Hi my fellow Lemmy users! It’s been a while since I used this platform and boy did I actually miss you all ❤️

It’s just that I’ve been more so focusing on myself in my career and in my own education. So I graduated back in June and man it sure does feel like a lifetime ago already. Settled in a good paying job and still trying to improve myself wherever I can.

This brings us to the question that I wanted to ask everyone here. As I’ve been very focused on academics and career stuff I never had the opportunity to date and I’ve been rejected very frequently (which is to be expected as a man tbh). I haven’t been able to lose weight and that I’m 25 years old.

I know that’s still pretty young but I still feel so behind on dating tbh. Is it still too late for me to find someone I want to be with after I’ve lost weight? Does losing weight help for men as it does for women? I’ve been trying to join meetups, volunteering (just to meet new people tbh) and really put myself out there. It’s just idk like all my friends are committed and I’m just floating around life whilst focusing on my career.

  • @alphapro784OP
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    13 months ago

    I am like 5’10 and I am almost 200lbs so I am pretty overweight and last time I checked my BMI. I was like tipping on the edge of obese but here’s the thing, I don’t have like fat legs or anything, its just my stomach that’s like fat where its showing the fat the most. I choose to be a software engineer, for approaching women, I tend to ask them more so in settings of shared interests. Like I’d ask questions about them and the things they like where I’d relate to things they said. I tend to be a very curious person so I’d really like to know them in general like their interests and about them in general. I am not really talkative irl and I feel that I am pretty boring because I can be pretty quiet because I am listening to them more which I like to do and its hard to keep the conversation going when you run of stuff to talk about. I don’t talk for the sake of talking but to really you know get to know of them i guess if that provides you with enough info about what am I doing

    • @rosymind@leminal.space
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      23 months ago

      You lack rizz, my friend. I wish I could lend you some of mine, because I have more than I need (when I chose to use it)

      Yes, losing weight would help but it isn’t everything.

      Hmm. My husband is pretty dull in most aspects, but he was doing climbing when we started dating. I thought that was cool. I also happen to like games, as does he- so we bonded over our mutual appreciation for gaming. He also spent a great deal of time in school (he’s a mechanical engineer) and though I probably shouldn’t tell you this he was a virgin until he was in his 30’s. If he can find someone, you can too

      I think your best bet is to start trying out different hobbies, especially physical ones (not suggesting climbing, but try hiking? I don’t know where you are, but Meet-up is a good way to meet people and hiking seems to be a common thing around where I live)

      If you need dating advice you can ask me. I’m about to be 40, but I did quite a bit of it in my 20’s and 30’s before I settled down. If you land dates I might be able to help you get specific women’s attention

      What’s your type (if you have one) and I mean less about how they look and more about how they act (figuring out what motivates them will be a big step forward in being able to date them)

      • @alphapro784OP
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        13 months ago

        I guess my type of woman (well looks like wise white American) is someone who’s just kind and caring also who’s more extroverted tbh. I mean I do like someone who takes care of themselves (I’m trying to do that just ya know struggling but not like I gave up on it) and someone who wants a long term relationship that will lead to marriage.

        Basically my type is someone who shares the same western ideals as I do (I grew up Muslim but not anymore and I’m brown as well) and someone who’s liberal I guess if that helps.

        • @rosymind@leminal.space
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          23 months ago

          Gotcha. Lessee. My husband is part Korean, part various Hispanic, and I’m mostly white (born in South Africa so I have a spattering of various ethnicities given that my ancestors were sailors to some degree).

          Husband (who also has a strong, white, preference) says that generally women tend to want to stay in their ethnic group, while men are more likely to want someone outside their ethnic group. I’m not certain on the validity of that, since where I live there is a whole lot of variation in couples.

          Either way, that might be adding to your challenges! It also depends on your area. Where I live there are plenty of mixed couples, but if you’re in a state where people tend to stay within their ethnic groups that’s gonna be a lot harder

          Finding someone who has your exact beliefs is also extremely difficult. I never would have guessed I would marry someone like my husband. He leans conservative, while I lean liberal (for example).

          But what I meant is: if you like a sporty woman, going to the gym is where you might find one. If you like an artsy woman, take a random art class at a community College. If you like an out-going woman, you’ll want to check your area for “fun things to do”. If what you want is an introvert who plays DnD, then try to find a DnD group. Try to figure out what interests the women you want will have- and then go there.

          Keep in mind this will take time. You have to be friends with them first (for long term relationships) and then work your way into their hearts/minds/panties from there.

          And side note, you could easily be friend zoned. But, with luck, she might have a single friend who she’d think you’d be perfect with :)

          • @alphapro784OP
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            13 months ago

            Hey thanks for saying that. I was thinking of maybe joining a therapeutic riding volunteering place cause I noticed that there tends to be a lot more girls there and I might be wrong could be a wrong assumption but hey at least I’ll be able to ride on a horse on to the sunset lol.