Before I wanted them to have a phone, I got a second d phone. It was my phone, not my kids phone. I would let my child take it when they went for a ride, or stayed over with a friend, or whatever. But it was my phone. If I had to take it off them, I wasn’t taking their phone, I was taking my phone. The difference is important. It also gave them a chance to learn appropriate use, and normalised me being in control of it. By age 10-11 the phone was basically theirs, in their hands, but the control is still mine. So my advice is don’t give the phone to your child, especially it as a present. It’s more difficult to take something of theirs away, but if they borrow something of yours, it’s much easier.
This is the way to go. I don’t have kids, but it’s how my sisters went about it. For the longest time if my nephew wanted to call and talk to me, the number would ring up as my sister’s number, because not only was it a spare phone, but it was dually connected with her number (not sure how tbh, she worked for a carrier for a long time).
It’s just hard to find that thin line between allowing them to have something or have them be behind all their friends who do have access to one.
My policy would probably be worse, tbh. I’d toss them an old Nokia and be like, “Legends say it’ll take the force of an 18 wheeler and a flood and still work.” For context, I had a friend who ran his over 3 times with his dad’s mack truck, reducing it to just a screen and PCB which he used as his phone at school. Then I watched him accidentally drop and fully submerge said screen and PCB into a half foot deep puddle while we ran down a mountain in a thunderstorm and that sucker still worked.
It was his experiment, to keep trying to destroy it to the point where he couldn’t use it but have to use it if it did. I think it died not too long after, though.
I apologize for being harsh, but you have no monkey in this circus.
Yeah! How dare someone without a child share their opinion and relevant life experiences. That dick should know we don’t care for his type here!
/s in case it’s needed
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The comment is not a response to the prompt though, but a reply to another comment.
None taken, friend. I understand that, but I still think about these things a lot. I’m still young enough where I could have a happy accident, even if we’re not trying. My mind is always on how to be a good father if it did.
Not having the Futurama brain slug that comes with having a child makes you a more objective and better observer of parenting in my opinion.
It also often makes people prone to establishing rules and lines in the sand that they’ll never adhere to because they underestimate the will and ingenuity of young humans lol
Probably true. Idealism always loses out to material reality.
It’s not so much choosing the practical over the idealistic as it is about not preconceiving notions of success that are unrealistic and - more importantly - Would not necessarily bring about the results you want anyway.
Remember the entire reason for having any sort of rules in your home is to establish a certain culture and value system. Banning your kid from watching TV is not going to create a healthy relationship with TV, in my opinion. Instead, you have to put in the work and watch stuff with them. Be aware of the programming that is out there. Be knowledgeable and available for when your kid has questions. Fostering a better understanding of media while creating a safe corner for your kids to process things that maybe are more difficult will probably lead to better results.
Everyone is different, but that is how I personally view it. It’s not about making sure my kids don’t watch too much TV. It’s about the role that TV plays in their lives and my relationship with them.
And on a simpler level: it’s not just about the TV. It’s also about what’s on it. Shows like Bluey are fantastic programming for the whole family.
As a successful father I’ll tell you the secret. Raise excellent humans.
That’s hopefully the plan if that time does come. Two of my three sisters lived at home and single while raising their first kids, so I tried to help them out as much as I could. I wouldn’t be completely blind going in. I’d be fretting a lot at first, though. The world would seem much more dangerous with a kid to worry about.
I really like this idea. I am going to mention it to my partner. We have been trying to craft a policy for it recently.
Best answer yet. Plus, you can sneak on then when in doubt with FindMyPhone or something. Thank you.
No, that is bullshit. If you don’t trust them or if they can’t be trusted don’t give them a phone. Nanny parenting, or pretending you’re the NSA is unhealthy for their development, and gives you an illusion of control of their life that is inaccurate and misleading.
Talk to your fucking kid about your worries or their behavior and/or parent them, actually drive behavioral change, but don’t removed out and not parent and pretend the E-leash is helping them or you.
You can do this, but I’ll warn you that my mother did this and it destroyed all trust in our relationship. Seriously, not for a week, or a month, it has been 20 years and the trust is still ruined. I didn’t even drink or smoke or anything, I’m still angry at her for snooping on me, not trusting me.
