DEAR MISS MANNERS: Lately at social events, I often find myself trapped by people who want to share, in excruciating detail, their genetic test results.
Each person finds their own results deeply compelling, marveling at length over being 3% this and 15% that, with stunning reveals like, “I thought I we were Welsh, but it turns out we’re Scottish!”
Meanwhile, the next person is on deck, barely half-listening, eagerly getting ready to launch into their own genetic saga.
Monologuing about the minutiae of one’s DNA is self-absorption at, quite literally, the cellular level. Is there a polite way to shut this down?
GENTLE READER: Oh, dear. Miss Manners would have thought that we had established the idea that bragging about one’s lineage is rude, and now it has started up again.
Well, you could try expanding the scope of the conversation. Try, “What would your ancestors have thought of the state of America today?” Or, “I suppose you must want to travel there now. What are your vacation plans this year?”
Or, “Excuse me, I need to freshen my drink.”
they tested my cum and it came back Probably Nordic, just like Opa always said!!
Do not take these tests. You are signing away the rights to your own genetic information when you send it to a company like 23AndMe.
Insurance companies buy and use data from 23andme, and it goes beyond plausible deniability. Under the Genetic Information Nondiscrimination Act, life insurance, disability insurance, and long-term care insurance are allowed to discriminate based on genetic information.
Lmao I love when they title laws the opposite of what they do like they think they’re being slick
Seems to work for most credulous fucks
:yea: I did 23 and me as a dumbass 18 year old and I really wish I hadn’t
My sister did one, so I basically did one without consenting
So, I did this for my dog because I don’t think he’s going to lose any sleep over this like I would.
And I should note that the scores I got back were comically off the mark. Like, its very obvious that this dog is some mix of spaniel and beagle had a list of breeds ranging from Rottweiler to poodle come back. Most insulting of all, they claimed our dog was from Maryland and then showed us a bunch of dogs that look nothing like our dog, asserting them to be possible relations.
So not only is your genetic data being signed away. But its almost certainly being signed away to a company that will mangle your results and just kinda slot you in as some random assortment of traits. Real shit news if you get put in the Bad Genes bucket rather than the Good Genes bucket, when your insurance company comes calling.
I find it hilarious the way people from the US have this thing where they become Ethnicity Sommeliers and go deeply into the most minute percentages of European blood that they have, and then start identifying themselves as being “half Italian, half Irish” but somehow still “3% Shoshone” when the truth is that they’re just 100% cracker
With a dash of Italian, a spoonful of English, and a giant slab of Bavarian, I Professor Crakkker have created the most perect mayo abomination
they’re just 100% cracker
When you find out “cracker” isn’t even a real ethnicity but its still somehow your ethnicity regardless.
when the truth is that they’re just 100% cracker
💀💀💀💀💀💀💀
These are deeply boring to me. I’m an asshole so sometimes I like to completely kill the vibe and force a subject change.
Im black. Usually something along the lines of “I’m like 30% European, so weird how that got there!” makes everyone very very uncomfortable and we suddenly stop chatting 23andme blood quantum.
I’ve never actually taken one of these tests either but this line works.
-proceeds to take note of all fellow Black comrades-
Tbh it’s corny hearing white people talk about their ancestry like damn man at least you got records and data, my family is probably on a ledger somewhere in the void 🤷🏿♂️
Yup. Ofc had that conversation with mom as a little kid when people at school were talking about family trees, histories, records and the like, part of a history unit or smth.
“Do we have anything like that?” “They didn’t really keep records for where our family came from honey”
Yeah, all I know is that my biological grandfather was Choctaw and that’s just cause my dad told me. I don’t know shit else about my family tree like that. Would I like to? Sure, but I’ve always felt uncomfortable with sending my damn DNA to a company with the history of Black people being used in experiments and shit…that’s a no from me
I also don’t really fw my family like that they’re pretty toxic aside from like a few lmao 🤷🏿♂️
Fuckin real talk. Similar situation actually in that I know my great grandfather was chickahominy from old pictures & newspaper clippings (I’m not about to do the white american thing and claim I’m part of that culture though), and there’s some afro cuban history but that’s about all I know. Plus half of my family are toxic no masker antivax black republicans so yeah, the value of extended family to me is…lol.
And I am 100% not sending my DNA to any of these companies, you’re right about the shady shit they could easily get up to
I’m not surprised there’s a lot of Native Black folks considering that we certainly had a shared interest, lol. I would love to learn more about the culture, respectfully. On my mom’s side I’m an islander (was born there actually) so I know about some of it but it doesn’t go back that far
It kinda sucks we don’t have a lot of options for exploring our ancestry like white people do 😑
The “I’m 2% pocahontas” white people talk nosedives when I mention my grandfather was native and didn’t learn English until he went to school.
They’re not even accurate. You’re not 3% Scottish, your DNA bears a 3% resemblance to people living in Scotland right now.
I know someone who took a dog dna test on themself and got like 100% Newfie lol
One of my coworkers was super excited about her DNA tests and it came out 100% Vietnamese and I’m not totally sure what she was expecting. She got a little sad afterwards
Was she Vietnamese?
