Greetings.
I’m in quite of a pickle here, and just thinking about it will get me nowhere.

.

I attend a group hobby weekly.
Quite often we go for a follow-up hang-out in the local bar. I recall everyone else buying a drink and coming to sit down to have a chat.
I don’t buy anything. I wait for the first of us ordering and then I follow them to the table.

One of our attendees has commented on my behavior twice so far.
First she said that I’m a bum. That I use the bar’s staff and the place for my own benefit. There’s a chance that she said that in front of someone else.
Last night she commented that I’m still doing this (we two sat alone for a while). She’s afraid that they’ll throw us out because of my behavior.

I explained that I rarely buy stuff from bars.
On the second comment I said that I’ll probably continue this behavior to the end of times and they won’t throw us out because everyone else spends money. And that my friend said that she or her friends do the same thing quite commonly.
I could have felt her loathing upon me.

I don’t have the money to buy pricy consumables.
I have my own water bottle and sometimes snacks from a market to keep my belly full enough. Or then I don’t eat anything and eat later.
I’m there because of the company.

The employees haven’t commented anything about my behavior. I don’t know, would they even care.

.

Thoughts?
Am I unfair or is she?

I’m thinking about asking her next time that should I just leave if I’m such a bother to her.
I’m also thinking about suggesting us to talk about this as a group.

.

EDIT: I don’t think this is about alcohol. I believe most of them order something else cos it’s late Monday and most people go to work the next day.
EDIT2: We don’t have the tipping culture here.
EDIT3: Thanks for all the comments! You give my mind and feels some peace 💗

  • Mothra@mander.xyz
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    11 months ago

    Look, she’s obviously being passive aggressive towards you. The guy saying “tell her to buy you something if she’s uncomfortable” is spot on. She’s trying to shame you over being different, aka tall poppy syndrome. Show some teeth or she will keep pecking at you. Yes, talk it with the group. If everyone agrees with this removed it’s time to find yourself better friends. You shouldn’t be providing an excuse for why you don’t want to buy or consume something. Maybe you are not hungry, or you don’t want to drink alcohol that late on a weekday or maybe you do intermittent fasting- who knows, what gives, wtf. Seriously.