My father insists on a version of past events that is not true, where he supposedly helped me pay off debt when in reality I paid it off by working FOR YEARS. He doesn’t say it as something he’s proud of, but something I owe him and haven’t “thanked” him for (?). He is extremely stubborn and old enough to definitely not remember things well.
He does this kind of thing with my siblings as well and it’s come to the point where we feel that all we really were for our father was a money burden, be it true or not that he helped us financially at some point.
How can I come to terms with the fact that he’s not gonna acknowledge the truth no matter how many times I explain it to him, despite the anger and frustration I feel towards him for claiming something he actually DIDN’T do for his kid while minimizing my own work and effort?
Your statement of old enough to not remember things that well, implies memory issues.
Has he always been this way or just recently? If it’s recently then have him see a specialist about his memory. There could be a bigger problem there. Memory problems can show up earlier then you realize.
Did his memory of events change recently?
He has in fact started idealizing the past. He first did it with his own mother (who was also someone extremely problematic with whom he barely spoke while she lived), he suddenly started denying they were ever estranged and praising her as a mom etc, as if we didn’t live through it and remember it too. You might be onto something there. He won’t see any specialist though, because obviously it’s us that don’t remember things correctly, and we can’t really force him to. Last year he had a nervous breakdown and ended up in the hospital due to anxiety. He refused to see any therapists, he just wanted a pill to make it go away.
I doubt it, but if you have bank records to prove how it was paid. That might show where the money came from.
But otherwise, ignore his comments. Change the subject and if he stops talking to you all together , then sadly there is nothing you can do.