I trained most of them to aim their tail feathers away before they do, but yes, sometimes it just gushes out when it gushes out. They’re wild birds, it’s part of the package. But I do put a towel on my lap, so that makes things easier. Also no scratches on the legs if the birds decide to fight each other on my lap. They do that especially in spring, when the hormones are fluctuating.

I call all of them goobers, so “Mr Goober” is called Derfred. It is the goofiest bird I have ever seen. I suspect it might’ve hit a window or car or something at some stage and stayed a bit silly. Derfred even bites and climbs on other birds, just playing. But the other birds aren’t always prepared to put up with it haha. Poor thing. But Derfred is healthy and happy.

Here are names I’ve given to some of the other birds:

• Signore Salieri (has an unusually large beak and high “hair line”)

• Mr Faith No More (actually a girl, but looks a lot like Mike Patton. Sounds dumb but I swear it’s true).

• Mr Roy (has a rainbow-ish pattern on the head. Full name is Roy G. Biv).

• Cleopatra (a lady bird who gets a lot of attention from the boys, and takes no prisoners. She’s always very nice to me, though)

• Mr Blackbottom (he has a large black patch on his lower beak - completely harmless. Beaks are black as juveniles, then the black gradually fades as they get older).

• The Scream (a girl bird who enjoys landing on my arm, staring me square in the eye, flapping her wings and screeching at me. No other reason than to chat/play. Weirdo).

• John Deere (when I sing or talk, this goober stares at me like a deer in the headlights. As if I am threatening it. It knows full well I’m not threatening it, just a bit of a drama queen).

There are more but I can’t remember them right now.