T.L;D.R: I used to guilt trip myself into fitting in so I wouldn’t be left out, now I enjoy staying in my little corner, because I went to the shrink.

So, keep in mind I’ve got ADHD, GAD, and SzPD; though I suspect that might’ve been a misdiagnosis due to the psychologist’s explanation of autism, and that instead I might have AuDHD. But I digress. I’ve found that with the years I’ve grown content with being alone, because I’ve come to understand that being alone isn’t necessarily being lonely.

I had written a couple paragraphs, but I’ll make it short. I discovered I spent far too much time and effort trying to fit in with folks I didn’t even like because I didn’t want to feel left out, or worse, different. Cue the pandemic, where I didn’t need to mask anymore during lockdown, a year of therapy, and I’ve come to appreciate solitude as much as I do the precious few times I get to see my friends, since half live abroad. The thing I had a problem with was myself, not other people or the lack thereof.

I get to spend hours homebrewing stuff for my friends and I’s table, painting stuff I’ll never be motivated enough to finish, going down rabbit holes while reading something new, and going from old country to post-hardcore punk. It’s the closest thing to heaven there is, imo.