My mom has been bugging me about this question ever since I started the process of getting on HRT. As a child there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted kids, but in the past few years I’ve been reconsidering a lot.
I finally got my hormones last week, so now the clock is ticking. I’d love other people in my situation’s thoughts on the matter.
Thanks :)
Not a trans, but I do not understand the fetichization over DNA, I plan on getting a vasectomy, there are lots of children who already are alive and suffering without parents, seems like an easier solution, but to each its own.
This.
To me a child is your child not because it has your DNA but because of the lessons and values you instill in them.
The whole dna obsession seems a bit blood and soil to me the way a lot of libs go on about NEEDING to pass their genes on. I think we are at a point in our growth as humans to be able to see past this stuff personally but whatever people want to do.
For me I’m adopting but frankly I don’t care for parenting or kids right now. I can barely afford to look after myself and I’m not bringing a kid into the world only for me to be a shit parent because I’m constantly broke or stressed or working.
I’ll adopt when I’m in a place financially and mentally to give that kid the best environment because growing up in a house with toxic parents etc does not help anyone frankly.
💖💖💖
🥰 💪🫂
Adopting a child is not the same as giving birth to one. As an adoptive parent you have to understand that the situation is the last resort and traumatic for the kid.
The kid (or teen) has their own rights and autonomy that should be taken in consideration when making these decisions. Adoption isn’t for the parents to have a kid, it’s for the adoptees to have guardians that protect them.
I will never judge someone who wants to avoid the weight of adoption.
I won’t, as I said it’s what anyone wants to do im not going to judge. It’s the obsession with genes and “passing on your blood” in thr UK I find to be very sus, why define it that way?
But having grown up with abusive parents and being failed to the point of not being able to leave or escape that upbringing, when I want to adopt I want to help and support a kid in the way I never had. To show them love and support and allow them an environment to grow healthily vs what I never had.
It’s not homogenous though. Depending on when you adopt a kid will define how you address that.
I can’t imagine a kid adopted as a teen or pre teen is the same as a child adopted at a very young age.
The adopted kid in my school was adopted young enough that they didn’t know they were adopted which was a difficult time for them finding that out.
But I think adoption can be a truly special gift you can give to someone if you are willing to put the work and effort in to support them. So if someone can do that I’d encourage that personally.
I don’t disagree though, it’s not exactly the straight forward or easy choice but I find that plenty of people are put off adoption by others demonising adoptees and I’d rather step away from that in the discourse around it. Not saying you are I totally get your point but there’s an assumption that adopted kids are too difficult or damaged and that’s heartbreaking when these are kids not products. I think more needs to be done to encourage adoption with the right support and more to stop people making it out to be impossible or too hard for people to undertake.
there’s an assumption that adopted kids are too difficult or damaged and that’s heartbreaking when these are kids not products
This is my main problem. People want to treat kids like buying a doll when in reality that’s a whole human who’s just experienced tragedy few people can imagine.
This is the driving reason people look for babies or infants and not older kids and teenagers.
It’s insane.
Maybe adoption is not what I would encourage (I’m not a terrible person, I swear). But systems that support family planning and economic stability instead.
We both agree that kids and teenagers deserve real protection and that’s important.
I think you are looking at preventing it and I’m hyper focusing on when it’s already led to a child in the adoption service but agreed we are on the same page, just different paragraphs if you will 🥰
Just a heads up, trans is an adjective not a noun.
Anyway, there are a few considerations for why people would freeze and not adopt:
Firstly, adoption is mad expensive. however so is freezing and in vitro, so if you can afford the latter you could likely afford the former.
Secondly, adoption is often quite tetchy, especially in situations where it is white people basically taking children from people of colour, this is a giant problem in for instance Canada, where Indigenous parents are specifically targeted to have their children removed and placed with white families as a form of genocide, the point being to have the children raised white/assimiliated into “white culture” whatever the fuck white culture is supposed to be.
Thirdly, in most countries, trans people legally can’t adopt, and in the places where they can by law, most agencies still refuse to let them.
So for the overwhelming majority of trans people, who are constantly demonized as threats to children, the only chance you’ll ever have of having kids is to have them yourself
I meant “trans person”, just went with “trans” because it’s shorter and where I live people usually say it that way.
I’m from Argentina so adoption is free, therefore I didn’t have that in consideration. As well with your second point, there are indigenous people here who were massacred and so on, but not so systematically as it happened in the US/Canada, today a lot of of the population are “mulatos”, if you will, although there is a white majority, that would be a good consideration, honestly; although at the same time one could argue that insofar you are providing them with an understanding of their culture and heritage, and so on, and so forth, a better life, it’s a million times better that growing in an orphanage. Regarding your third point, most totally valid. Thank you for thoughts and for widening my understanding of this situation for trans people.
It’s not that you said trans instead of trans person, it was using the “a.”
It probably seems weird to say that (especially for people who aren’t first-language English, though many first-language English speakers also don’t necessarily get this concept.
I’m not remotely trying to conflate being trans with being Black or disabled, but the way we use language in that sense is the same.
It’s the difference between saying: He is Black, he is disabled, he is trans. Or even: He is a Black person, he is a disabled person, he is a trans person. Those are all correct.
Whereas these–he is a Black, he is a disabled, he is a trans–are incorrect. They use an adjective as a noun and thus negate the personhood of the subject.
