• intensely_human@lemm.ee
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    25
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    1 year ago

    College only makes sense economically if you have a plan.

    If you’re a naive, idealistic, scatterbrained, autistic, traumatized, brainiac redneck raised into terrible character by a spineless single parent who drove off the good one, like I was, then your best bet after high school is some entry level job, heath insurance, and therapy for a few years.

    I had an emotional system the equivalent of a broken pair of legs. I basically signed up for a walking journey with broken legs, because (a) I had no conception of what the “legs” were that carry a person through college successfully, and (b) I had no idea they could be broken, and © I had no idea mine were broken.

    I was like “sweet! big journey!” and the kids from healthier backgrounds and I got along fine, and they got their shit done and I mostly tore my hair out and cried and took super long walks and experimented with drugs. I had been led to believe that the journey through life was like driving through a country. I didn’t realize that traveling in this journey meant transforming the self. I had no conception of self transformation as an aspect of life, of directed growth, of evolving consciously. All I had was this feeling that life was like a river and I was kayaking down it seeing new stuff.

    I don’t really know how to say what the lesson was. It was the most expensive lesson I ever learned, because not only did it cost me a huge amount of money, it also cost me about twenty years of my life.

    • frost19
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      7
      ·
      1 year ago

      I have similar experience with you, and boy do I waste so much money on that. Wish I could afford therapy, because managing myself emotionally was a long, expensive and heartbreaking experience I wish I could skip over.