I’d say 80% of this is traceable to having a comfortable amount of money his entire life and decent, non-abusive parents. A lot of anxiety and mental illness most people experience is traceable to trauma due to scarcity or trauma due to family. Ditto sleep disorders and reactability.
It doesn’t explain everything, of course. No allergies is just a lucky die roll (and may not be true forever; allergies sometimes develop over time, or appear because you finally tried something new). And plenty of mental illnesses can still develop no matter who you are.
I’m convinced that the vast majority of us are just canon-balling between traumatic event to traumatic event, with no real time to stop and process. So we inevitably freak out over something small, without realizing that the level of emotion we feel is a reflection of unresolved trauma, and not indicative of whatever the triggering event is. Sometimes, I see news stories about someone flipping out on a plane or in public, and I wonder what they’re actually upset over, what happened to their past selves that so heavily contributed to their over-reaction today? I think you can only truly understand someone when you know their tragedies.
I think trauma and hardship in general isn’t additive, rather multiplicative or exponential.
Like, once there’s a “core” trauma, small every day issues seems bigger and harder to deal with, and that kinda builds on itself so any new hardship seems bigger and bigger and so on.
I’m convinced that the vast majority of us are just canon-balling between traumatic event to traumatic event, with no real time to stop and process.
Much of that is just life though. I’ve always wondered if this misunderstanding is one of the fundamental sources of many people’s anxiety.
So we inevitably freak out over something small, without realizing that the level of emotion we feel is a reflection of unresolved trauma, and not indicative of whatever the triggering event is.
For some reason most people assume the “good times” are the default and the “traumatic event” is the outlier. I don’t believe that is the case.
The “traumatic event” is the default, the “good times” are the outlier.
So when a traumatic event happens the question isn’t “Why did this happen to me?” but rather the statement “That was a really great run of temporary ‘good times’, now lets deal with this event”.
Thats when having money comes in. Many years ago a family member gave me a saged piece of advice when I was young “If you have a problem that can be solved by money, and you have money, you don’t have a problem”. A flat tire, for many, can be a traumatic event listed above. It can mean finding money you don’t have for a new tire, loss of income from missing work, impacts to your family from not being able to pick up your kid from school/daycare, or loss of advancement at work from being considered “unreliably” and being passed over for promotion. Those can all trigger the consequences of “traumatic event”. However, if you have a couple hundred bucks unallocated to your name you can immediately lay your hands on and spend, a flat tire isn’t a problem, its a mild annoyance.
So having money doesn’t remove the “canon-balling between traumatic event to traumatic event”, but it removes many events that would otherwise be traumatic leaving you with less trauma overall, and keeping your capacity to deal with the trauma mostly in check with the understanding that life will always give you more as time passes. This also makes you very much appreciate the outlier “good times” when you’re experiencing them, because you know they will end.
When you said trauma wasn’t a big deal and we should get used to it, drag thought you were being unreasonably flippant. But then drag read that you think of a flat tire as a good example of a traumatic event, and it suddenly made sense to drag. You think trauma isn’t a big deal because you’ve had an easy life with mild traumas.
When you said trauma wasn’t a big deal and we should get used to it, drag thought you were being unreasonably flippant.
Not sure what post you read that in, but it wasn’t mine.
But then drag read that you think of a flat tire as a good example of a traumatic event,
Nope, didn’t say that either.
That’s not what they said.
They were giving an example about how having enough money or not having enough money meaning something ‘mild’ (flat tire) can either be a minor problem (having enough money that buying a new tire and missing a bit of work while the car gets taken to the shop isn’t a problem) or a major issue causing lots of trauma via a lot of ‘smaller’ problems that stack (having to come up with spare money you don’t have to buy a new tire, missing work so your paycheck is too small to support you, unable to get to your kid in time after school, getting in trouble at work for the time you were gone dealing with the tire issue, etc).
You should read the book “The Body Keeps the Score”
That book should not be taken seriously. Very much pseudoscience.
Well, it had a bunch of the answers I’d been looking for all my life, since therapists won’t ever just come out and tell you any of that.
Do you think all of psychology is pseudoscience, or just the stuff that hasn’t made it into the DSM yet? Who are you to say that a therapist with years of research experience doesn’t know what they’re talking about?
I’m not, but a quick search tells me the Canadian Journal of Psychology called it “arguably the most serious catastrophe to strike the mental health field since the lobotomy era” and I’ll defer to an expert on this.
That’s quite a claim. I’m sure the industry generally does not want to stop numbing people with black-box drugs. That’s way easier than actually trying to heal people.
If you have the time, I strongly recommend Carrie Poppy’s talk on this subject. You may find it enlightening.
https://pca.st/episode/b8b7d820-0cbd-4902-8864-e6205097006d
Whether you do or not, I’m glad the book helped you! That’s genuinely wonderful. It does, however, posit a lot of disproven theories that can be very harmful when taken seriously. The Satanic Panic is the best possible example of this.
I have two teenaged boys brought up together , close in age, and most of their lives had an intact family and comfortable life …
- one has anxiety, the other doesn’t
- one has sleep issues, the other doesn’t
- one has overeating issues, the other doesn’t
- one is sedentary, the other an athlete.
