There’s so much stuff that would feel weird and stereotype-y to see someone else do and think, “they must be trans!” but when I think back on myself doing them, my only thought is, “oh, so that’s what that was about.”
SORTIR DU PLACARD
Bonuses from the thought:
-1 Authority: Exposed
-1 Composure: Volatile
+1 Pain Threshold: Been through worse
+1 Psyche: All pieces in place
You once suggested going “as a girl” for Halloween and didn’t understand why your father was so angry at the idea. Once you hit puberty, you began stuffing your shirt in secret to see what you would look like if you had breasts. You’ve penned an inordinate amount of terrible lesbian fanfiction, and always wondered why you never felt excluded when your fellow authors complained about men invading their women-only space. Your life could have been a lot easier if you’d realized this earlier — but it would have been far worse to never realize at all.
i remember one time little kid me asked my teacher if she could hook me up with some estrogen after she explained what it did to the body in sex ed. she laughed like it was a joke but i was dead serious
also a wild thing that happened to me is having a save for a game with my CURRENT NAME on it from like 2001 that i found recently. huge brainfuck because i didnt know i was trans at the time and i def didnt have a name decided on
i def didnt have a name decided on
something tells me you definitely did lmao
I DIDNT THO
you were being haunted by a ghost
unironically being possessed by my nazi killing ancestors
What was the game?
i think it was pokemon yellow
lol, I booted up a laptop I hadn’t touched in 8 years and opened up a game on my desktop and saw that the save file was my current name when I’ve only been using that name for like 3 years
the past is haunting us
My inspiration for this post: finding a playlist from when I was 14 that’s made up exclusively of tATu and Indigo Girls songs. All my friends were metalhead gamer bros and so was I, but for some reason I was baffled that they didn’t enjoy this playlist.
All my friends in highschool were girls, I was obsessed with body swap movies and retain extensive knowledge of cross gender body swap movies, I loved Ranma 1/2 and dunked cold water on my head (😬), I loved doing drag and had a normal girl name as my drag name that is now my legal name, I never could look at myself in mirrors or on video nevermind having to listen to myself in recordings, I hated shopping for dude clothes, I was really passionate about trans rights and knew trans women pathways for medicine cause I researched it a lot, etc.
I try to be nice to myself about missing all these until way after being an adult, I think I needed the stability and calmness much later to actually be able to crack my egg. Considering the schools I went to, places I lived, how my dad was, I don’t know if I would have survived before I had way more emotional maturity and resilience (and stability).
dunked cold water on my head (😬)
This is a trans thing? Could you please explain?
the main character of ranma 1/2 was born a boy but turns into a girl (
)whenever splashed with cold water, and turns back with warm waterOoh, that makes so much more sense. I thought it was a list of separate things. Thank you.
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Lying about being a girl on the internet when I was like 12. Well, it’s confusing to look back on those days as a lie, but I certainly felt like I was lying at the time. I don’t even think I had a real justification for it at the time beyond just liking how it felt lol
you committed to the bit
I heard somebody call out a name and I thought “wow, Alexandra, that’s a pretty name, if I ever get the chance to name a girl I should call her that.” And then I did get the chance!
the first time I blacked out as a teenager (just after high school), I kissed a boy because he was talking about wanting to kill himself and I wanted him to feel better. one of my friends tried to interrogate me the day after about whether or not I was gay and I was like “no, I’m definitely straight”. I was right but not in the way he understood it lmao
that’s so cute
Egg thread!
I’ve recently come to realize that I’m bi. I should have realized it a few years ago when I was watching a sexy circus act that a local performer was doing. I asked my partner who it was, and they said “his name is [name].” My internal reaction was “huh…nice.” I didn’t really think about it much more until a few months ago when I realized I was getting a little flirty with a male friend.
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I had a similar moment watching some grainy old concert footage from the 70s, and there was a half-shadowed guitarist with long black locks and a slim-strong build, in that way that typically happens to like rock climbing women. So I said to my friend “Damn, I like a woman with some muscle” and she said “that’s a dude” to which I replied "yeah, good, okay."
Hell yeahhhh
The fact that i have a lot of core memories of masking feminine behavior should have been an indicator
Seeing myself in mirrors as a tween and teen and thinking “who is that” while getting increasingly disgusted in how I looked as I got older. I remember distinctly thinking that looked like boys in class and they didn’t look disgusting or like they hated their bodies and couldn’t figure it out.
For one reason or another, my mom insisted on shaving my head when I was 12 or 13. When I see pictures or video footage of myself from that summer, I don’t recognize myself at all and have never been able to reconcile that I’m looking at my own physical form without feeling a wave of revulsion. I suppose that a cis person would look at something like that and think “holy shit, I was a cringey teenager,” but for me, it’s a dysphoria trigger.
…it doesn’t help that it looked like there were dents in my head. If I ever meet my father, the first thing I’m going to do is start poking him in the top of the head while yelling, “HOW DO YOU LIKE IT? HOW DO YOU LIKE IT? HUH? HUH?”
read a thing about how you’d turn into a girl magically if you kissed your elbow and spending hours and hours trying to manage it when i was like 7
read a bunch of webcomics (el goonish shive and rain and the like) and fanfiction about
getting stuck as a girl and getting really fixated on any gender bender or rule 63 stuff i could findgetting really grumpy about my singing voice dropping when i was like 14 and not knowing why so blaming it on the songs i liked being in a weird range that made belting a pain
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read a thing about how you’d turn into a girl magically if you kissed your elbow and spending hours and hours trying to manage it when i was like 7
was it some weird kids book? I think I remember that one too
yeah, i think so
Lol found it
yeah, that was it!! i’m now vividly remembering this cover
getting really fixated on any gender gender or rule 63 stuff i could find
real
Using a girl name for my discord account. That was me some ~3 years ago, thinking that wanting a girl name is totally cis…
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Had a serious debate with a male friend that being a girl would be so much better than a guy
Felt really happy when a friend said that I had the personality of a “cute girl”
During my first (psychedelic) trip when things started going dark, I
CW: genital talk
had an intense desire to chop my dick off
, wanted to bear a child, and wished my arms were thin and slender which started my questioning
It still took me a few years after all these things and a lot of introspection while high to figure it out 💀
