• grasshopper_mouse@lemmy.world
    75·
    2 months ago

    It’s awesome. Sure, I have moments in life that suck regardless, but in those moments I always think to myself “Wow, this would be even worse if I had kids.”

    • untorquer@lemmy.world
      201·
      2 months ago

      In my mid 30’s. Find myself thinking the same. Also when I’m feeling great it’s “there’s no way i could be enjoying this if i had to worry about kids”

      • grasshopper_mouse@lemmy.world
        12·
        2 months ago

        Yup, exactly. It just seems like there’s no time to relax when you have kids, you always have to be “on”.

        I used to take a bus home from work, and a woman that lived in my apartment took the same bus, so we always ended up walking into the building together. I’ll never forget that EVERY time when she opened her apartment door, you could hear two little kids yell “MOMMY!” the second that door was opened. Maybe some people love that, but to me it always filled me with a sense of dread and exhaustion. Here was this woman who just spent a full day at work and now she has to come home and essentially start her second job of being with her kids, who of course want all her attention. I felt horrible for her, and it wasn’t like she was skipping home all happy to see them, either.

        • untorquer@lemmy.world
          12·
          2 months ago

          Some people like it, which I’m happy for, they’re the ones who should have children. But it’s not for everyone and it shouldn’t be stigmatized. I will happily pay taxes to fund kinder care and school. I see the value in society for kids. Just not in my own home.

  • Zerlyna@lemmy.worldEnglish
    63·
    2 months ago

    Just turned 50. Was childless by choice. But I Got custody of my 12 year old niece two years ago. (Very small family and There was no one else to take her.). I love her but I do miss my adult freedom.

  • potate@lemmy.ca
    55·
    2 months ago

    I wanted kids when I was younger, but wasn’t ready to give up my freedom. Once I was ready for kids the world (and the future in particular) looks so bleak that it doesn’t seem fair to the theoretical kiddo to say ‘hey, here’s a dumpster fire - good luck’. Instead I babysit for my friends and family, spoil the kids around me, and sleep in on the weekend. I also have more time for activism and trying to ensure a brighter future for kiddos.

    No regrets.

  • andrewta@lemmy.world
    46·
    2 months ago

    It’s good. Don’t have to worry about paying for any of it.

    Elementary school

    Middle school

    High school

    College

    Helping out after they finish college and haven’t found a job

    All the stuff during the summer

    Not having to hear “ but why?!” Every ten seconds

    Not having to worry about how they’ll survive in this fucked up world.

  • That_Devil_Girl
    44·
    2 months ago

    I sort of see the appeal of having kids, but I can barely keep things together for myself. There’s no way I can support myself and kids. Even with my boyfriends income and mine, it’s just not realistic.

    • weeeeum@lemmy.worldEnglish
      25·
      2 months ago

      This is the key behind the fertility crisis of first world countries. SHITS TOO EXPENSIVE. A house is 10 years worth of income, college like 3 years worth, a car (which needs to be replaced every 5-10 years) around a years worth, plus food, bills, taxes and all of this other shit makes it impossible.

      • ChexMax@lemmy.world
        15·
        2 months ago

        Yearly childcare is a years worth of income in plenty of places, so there’s that too.

  • zxqwas@lemmy.world
    42·
    2 months ago

    They told me I’d change my mind about not wanting kids when I got older. I’m still waiting for it to change.

    • emogu@lemmy.world
      3·
      2 months ago

      As someone who didn’t want kids and then had them later in life, your mind doesn’t really change until after you have them. That’s when I was like Oh

      At least that’s what it was like for me. Plenty of people’s minds never change even after kids sadly.

        • emogu@lemmy.world
          2·
          2 months ago

          Absolutely. Definitely not recommending chancing something like that haha. Just saying you might never change your mind and that’s ok. But also if a kid came into your life somehow, don’t panic! It might be ok

  • bizarroland@fedia.io
    405·
    2 months ago

    Honestly it kind of sucks.

    I always wanted a kid but it requires a partner who is able to be a parent and I have never had such a partner.

