There’s so much stuff that would feel weird and stereotype-y to see someone else do and think, “they must be trans!” but when I think back on myself doing them, my only thought is, “oh, so that’s what that was about.”

  • DiscoPosting [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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    1 year ago

    de-conceptualization

    SORTIR DU PLACARD

    Bonuses from the thought:

    -1 Authority: Exposed

    -1 Composure: Volatile

    +1 Pain Threshold: Been through worse

    +1 Psyche: All pieces in place

    You once suggested going “as a girl” for Halloween and didn’t understand why your father was so angry at the idea. Once you hit puberty, you began stuffing your shirt in secret to see what you would look like if you had breasts. You’ve penned an inordinate amount of terrible lesbian fanfiction, and always wondered why you never felt excluded when your fellow authors complained about men invading their women-only space. Your life could have been a lot easier if you’d realized this earlier — but it would have been far worse to never realize at all.

  • kristina [she/her]@hexbear.netM
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    1 year ago

    i remember one time little kid me asked my teacher if she could hook me up with some estrogen after she explained what it did to the body in sex ed. she laughed like it was a joke but i was dead serious

    also a wild thing that happened to me is having a save for a game with my CURRENT NAME on it from like 2001 that i found recently. huge brainfuck because i didnt know i was trans at the time and i def didnt have a name decided on

  • My inspiration for this post: finding a playlist from when I was 14 that’s made up exclusively of tATu and Indigo Girls songs. All my friends were metalhead gamer bros and so was I, but for some reason I was baffled that they didn’t enjoy this playlist.

  • TerminalEncounter [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    1 year ago

    All my friends in highschool were girls, I was obsessed with body swap movies and retain extensive knowledge of cross gender body swap movies, I loved Ranma 1/2 and dunked cold water on my head (😬), I loved doing drag and had a normal girl name as my drag name that is now my legal name, I never could look at myself in mirrors or on video nevermind having to listen to myself in recordings, I hated shopping for dude clothes, I was really passionate about trans rights and knew trans women pathways for medicine cause I researched it a lot, etc.

    I try to be nice to myself about missing all these until way after being an adult, I think I needed the stability and calmness much later to actually be able to crack my egg. Considering the schools I went to, places I lived, how my dad was, I don’t know if I would have survived before I had way more emotional maturity and resilience (and stability).

  • NailBunny [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    1 year ago

    Lying about being a girl on the internet when I was like 12. Well, it’s confusing to look back on those days as a lie, but I certainly felt like I was lying at the time. I don’t even think I had a real justification for it at the time beyond just liking how it felt lol

  • alexandra_kollontai [she/her]@hexbear.netM
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    1 year ago

    I heard somebody call out a name and I thought “wow, Alexandra, that’s a pretty name, if I ever get the chance to name a girl I should call her that.” And then I did get the chance!

  • silent_water [she/her]@hexbear.netM
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    1 year ago

    the first time I blacked out as a teenager (just after high school), I kissed a boy because he was talking about wanting to kill himself and I wanted him to feel better. one of my friends tried to interrogate me the day after about whether or not I was gay and I was like “no, I’m definitely straight”. I was right but not in the way he understood it lmao

  • corgiwithalaptop [any, love/loves]@hexbear.netM
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    1 year ago

    I’ve recently come to realize that I’m bi. I should have realized it a few years ago when I was watching a sexy circus act that a local performer was doing. I asked my partner who it was, and they said “his name is [name].” My internal reaction was “huh…nice.” I didn’t really think about it much more until a few months ago when I realized I was getting a little flirty with a male friend.

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    Seeing myself in mirrors as a tween and teen and thinking “who is that” while getting increasingly disgusted in how I looked as I got older. I remember distinctly thinking that looked like boys in class and they didn’t look disgusting or like they hated their bodies and couldn’t figure it out.

    • Findom_DeLuise [she/her, they/them]@hexbear.net
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      1 year ago

      For one reason or another, my mom insisted on shaving my head when I was 12 or 13. When I see pictures or video footage of myself from that summer, I don’t recognize myself at all and have never been able to reconcile that I’m looking at my own physical form without feeling a wave of revulsion. I suppose that a cis person would look at something like that and think “holy shit, I was a cringey teenager,” but for me, it’s a dysphoria trigger.

      …it doesn’t help that it looked like there were dents in my head. If I ever meet my father, the first thing I’m going to do is start poking him in the top of the head while yelling, “HOW DO YOU LIKE IT? HOW DO YOU LIKE IT? HUH? HUH?”

  • Cromalin [she/her]@hexbear.netM
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    read a thing about how you’d turn into a girl magically if you kissed your elbow and spending hours and hours trying to manage it when i was like 7

    read a bunch of webcomics (el goonish shive and rain and the like) and fanfiction about ranmao getting stuck as a girl and getting really fixated on any gender bender or rule 63 stuff i could find

    getting really grumpy about my singing voice dropping when i was like 14 and not knowing why so blaming it on the songs i liked being in a weird range that made belting a pain

  • SILLY BEAN@lemmygrad.ml
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    Using a girl name for my discord account. That was me some ~3 years ago, thinking that wanting a girl name is totally cis…

  • GaveUp [she/her]@hexbear.netM
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    Had a serious debate with a male friend that being a girl would be so much better than a guy

    Felt really happy when a friend said that I had the personality of a “cute girl”

    During my first (psychedelic) trip when things started going dark, I

    CW: genital talk

    had an intense desire to chop my dick off


    , wanted to bear a child, and wished my arms were thin and slender which started my questioning

    It still took me a few years after all these things and a lot of introspection while high to figure it out 💀