She has never apologized or felt any remorse for tracking me. All she had to do was ask where I was and I would have told her. You do this, understand how your child will react.
We just did this a month or so ago. My wife’s old Pixel 4a got a data-only SIM, and we locked it down extensively with a profile for each of the older kids (9 and 7). Websites and apps are allow-only. They can call or text us through Google Chat, and we also allow Pokemon Go and a couple of other things. We call it the “Family Phone,” and they don’t have unlimited access to it, but it’s handy to have something to hand them when they leave the house without us.
Honestly, if I can afford it I’m getting it to them whenever other parents are getting it to their kids.
There were plenty of parents who held off on getting things like TV, the Internet, and it had no pronounced effect.
My buddy just had a kid and proudly said “they’re never getting a smartphone.” And I was like “dude you slept over my house to watch porn because you didn’t have Internet in the 90s. You do you, but like… Idk. That won’t go the way you think it will.”
Are you sure it didn’t have any effect? I have seen some kids who wouldn’t put their phone away when they are walking, when they are talking to others , etc. Their attention span is so low they cant even concentrate.
Also the dangers of the internet and what stuff you can find. I will give them a phone when they are old enough to understand that. Maybe 15 -16
Yes, I’m sure. This is a tale as old as time.
Same was said of newspapers. Same was said of television. Same was said of videogames. Same was said of the internet.
Humans get new tool. Old people who grew up without tool look down on young for overusing tool.
I mean sometimes it has /some/ effect. I’m in my late 20s, so was a kid somewhat recently. We grew up without television. We had movies, and we had the Internet, but no TV. My dad didn’t want us mindlessly wasting time on stuff we weren’t even interested in just because it was what was “on right now.” Not to mention the accumulative hours of watching ads.
We all ended up more creative and artistic than our peers, and my relationships with my siblings are stronger than those of my friends. We read a lot (though people I knew with TV also often read a lot so I don’t think that’s necessarily a given, though I know I myself would not have been regularly reading a book a day in middle school if TV had been an option)
I’m just saying limiting time wasted on media is often net positive.
How old are your kids now?
Unrelated to the question but can we please drop the Reddit habit of adding “of Lemmy” to the question? You’re asking Lemmy, no need to add it to every question.
No ill will to OP!
I agree, because these posts have reach beyond just Lemmy, it’s the whole fediverse. No need to address just one platform
Honestly. I don’t know why I found that so fucking annoying but I used to skip posts with that style of title.
Agreed, it’s so cringe
My kids are grown now so my comment probably isn’t all that relevant anymore, but I don’t think there should be a set age to give your kid a smart phone. Different kids mature and learn at different ages, even ones from the same household.
For my kids, I got them their first phones in their early teens but those phones were somewhat restricted so that we could still communicate easily but we knew they couldn’t get into too much trouble with them. As time progressed the restrictions slowly lifted as we knew we could trust them more to not get into trouble with them.
I’ve always believed it’s not a parents duty to protect their child from the world as much as it is to prepare them for it. Of course kids are going to make stupid decisions if you let them go too far (we all have) so I think it’s more about slowly easing them into things and helping them make the right decisions the best we can.
Exactly. You can’t just say that X age is too young to get a phone, because age doesn’t determine the kid’s level of resposibility or their ability to practice healthy phone usage and internet safety. And also some kids simply need a phone more than others.
Tbh kids have zero idea of what’s out there… controlling their exposure IS important. shitty, but important!
3 kids. 13, 11 and 11 now. 10 years old was what my ex and I did with data plans coming a year after that.
Phone is like any other tool. It is my job as a parent to teach my children the proper way to use it.
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Thanks! Subscribed! 😀
Can’t remember when exactly. But basically as soon as they wanted to roam around in a bigger radius. Maybe 6, 7 or 8. It gave them the security to explore. They know that it’s GPS tracked. And if they don’t feel well they can always call us, even if it’s just so that they don’t feel alone.
Sure, we didn’t have that as kids. But we also had phone booths on every corner and some change in our pockets.
