My mom has been bugging me about this question ever since I started the process of getting on HRT. As a child there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted kids, but in the past few years I’ve been reconsidering a lot.
I finally got my hormones last week, so now the clock is ticking. I’d love other people in my situation’s thoughts on the matter.
Thanks :)
Not a trans, but I do not understand the fetichization over DNA, I plan on getting a vasectomy, there are lots of children who already are alive and suffering without parents, seems like an easier solution, but to each its own.
This.
To me a child is your child not because it has your DNA but because of the lessons and values you instill in them.
The whole dna obsession seems a bit blood and soil to me the way a lot of libs go on about NEEDING to pass their genes on. I think we are at a point in our growth as humans to be able to see past this stuff personally but whatever people want to do.
For me I’m adopting but frankly I don’t care for parenting or kids right now. I can barely afford to look after myself and I’m not bringing a kid into the world only for me to be a shit parent because I’m constantly broke or stressed or working.
I’ll adopt when I’m in a place financially and mentally to give that kid the best environment because growing up in a house with toxic parents etc does not help anyone frankly.
Adopting a child is not the same as giving birth to one. As an adoptive parent you have to understand that the situation is the last resort and traumatic for the kid.
The kid (or teen) has their own rights and autonomy that should be taken in consideration when making these decisions. Adoption isn’t for the parents to have a kid, it’s for the adoptees to have guardians that protect them.
I will never judge someone who wants to avoid the weight of adoption.
I won’t, as I said it’s what anyone wants to do im not going to judge. It’s the obsession with genes and “passing on your blood” in thr UK I find to be very sus, why define it that way?
But having grown up with abusive parents and being failed to the point of not being able to leave or escape that upbringing, when I want to adopt I want to help and support a kid in the way I never had. To show them love and support and allow them an environment to grow healthily vs what I never had.
It’s not homogenous though. Depending on when you adopt a kid will define how you address that.
I can’t imagine a kid adopted as a teen or pre teen is the same as a child adopted at a very young age.
The adopted kid in my school was adopted young enough that they didn’t know they were adopted which was a difficult time for them finding that out.
But I think adoption can be a truly special gift you can give to someone if you are willing to put the work and effort in to support them. So if someone can do that I’d encourage that personally.
I don’t disagree though, it’s not exactly the straight forward or easy choice but I find that plenty of people are put off adoption by others demonising adoptees and I’d rather step away from that in the discourse around it. Not saying you are I totally get your point but there’s an assumption that adopted kids are too difficult or damaged and that’s heartbreaking when these are kids not products. I think more needs to be done to encourage adoption with the right support and more to stop people making it out to be impossible or too hard for people to undertake.
This is my main problem. People want to treat kids like buying a doll when in reality that’s a whole human who’s just experienced tragedy few people can imagine.
This is the driving reason people look for babies or infants and not older kids and teenagers.
It’s insane.
Maybe adoption is not what I would encourage (I’m not a terrible person, I swear). But systems that support family planning and economic stability instead.
We both agree that kids and teenagers deserve real protection and that’s important.
I think you are looking at preventing it and I’m hyper focusing on when it’s already led to a child in the adoption service but agreed we are on the same page, just different paragraphs if you will 🥰
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Just a heads up, trans is an adjective not a noun.
Anyway, there are a few considerations for why people would freeze and not adopt:
Firstly, adoption is mad expensive. however so is freezing and in vitro, so if you can afford the latter you could likely afford the former.
Secondly, adoption is often quite tetchy, especially in situations where it is white people basically taking children from people of colour, this is a giant problem in for instance Canada, where Indigenous parents are specifically targeted to have their children removed and placed with white families as a form of genocide, the point being to have the children raised white/assimiliated into “white culture” whatever the fuck white culture is supposed to be.
Thirdly, in most countries, trans people legally can’t adopt, and in the places where they can by law, most agencies still refuse to let them.
So for the overwhelming majority of trans people, who are constantly demonized as threats to children, the only chance you’ll ever have of having kids is to have them yourself
I meant “trans person”, just went with “trans” because it’s shorter and where I live people usually say it that way.
I’m from Argentina so adoption is free, therefore I didn’t have that in consideration. As well with your second point, there are indigenous people here who were massacred and so on, but not so systematically as it happened in the US/Canada, today a lot of of the population are “mulatos”, if you will, although there is a white majority, that would be a good consideration, honestly; although at the same time one could argue that insofar you are providing them with an understanding of their culture and heritage, and so on, and so forth, a better life, it’s a million times better that growing in an orphanage. Regarding your third point, most totally valid. Thank you for thoughts and for widening my understanding of this situation for trans people.
It’s not that you said trans instead of trans person, it was using the “a.”
It probably seems weird to say that (especially for people who aren’t first-language English, though many first-language English speakers also don’t necessarily get this concept.
I’m not remotely trying to conflate being trans with being Black or disabled, but the way we use language in that sense is the same.
It’s the difference between saying: He is Black, he is disabled, he is trans. Or even: He is a Black person, he is a disabled person, he is a trans person. Those are all correct.
Whereas these–he is a Black, he is a disabled, he is a trans–are incorrect. They use an adjective as a noun and thus negate the personhood of the subject.
I’m not trying to be critical, just offering a little explanation of the language use when discussing trans people so that your ideas aren’t misconstrued as dehumanizing or dismissive when you’re just trying to engage in a conversation of a topic that is often sensitive (especially online where comments persist outside of context and people can’t get a read on tone or how things are followed up)
Ahh, I get it know, it makes sense, sorry, as you figured it is not my native language so I’m prone to commit a mistake here and there, I will try to keep this in mind next time. Thank you!
No worries!! I always take an education-first stance; no one just knows everything and never makes mistakes, plus typos happen. <3