    I had a pretty fucked up childhood and I wanted someone who could be a good mother to a child and everyone I’ve dated who had the ability to be a good mother was not capable of giving birth for one reason or another and everyone I’ve dated who’s capable of giving birth was not capable of being a good mother for one reason or another.

    I know it’s not too late for me but it’s getting pretty damn close.

  • socsa@piefed.socialEnglish
    362·
    2 months ago

    Seriously like the most obvious fucking life hack.

    Also, it’s generally super weird how everyone tries really hard to convince you that you are wrong about it. Like I could take all of the collective time people have spent trying to give me unsolicited input on some other random topic, and it wouldn’t even add up to a tenth of the time I’ve spent on the “why don’t you want kids?” Conversation. I’m sorry but that’s sus as fuck. Like some actual brain slug shit.

    • nicerdicer@feddit.org
      13·
      2 months ago

      it’s generally super weird how everyone tries really hard to convince you that you are wrong about it

      My theory is that (volontary) childless people are less predictable to others. If you only have to take care of yourself, you need less resources (read: money) for that. An employer that knows his employee has children to care for can be treated worse in terms of working conditions and salary/ wages, because the employer knows that this employee can’t afford to quit the job, because of the responsibility for the child(ren).

      If an emloyee is known to have no children, it makes him unpredictable. He could get up after a good yelling at the workplace, say “fuck it” and leave. He only has to take care for himself. Also, that employee can accumulate more money since it has not to be spent on the needs of children. That means, the employee has a bigger and longer lasting financial cushion.

      Something similar applies when credits/ loans have to be paid. Having debt is a considered a “good” thing, since people are less prone to quit their jobs. On a personal level, the goal should be to become debt free as soon as possible. Not only it will result in financial freedom, it will also enhance your “fuck-it-ablilty”.

      Another theory for those convincing people is that they envy your lifestyle of tranquility and spontaneousness. These people have been bullied into having children by their peer groups, because “that is the thing to do”, and “you owe grandchildren”. There are so many parents out there who would be better off if they never had children, but their relatives had convinced them otherwise.

      • Flocklesscrow@lemm.eeEnglish
        9·
        2 months ago

        For some people, having children is their only life accomplishment, so they perceive other people’s choices as an “attack” on their sense of identity, which makes it feel personal, to them.

      • freebee@sh.itjust.works
        2·
        2 months ago

        I agree but not on the debt free part. Mortgage loan at 1,45%, savings rate at 2,4 %: I’ll not try to get out of that debt sooner than planned, thank you very much :')

    • Track_Shovel@slrpnk.netEnglish
      101·
      2 months ago

      As a parent, I couldn’t give two shits if you don’t have kids. Not gonna convince you. It’s your story not mine.

      You’re also not going to convince me I made a poor decision.

    • MuffinHeeler@aussie.zone
      9·
      2 months ago

      I have a kid. I love my kid. There’s also a looooooooot more sacrifice involved than I was expecting.

      Not so much the money, but time and effort. Today I wanted to leave the park and go the grocery store for ONE thing before dinner. Cue negotiations to leave the park. 10mons to walk 100 yards. Issues around refusing to use the toilet before we go (young kid and car rides). Not wanting to get out of the car at the store. I could go on. Everything is just a whole fucking ordeal. Pre kid I would have got in my car, gotten the item and come home. 15mins tops. This took 1.5hrs.

      I love my kid. I’m glad we had a kid. But I do not see everyone being suited to being a parent. And no one should be forced or pressured to be one.

      That’s my personal opinion though.

  • leah@lemm.ee
    34·
    2 months ago

    Happy I didn’t fuck up my life and the lives of my progeny by birthing them.

  • fart_pickle@lemmy.world
    33·
    2 months ago

    Pardon my French but it feels fucking awesome. I’ve been able to travel the world. I have developed hobbies that I wouldn’t be able to do so with kids. I have saved a lot of money and I have been able to advance my career.

    As for passing my knowledge/experience, I volunteer at various charities where I can influence young minds. I don’t believe that passing on genes down the line is the best I can do. The best I can do is to help young people achieve their goals.

    Now, to address few some clichés. On my deathbed I will get the glass of water from a highly paid nurse. The “warm bed” is not the issue for me. When I go I will leave my possessions to a charity of my choice.