We gave my son a smart phone at 8, because his mother and I lived in different states and he flew as an unaccompanied minor a LOT. I also lived in Oakland and I wanted to be able to reach him and to know where he was when he was with me.
We had strict rules about when he was allowed to have it on and when he was not allowed to NOT have it. We also didn’t get him a data plan and made him use Wifi.
As a result of him actually being impressively responsible with that phone, we turned on the data and relaxed the rules probably years earlier than we would have under other circumstances.
My oldest got a smart watch which could make calls only to preset numbers that we added (mom, dad, grandma, aunt, and one neighbor who had a son the same age) at 9. That’s when he started getting dropped off at friends’ houses without a parent sticking around (mind you - this was just coming off COVID lockdowns, so we may have done it sooner if there was a need to). I wanted him to always be able to reach us in any situation. He’s a really responsible kid, so he got a full smartphone the summer after 5th grade (11) when he went on the class trip to Washington DC. Currently in middle school with a smartphone and no issues yet, plus it gives us something valuable to him to take away if we feel he’s letting grades slip, etc.
My second does not seem to share the same level of responsibility, so he did not get his smart watch until 10. He may not get a smartphone anytime soon. It depends on the kid.
My youngest is 8. Time will tell about how responsible he is, but Lord - this is the child that WILL need to call us. Always getting into something 🤦🏻♀️.
It’s shown in school that kids who get phones and tablets before 5 have a hard time using computers with a keyboard and mouse interface.
Having a dumb phone is a current consideration. We have a smart phone on a separate carrier that we loan to a kid on an as needed basis like sleep overs so they can contact us in an emergency.
I’ve told the kids I’ll buy them a smart phone when they can afford the monthly service. It’s not that I can’t, it’s that they will need to learn how to manage money, and having to pay for my pager in the 90s was a good start for me. Not getting it sooner means it won’t feel like a punishment when they start.
They probably said the same thing about riding horses when cars became popular.
Probably but that’s a pretty poor comparison unless you think there’s a near future where the keyboard and mouse interface is relegated to hobbyists. Being able to touch type and work on a multitasking computer are not requirements for all jobs, but will be required skills for a long time for a lot of jobs.
I’ve got twin girls. We held off on smartphones until this past summer when they turned 13.
One couldn’t wait to have a smart phone and now handles her own entire social life through it and is happier than ever now that she can communicate with her friends non stop.
The other simply did not want a phone. We asked a dozen times and she said she wasn’t interested in one and didn’t think she would use it. Since she’s with her twin 75% of the time anyway we decided not to push.
Chaperoned a group of 13-14 yo 8th graders to a school-organized out-of-state civics trip. Only one kid out of ten didn’t have a smartphone. 🤷🏻♂️
We got ours a flip-phone around 11 to coordinate after-school pickup, then a smartphone at 13, mainly because of involvement in cross-country and wanting to know where the kid was. Social apps or gaming with strangers will be disabled until 16.
When they started staying after school for functions like choir or sports and I wanted them to have a way to tell me they were done. It was for their safety but also for my own selfish reasons. Win win.
Our first daughter had a old smart phone at about 8 (she has just turned 9). It doesn’t have data turned on, so is more or less a dumb phone unless she is at home. I don’t think her little sister could care less about getting one.
I think that it’s good for her to have one as it means she can contact us if she goes up the road to her friends or park/shop.
She doesn’t have it for at school or general day to day life - so it may not be the best example
We started at 3y/o. With that said we did so in a controlled way. So the original plan was a tablet but for a fraction of the price we got a very basic smartphone with no service meaning just at home with internet. We started with a max of 20m once a week to make it kind of special but nothing something to become crazy about. Over the years we have given more time for things like chores with a max of 2h a week typically stretched out over the week and some times we would just have a lazy day with it so all 2h in one go. We knew it was tech that she was going to need skills with so we don’t count things like learning math or enligh against the hours allowed. We began practicing how to text and make calls with our phones and routinely make blocked calls when she’s using one of our phones to see what she does and to encourage open communication with us. For us this method has worked amazingly but I know this is not the norm for most.
