I don’t know you, your life or your struggles and I’m not qualified to offer any kind of professional help or input, so please- spend the energy you’re spending on Lemmy on seeking help from someone who loves you, a suicide prevention charity or a professional who can help with these thoughts. Worst case scenario - nothing changes and you’ve lost nothing. Best case; things change and you have a happy life.

What little I do know of you: you have access to the Internet, you know at least a little bit of technology, and you speak English. These things alone mean you probably live a better life than billions of other people. Perhaps all you need is a little bit of perspective.