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Kid called me “a pocket” once. That might not sound so bad, but he said it with a real mean sneer.
“Edomite!”
I was getting onto a bus, someone looked me over and spat out the word. It was clear from the tone that it was an insult, but it also sounded suspiciously bronze age, so I was very excited to find out what it meant.
Turns out it’s a biblical reference used by some black nationalist groups in the US to refer to white people as unclean or diseased. Edom was one of several late bronze age Canaanite kingdoms. At one point the torah describes them as slightly paler and dirty, hence the insult.
I told a cousin once I wasn’t going to be lectured on morality by a woman whose sole contribution to society was how much money she could spend at a liquor store. That whole post I wrote was honestly, according to my brother, some of the best criticism he’s read, quote, “You called her a lush without ever actually using the word, while also going up one side of her and down the other, saying everything the rest of us wanted to.” That cousin, to this day, will not interact with me at family gatherings.
I also once threw shitty advice I was given back into my boss’s face in my resignation text, to the point where he mentioned it felt “personal” when he called me to try to get me to stay. That was the resignation friends/family told me I should be a writer because, “You have a knack for telling people to go fuck themselves in a way where they thank you afterwards.”
My go to, though, when someone insults me is to usually respond, “I’ve been called worse by better.”
It’s hard to underestimate you
This is very powerfull because it has no slurs, polite, does jot compare you to something like a 8 years old insult and makes you think about for a moment. When the meaning sinks in you realize its power and it hurts.
Insults that compare you to something aren’t that powerful.
Insults that describe you, like this one, have a great impact.
Holy shit, this is crushingly depressing. And wasn’t even directed at me.
Stealing this
Not said to me but someone I know, “you’re a lanky string of piss”.
“Your opinion matters as much as anne franks drum set”
I got called “Mr. Left Face” once.
The human equivalent of drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth.
That or smooth brain.A friend of mine who’s a professional singer got told by his former conductor upon firing him, “well, see, if a violinist has a bad instrument he can just replace it. But in the case of a singer, well, it’s just not so easy.” Very roundabout and very crushing.
I stole it from Babylon 5, but “assassin of joy” is one I’ve used a few times
“You fucking Alaskan!”
I laughed uncontrollably for several minutes after receiving this compliment. Wrong continent, buddy.
As an Alaskan, I will say that that is a compliment of the highest order.
Now, if somebody had called you a Texan, that’s basically a slur. An insult of the greatest magnitude.
Living in the same latitudes I could only take it as a compliment.
I like “mouth breather” from Stranger Things it has the right sound and pacing to make a good insult but doubles back as a wtf thinker moment. In an emo moment where the person wants to auto respond to everything in argument, it is funny to manipulatively force them to deny it, then call them out on how stupid they are for saying they do not breathe.
Oh I got one from when I was a kid: my sibling’s friend once valled her an “invertebrate brain”. I’m glad she didn’t have any vertebrae in there!
“your such a horrible person, Mr Rogers wouldn’t even want you to be his neighbor”
I got told I sound like Dukie from “Adventures of the Gummi Bears”.