Yeah, her parents and all of her grandparents
Maybe he got screeched in and the test detected it
Or, “Excuse me, I need to freshen my drink.”
yeah honestly i really hope this trend hits a dead-end soon. it’s terrible for privacy (by giving out your genetic info tied to the rest of your personal info, you’re helping them build entire maps of genetic data to make it easier to track your family members), it’s terrible culturally, it’s terribly uninteresting personally, and there are almost 0 benefits. just a terrible practice all around
Well, you could try expanding the scope of the conversation. Try, “What would your ancestors have thought of the state of America today?”
The people getting DNA tests all imagine their ancestors as kings and slaveowners. This would just replace a conversation about genetics with racism.
My cousins actually did a DNA test because they believe themselves to have come from royalty and wanted to confirm it. It came back such and such percent Polish, which they claim as royal somehow. I did some digging and it turns out our ancestors were actually some kind of Polish boat worker hicks who came to America illegally to escape gambling debt that amounted to less than $50
Honestly redneck boat Poles is way cooler than being descended of some foppish princeling. Your real ancestors would have held up their fake ancestors and ran their pockets.
did some digging and it turns out our ancestors were actually some kind of Polish boat worker hicks who came to America illegally to escape gambling debt that amounted to less than $50
Infinitely cooler than being descended from some inbred noble.
my relatives would always go on about how our ancestors owned some “grand salt mine” in the middle ages or whatever. Looked into it and turn out they worked in the mines
It’s like the mirror image of the “temporarily embarrassed millionaire” thing. Every american is the forgotten direct scion of european nobility and not all of the workers and peasants they’re descended from.
I think this is not just americas but that it’s present in gene-obsessed people all over europe. Anyone that gives a fuck about dna bullshit seems to be obsessed with being part of some ruling master race.
I want to take some of these tests to try to pinpoint possible genetic disease probabilities. I really don’t care for my Dutchy Deutch. Pricy so saving up.
Europeans would be the last people I would assume would want to do these kinds of tests. You’d figure country of origin would be good enough.
I need to find some 35th removed step relative so I have probable justification for leeching off a forgotten inheritance…oh god. A new Nigerian Prince scam is born! Norwegian Nobility needs to move some gold around quietly through crypto methods and can only trust you! Their 25th removed long lost family member that immigrated hudreds of years ago. He wants to “keep it in the family” but because European ESG DEI WOKE regulations only family in FREEDOM LAND can be trusted and not be stolen. Just need some up front gift cards or crypto wallet to start with and when they get past the drama and immigration your share of massive birthright fourtunes will be yours…eventually…any day now…really they just need a few more applications and diversionary delays.
It really is something else. Americans love to think of themselves as hardy and hardworking, which is not totally untrue, but let me tell you that mentality did not come from European nobility of all places.
My ancestors were all starving European refugees.
White Americans will do anything to not claim that they’re American. “I’m Irish, even though no one in my family has even been on an airplane.” Sorry Brian and Leighanna, y’all are both just cracker ass Americans.
white Americans are just so profoundly cultureless that they have a desperate need to find out that actually they’re 3% Irish or 5% Swedish, just so they can try to find some connection to an existing culture which they have nothing to do with. that’s the same reason none of these people ever brag about their English genetics, it’s the same thing.
It’s because whiteness doesn’t exist. White culture doesn’t exist, so they have to attach their identity to anything that they can, it’s actually funny cause it’s still a colonizer ass mentality
doing blood quantum studies just to discover that you’re a cracker on several continents, that’s gotta be a blow to the self esteem
Cracker Americans will always ignore their ancestry when it’s not interesting enough though. Like if they have one Italian or Irish ancestor they’ll claim they are of Italian or Irish descent, but when they’re English or Dutch or German or Scandinavian they never say that. A cracker could have 11 Swedish ancestors and 1 Scottish and the would call themself a proud celt.
Nah, certain types of people wouldn’t shut up about being “viking blood” or whatever. The real “ignore this” is being Anglo. It’s the free space.
My uncle who moved to Virginia says it’s the opposite there and they’re fucking lineage freaks who all want to trace their ancestry to this or that rock off the English coast
I think it’s a good thing that white people in settler occupied north america try to have some continued connection to the euro cultures of their families, because the other option is becoming culturally affiliated with White Amerikanness, which is an identity that is pretty profoundly based on white supremacy and racism, settlerism, the idea of the “white race” and whiteness in general, etc.
Lol yes actually. How else would you eradicate whiteness if by not identifying as white anymore? Of course it’s more than that because whiteness is also attached to capitalism, but accepting that they aren’t Americans and are actually European settlers is a good thing
live spermdonor-child reaction
Begging your fam at this Xmas dinner table not to take one.
Don’t think talking about it is necessary rude, though if you’re gloating about being descended from Franklin Pierce or something you’re obviously a dickbag.
I do think it’s interesting to trace back. And it doesn’t really need to be about your history but just getting a window into history. This is like my great x10 grandfather and he got owned in the war of the tudors https://www.thepeerage.com/p45477.htm#i454761