I’m not trying to be critical, just offering a little explanation of the language use when discussing trans people so that your ideas aren’t misconstrued as dehumanizing or dismissive when you’re just trying to engage in a conversation of a topic that is often sensitive (especially online where comments persist outside of context and people can’t get a read on tone or how things are followed up)
Ahh, I get it know, it makes sense, sorry, as you figured it is not my native language so I’m prone to commit a mistake here and there, I will try to keep this in mind next time. Thank you!
No worries!! I always take an education-first stance; no one just knows everything and never makes mistakes, plus typos happen. <3
I could not fathom bringing children onto this doomed planet. If I ever feel the need to take care of someone I’ll adopt someone else’s kids.
Comrades, I am not a trans person, so feel free to skip my post, and please correct me if I say something that is inaccurate or out of line.
I guess a few questions you should ask yourself could be…
Can I afford to freeze my genetic material, and if so, for how long? You may need to check with local places providing this service and see about pricing.
Is adoption a viable option for me? I don’t know your particular material conditions, but I know many transphobic regimes create nigh impossible hurdles for trans people when it comes to adoption. If adoption is an option for you economically and legally, then I suppose you’ll need to ask what the differences are between adopting and having your own child and what those differences mean.
Will you be needing the assistance of a third person who is not your SO? As in, will you need a surrogate? What will that mean for you both logistically… and ethically. While many (can’t say all since I know of human trafficking circles using women for surrogacy) women who take on surrogacy do so willingly, it is still an ethical question regarding a woman’s supposed purpose that is definitely being hotly debated in feminist circles. You will need to do absolutely everything in your power to ensure the rights of the surrogate are maintained and respected, and realize that asking a woman to give birth to your child is asking a lot. It is also important to note the often transactional nature of surrogacy, as the surrogate mother is often paid but required by some contract to relinquish the child when they are born. How might this reflect in the relationship between the surrogate mother and the person or people requesting the service? If you won’t need a surrogate, great! But if you do, definitely do your research on this, and do what you feel is right.
Do you feel you can provide a fulfilling childhood for any child, adopted or genetically ‘yours’, then provide ongoing support for them for as long as you live? Not just materially with food, shelter, etc, but also by being emotionally available. This child will be looking to you to share their interests, which you should participate in, and look to you to aid them in their troubles. They will come to you when they are being bullied. They will come to you when they are struggling in school. They will come to you when they are injured. They will want you to be excited about what they are excited about. They will want you to support them in their hobbies and activities, be it by letting them participate in sports, band, chess club, or even amateur gaming leagues.
If after consideration, you feel adoption a more suitable route, then how will you ensure it is an ethical adoption? As another commenter noted, particularly with white people, adoption is often used as a tool for cultural genocide. A white couple adopts an indigenous, black, Asian, etc child and brings them up in a ‘white culture’ thus irreversibly damaging their connection to their birth heritage. This is even used against Eastern Europeans as even they have been excluded from the “white people club” for a long time. Do your research and take caution when adopting, especially outside your culture. Btw, I do not know your personal culture, and am not assuming. However, there will be some readers for whom this will be particularly relevant.
Of course, there is so much more, but walls of text are scary, so I’ll stop here for now.
However, when thinking about these questions, and others which I have not raised, if the answer today seems as though it isn’t a good idea to have or adopt a child, then ask what needs to change which you can control that can allow you to have or adopt a child tomorrow. And don’t forget, if you can afford it, then you can always opt to freeze your genetic material “just in case”.
I hope my post helps, I genuinely wish you, your partner or partners if poly, and your future children should you make that decision, happiness and fulfillment.
This is a really difficult topic that takes a lot of personal reflection (and will be largely informed by your material conditions, your desire to be a parent, and your urgency to start HRT).
There are a lot of routes towards becoming a parent, but I’m not interested in discussing the morality or acceptability of desiring a biological child. People do. It happens every day, has been happening since before humans existed. If that is what you want, then that is what you want.
The questions you need to ask yourself are: can you afford it? Not just the storage, but the process of using the stored materiel later. In vitro is expensive, and it often takes multiple tries.
If you have the means and choose not to, will you regret it? And will that regret be something you’re unable to overcome?
Because it is something to consider: would you be fine if you pursued parenthood another direction? Is it being biological important enough to you to go through expensive in vitro attempts? How will you feel if you try multiple times and still don’t succeed?
How urgently do you need HRT? How close are you to the having kids part of your life? Is putting the HRT off until you’re able to have kids an option for you? Is it possible for you to have a child first and then start HRT?
If you can’t put off HRT, and if in vitro isn’t in the cards for you or it fails, if you’re not in a position to (emotionally or environmentally) adopt, how will you feel about not being a parent at all?
Do you have a partner currently (that you want to have kids with) that you can discuss this with?
No one can really answer these questions for you, but I do think they are all important to contemplate. As a trans person there are often quite large hurdles (in many countries insurmountable) to adoption. That should figure in to your considerations as well. Look into these processes where you are. All of it. There is no such thing as being too informed.
I am thinking of doing so but it will take some time and money so I’m thinking of maybe skipping it and owning up to being infertile
No I’d adopt
im not on hrt yet, but i already had mine frozen a while back. no real harm in it.
