant something to you. I’m sure you’ve heard a few of these things before, but I know when I’m hopeless I need to be reminded what my options are. From one young person to another in a rough world, I genuinely hope you’re able to find what you need. I’m proud of you.
- Research some local resources. I’m intentionally vague here because there’s a lot of ways you can go, but here’s some resources to look into:
Nobody with 76 IQ will get past the Lemmy landing page when they start talking about instances.
Its a good thing I never saw that page then
I didn’t see that page either
There’s a lot of good advice here. I have a son not too different in age than you. Your post made me want to give you a long hug. I’m sure you have many things about you that are assets and you haven’t had anyone in your life to help you find them.
As others have said, you sound smarter than you think you are, and your writing is good!
Small steps, and celebrate the small victories. Make one little thing better about yourself or your life every day. No matter how small. And be proud of yourself when you’ve done so.
Go take the good advice from others, but here’s a Dad Hug™.
How sweet but how am I similar to your son?
You’re a human and you need someone to validate you. I can’t do that from a keyboard, but I can offer an internet hug.
And he also is overwhelmed by needing to do things in life but not knowing where to start.
Is it possible with ADHD you just struggle with standardised testing? A lack of education can also make you feel a lot less intelligent than you are.
My ADHD friends have very poor IQ test results but it’s simply a product of ADHD making it hard to sit and concontrate on a test.
You write very well and do a good job at articulating your thoughts.
Be less harsh on yourself and look into career opportunities that mesh well with ADHD, and try seek out effective management strategies for the ADHD.
I feel treating the ADHD is central to turning your life around, it’s very normal to feel this way with poorly managed ADHD.
First off, I’m so sorry you had that much pressure put on you in school. Your father should have helped you and instead he needlessly made things harder. One thing you should keep in mind is a saying I see every now and again: “Comparison is the thief of joy”. You’re not your brothers or your sisters and that’s okay! You may have the same parents, but that doesn’t mean you have to be clones.
Distancing yourself from your abusive father was a good move and I applaud you for that! Parents who don’t accept their own children, especially including their quirks and flaws, don’t deserve them. It sounds like he wants you to be someone else, but tough shit: you’re not them, you’re you. And you have zero obligation to become this perfect person in your dad’s head.
And to answer your question: yes, there is hope. You got out of a bad situation and it sounds like you’re still recovering. For now, forget math, grades and employment and just focus on getting better. Good grades and a stable job don’t mean jack shit if you’re miserable anyway.
You write well, and you got B’s and C’s in school. This tells me that you’re smarter than you think, but abuse and/or lack of proper support has had an effect on your development and self esteem (which isn’t surprising). You are still at a very young age, when a lot of people are still trying to find their way. I’m not saying any of this to minimize your struggles, but to give you at least a bit of perspective. A lot can change in a year or two when you’re only 23!
For specific advice on resources available to you, it would help people to know at least which country you are in.
You’ve already got some good advice but in no particular order:
-
You are much more articulate than a lot of people. You can read and write better than a lot of people.
-
You’ve been at least emotionally and physically abused
-
You know how to work hard.
-
ADHD is somewhat treatable with medication, at least improvable.
What that translates to:
-
no it isn’t too late, especially if you keep working hard.
-
the things you blame yourself for likely isn’t your fault. Therapy, when you can afford it, should be a priority.
-
working hard is so important for employment. Most jobs don’t require high intelligence. Working hard with a good attitude and working with people is so much more important for most careers.
-
learning disabilities suck. ADHD is hard. You can still learn coping mechanisms and find ways or a career that fits better with it.
Life is hard. It’s harder for you than most. It can still be worth living, but it will be up to you to find a way. I think you can.
-
Get a trade and make bank. University educated skillsets aren’t as in demand as tradespeople, and I believe that is going to be more true over time.
Also your training is cheap, paid even, unlike university.
I read this post yesterday and I went back to find it to write a response.
First, let me clarity when I give advice, I speak my mind, saying what I would do if I know what I know now but were in your shoes. It isn’t intended to make you feel better, but genuinely a matter of “this is the easiest way to reach my goals”.
First, let’s address the problems you can fix, and ignore the ones you can’t. You say you’re 76 IQ, but to be honest you wrote a more comprehensive post than most people can. In any case, check out this video by a guy who claims to have 70 IQ and how he holds down a job at McDonalds: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjDXvXACIEA
Why a job at McDonalds? For a few reasons:
- You already live with your friend. You’re not about to be homeless. This is the best time to start working.
- Getting a job means getting experience working. You might not think much of it now, but that’s step 1 to getting a job at a company with a union, or a company that will offer you full time for health insurance
- Getting a job will preoccupy your time. You can’t quit drugs and alcohol if you’re not distracting yourself with something else
- A new job means meeting new people and learning new things. You might find another path yourself
- McDonald’s will let anybody interview and start working. So you can get this job
Second, you need a long-term plan. This is why I mentioned a full time job with a union: it doesn’t matter if it’s an Amazon Warehouse or a Walmart, a union will look out for your best interests. They will give you a livable future and be the backbone you need for support, since it seems you can’t turn to your family for that.
Getting a job at a company with a union is harder, but that’s why you do step 1 first. When you have experience and a reputation working, these doors will always be easier to open up.
