Electronic rectangle with endless content. Engineered mix of rage-bait, cuteness, and fake news will have your hairless ape coming back for more again and again! 9/10 human veterinarians recommend! Guarantee reduced existential dread or your money back.
You’re making me want to join the Facebook vr world
Well my owner is definitely getting his money back or starting a class action suit for false advertising.
Heroin - safer than fentanyl and sure to keep your human from ever running away.
“When my little Bobby is a bit too active and needs to calm down, I chose heroin each time, every time.”
“Heroin: Xorglob tested, human approved.”
It’s alarming how frequently my vet prescribes benzos for my dog. He’s a reactive dog sure but he’s not overly anxious. Part of me thinks that it’s the vet trying to make one more sale sometimes.
hay itz me, ur dog
edit: arf
Just get a stray dog and take it to the vet. After $500 in bills you can get some dog Diazepam.
This reminds me of a text I read on a veterinarian website the other day, “Sterilizing your cat is good for them because then they don’t have to go through heat all the time.” I imagined this text on a hospitals website and the shitstorm it would bring.
It gets far worse when you talk about euthanasia, especially if part of the reason is economic.
Poland be like:
Sterilization for female cats (non-consensual): :)
Sterilization for people with uteruses (consensual): :(
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Three product lines of tasty fatty and salty foods that will be thoroughly enjoyed by your pet while at the same time staving off heart disease, diabetes or excessive weight gain. Perfectly formulated to help maintain the health of your pet to ensure a long healthy maximum lifespan. The food is also mixed with a special formula of perfectly balanced simulants, antidepressants, methamphetamines, anti-psychotic and microdoses of LSD and other hallucinogenics.
Product one has minimum levels of mind stimulating drugs to keep your pet happy on a regular basis.
Product two has increased doses to sedate and calm your pet when it is feeling depressed, isolated or stressed.
Product three has increased levels of addictive substances such as methamphetamines in order to be used as a control method to train your pet properly. These can used as treats in order to manipulate your pet into learning specific activities.
Ohhh can I be proactive 3
Probably the same way treats for children are marketed, because they have the same requirements: it has to appeal to both children’s hedonism and parents’ desire to feel like they’re not feeding their children garbage.
Of course, that’s assuming humans can understand the higher beings’ marketing. If they can’t, it’ll be marketed just like pet treats: a claim that your humans will love it, plus a lot of reassurance that the treat is actually good for your pet humans.
Prevents nuclear annihilation
“Sedates and pleases! Great for temperament”
That sounds good. Can i get mine now? Plus a few extra to pass out?
Fiber: Promotes healthy pooping.
Pretty much exactly like Doritos™?
Nice try, alien marketing agency
Obligatory mention of Humans Don’t Make Good Pets.
Porno for Pyros lied to us?
We’ll make Grapette
Humans, unlike the animals that human keep as pets, are capable of complex speech, so I’d bet that treats would be marketed towards the humans themselves, so that the humans then push their keeper to buy those treats. Sorta like how lots of ads for toys are marketed towards kids, because advertising works better on them and then they’ll go and push their parents to buy them.
We can speak, but can our insectoid overlords understand our speech
Probably, if they hang around us and study us that often
If we are separated from our parents shortly after birth, and grow up in isolation from other humans - then we would not learn to talk anyway. Note that that’s what happens with most pets that humans keep. Maybe we get to walk past some other humans in the park a couple of times a week, but that’s it.
I’m so sorry, he’s a humper. We haven’t had him castrated yet. (translated from insectoid chirping noises.)
They just like the male’s milky secretion’s taste, the annoying meat flapping noises and whistles, not so much.
This human horn isn’t working!
It is all part of a healthy diet to keep your human’s hair silky smooth and skin soft.
Gets humans high
