Hi my fellow Lemmy users! It’s been a while since I used this platform and boy did I actually miss you all ❤️

It’s just that I’ve been more so focusing on myself in my career and in my own education. So I graduated back in June and man it sure does feel like a lifetime ago already. Settled in a good paying job and still trying to improve myself wherever I can.

This brings us to the question that I wanted to ask everyone here. As I’ve been very focused on academics and career stuff I never had the opportunity to date and I’ve been rejected very frequently (which is to be expected as a man tbh). I haven’t been able to lose weight and that I’m 25 years old.

I know that’s still pretty young but I still feel so behind on dating tbh. Is it still too late for me to find someone I want to be with after I’ve lost weight? Does losing weight help for men as it does for women? I’ve been trying to join meetups, volunteering (just to meet new people tbh) and really put myself out there. It’s just idk like all my friends are committed and I’m just floating around life whilst focusing on my career.

  • XIIIesq
    link
    fedilink
    38
    edit-2
    5 months ago

    I haven’t been able to lose weight

    You need to be honest with yourself here, everyone is able to lose weight (except a very small minority of people with severe mental and or health issues) and what you really mean to say is “I have not committed to losing weight”.

    There is a huge difference between wanting a fit and healthy body and actually committing long term to the idea of consistently smaller portions.

    And that is all it takes. You do not need to swap every meal for a shitty salad, you do not need need to run ten miles a day, you do not need to make weight loss your number one priority, you do not need the mental strength of the world’s strongest man, you do not need more time in the day or any other of the 101 excuses that overweight people use.

    • weigh yourself
    • consistently eat less
    • weigh yourself again after a few weeks/months
    • adjust the amount you eat further if necessary
    • repeat steps three and four

    If you consume less calories than you burn, then you can lose weight on a diet of pizza and sitting on the couch all day.

    I know what I’ve said here will come across as harsh, but it’s all absolutely true and I hope that you lose your unwanted weight, it really will help your dating prospects and it will make you feel better about yourself too!

    • @Geth@lemmy.dbzer0.com
      link
      fedilink
      95 months ago

      Amen to this. OP if you focused on career and income by this point maybe you have some spare money to use on a personal fitness coach. They will help guide and motivate you which long term should help with all manner of issues you might be dealing with, from mental to health. Good luck. You can do it!

      • @niemcycle@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        45 months ago

        I second this. Getting a source of external motivation like a coach is great for achieving a goal like this. Especially as they would no doubt have techniques to make the journey easier.

    • @Nollij@sopuli.xyz
      link
      fedilink
      English
      25 months ago

      While what you said is technically true, it’s not good advice. The standard advice of 'eat less, exercise more, and it’s your own fault if you don’t get results" sets up most people for failure. In fact, that’s exactly why it’s bad advice - OP has most certainly seen it and attempted it, and it’s not working for them.

      Everyone is different, and responds differently. OP needs to examine what they’ve tried and why it’s not working for them. For many people, myself included, sugar acts as a drug. The only answer is to eliminate it from your diet, AKA low-carb (keto, Atkins) diets. Other people are stress eaters who need to develop coping mechanisms. Still others are bored eaters, or people who succumb easily to temptation.

      Telling any of these people to just eat less is the one thing guaranteed to fail.

      • @hightrix@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        45 months ago

        I disagree. More people need the education around weight loss. Too many people think you can outwork a bad diet in the gym and it is simply and entirely untrue.

        You lose weight in the kitchen and you tone your body/build muscle in the gym.

        It is worth repeating because many people honestly do not understand it.

        Eat less food to lose weight. Go to the gym to get stronger.

        • @Seleni@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          25 months ago

          Or just eat more good healthy food. I know UPS drivers that eat a bit of breakfast, don’t eat lunch, and then do a decent dinner. And of course they get a good workout every day. But they’re still overweight because a lot of the food they do eat is, well, fast food and junk food.

        • @alphapro784OP
          link
          English
          25 months ago

          I agree with that statement, I’ve been going to my family’s place every weekend just for that to learn to cook with my mom lol at this age

      • XIIIesq
        link
        fedilink
        2
        edit-2
        5 months ago

        Occam’s razor.

        You can complicate the concepts of weight gain and loss all you like, it always boils down to calories in Vs calories out.

        You’ll show me 99 people that have several excuses about why they in particular can’t lose weight and I’ll only be able to show you one that holds their hands up and says “I admit it, I’m weak and I’d rather have cake now than a nice body a few months later”.

        Losing weight is like stopping smoking, it’s all conjecture and day dreams until one day you say “fuck this, I’m changing and sticking with it STARTING NOW”.

        Some people need tough love, not more readymade excuses.

        • @Nollij@sopuli.xyz
          link
          fedilink
          English
          35 months ago

          It sounds like you’ve never struggled with weight loss, and for that I congratulate you. I couldn’t manage until I learned to avoid carbs.

          Yes, the end result is still fewer calories. But this approach made it a whole lot easier for me, since it reduced my hunger.

    • @alphapro784OP
      link
      English
      15 months ago

      No you’re fine, I appreciate what you’re trying to tell me and I definitely will try to follow what you’ve said. I’m curious though as how would you try to watch your diet? I have a really really bad food control cause food has been my stress reliever and how can one be consistent in having smaller portions? Like for me, I tried to really eat a smaller portion but its just that I end eating bigger portions because idk I feel depressed and I’d just be thinking of the food more than the goals I’d like to achieve if that makes sense

      • XIIIesq
        link
        fedilink
        2
        edit-2
        5 months ago

        There’s not a one size fits all solution.

        The first thing to do is cut down on snacks and sugary drinks if you have them. Refined sugars should be the easiest thing to cut out and will make a huge impact.

        If you’re already doing that then it’s time to start controlling your portions. It will take some will power! I have noticed personally that I may still feel like I could eat more at the end of a meal but that if I wait ten of fifteen minutes then I feel absolutely fine. So focus on eating untill you’re not hungry rather than eating until you feel full.

        Some people endorse a 5/2 diet, where they will eat normally on five days of the week and then have a very restricted diet on two days (about 300-500 calories). This will recalibrate your feeling of hunger massively, most people in the western world have never experienced real hunger. You may find that what you thought was hunger was very different to actual hunger.

        I also recommend replacing your excess eating with something else. All bad habits usually need something to replace them. Whether that is drinking water or learning a new skill or reading a book or doing some exercise. Don’t just sit there and suffer, fill that time with something.