- one has allergies, the other doesn’t
I don’t know what to make of my younger kid: he does his homework on time and gets good grades. He goes to bed on time and gets a healthy amount of sleep. He eats a healthy amount with good nutritional choices. He’s an athlete on a varsity team and likes working out. He’s open to new experiences, new cuisines, new knowledge, and has friends different races, preferences, and peer groups. He’s popular with both fellow students and with teachers. He’s not anxious nor bullying nor mean. I don’t understand him at all.
There are just so many factors that go into a person’s experience of life. Even something as simple as being on the older side or the younger side when you first start school can have a giant impact.
When our youngest was just at the age where she was allowed to get up and turn on the TV by herself and watch something while we were sleeping, 9-11 happened. I left the house early for work that morning. When my wife got up, our daughter was terrified. They had repeatedly interrupted Nickelodeon to show the planes hitting the buildings, and she was too young to understand that it was the same planes being shown over and over - she thought planes were falling out of the sky all over and crashing into buildings. She was waiting for one to hit our house. It took a long time before we realized that’s what she was thinking. At 27, it’s still left lasting issues. If she had been younger, she wouldn’t have seen it, and if she had been older she would have likely understood better.
Who the hell decides to put 9/11 on Nickelodeon? Kids watch that!
I was dumbfounded
Should have sued the network for money to pay for therapy for the kid. It’s their mess, they can pay to clean it up.
Normal happy healthy person here. Money helps ALOT, parents were abusive but I worked past it and they got help. Can confirm allergies CAN just pop up as you get old. Thanks for nothing coffee allergy!
It’s true. The Alot does appreciate the benefits of having money, though too much of it is, well, an Alot of a different color entirely.
I agree the things you mentioned play a role in mental health. Just to stress what you said by the end, because people sometimes don’t know and are confused: there’s an awful lot of hereditary mental illnesses. There can be nothing wrong in your life and just the lotery of genes makes you miserable.
Also being born neurotypical.
To everyone in the comments saying he must have other mental health problems: do you really not believe someone can just be “normal” or is it a meme?
Because bubbles are a thing. If you rarely interact with neurotypical people you can start to see them as a kind of unicorn even if there are a lot around. Our perception of how likely things are, is shaped by the bubble we surround us with.
But also because the world sucks ass and people are getting more comfortable talking about their mental health. Two of the three coworkers I was close to at my job were on the same antidepressant as me. That’s not a “I only communicate with similarly fucked up people” thing, these are people I didn’t have a choice in meeting. Not that your comment isn’t accurate, I think it’s also just you’re more comfortable talking about your mental health with the friends and communities you’re close to.
Oh definitely, growing acceptance of mental health issues is also part of this.
You said it better. Everyone around me “looks normal”, and what the post is saying is actually bizarre for me to be amazed at. The poster may have been surrounded by people open about their mental health issues, whereas in my area mental health is still a stigma to a large extent. Most people I interact with are ostensibly normal, but I know there some out there who take medications for mental health but they would not be saying and showing it to everyone.
Perfect is impossible, Normal is a range. Everyone has a personality and individual quirks, but unless they are interfering with your life, that is normal, yes?
not having mental illness does not mean being perfect. Not in any way.
That’s what I’d say, yeah
“normal” is not only unnatural, but a goal that cannot be reached.
Most of the things people call mental disorders are actually things we evolved to be advantages in a more natural competitive environment. When I say natural, I mean before cameras and machines that should be making a joke of scarcity of not for our greedy overlords.
By “normal” I don’t mean having no emotions or anxieties at all. I mean not having significant visible mental health problems.
Not sure what your last sentence has to do with anything. “Normal” people existed both before and after capitalism, and it’s perfectly natural, healthy, and achievable to some to have no significant mental health disorders.
The terms normal, healthy, and natural evolve depending on cultural and scientific ideas. Being gay is natural again, but some don’t like the word because they associate it with hate. Normal is a word I associate with hate and exclusivity. I have always been, and always will be, abnormal.
Valid, although I think it’s possible to view something as abnormal without hating or excluding it. I was using it in that sense (analytical rather than judgemental), apologies if that implied hate to you.
Ah jeez no I’m sorry, I was being much too severe and I had oversimplified it. Normalcy is great for all kinds of things like roads and statistics. Some of my best friends are normal!
No worries, glad we agree :)
Plenty of “normal” people (maybe all of them) still struggle with their own issues. I’m well-regarded as an expert in my field, I’d be considered successful by most standards, and I don’t outwardly show any red flags around my colleagues. They probably assume I don’t take any medication, because I don’t exactly wear a list of my prescriptions printed on my shirt. They probably don’t assume I work out, because they’re not blind, but whatever. Little do they know that the only thing keeping me sane are a few tiny pills and probably way too much beer.
My point is, it’s normal to be flawed. Everyone is flawed, and it’s part of being a human. By comparing yourself to others, you’re comparing yourself to the image that others portray, not to other people as they truly are. Compare yourself to version of yourself that’s happy, and strive to become that person.
Not all of them. Sure we all have “issues” but nowhere near the same magnitude.
source: I’m one of those that had to be thought how crippling certain situations are. I don’t work out and oversleep though!
Yup. It’s always good to keep in mind that some issues are hidden and that your perception of someone is different to who they truly are, as OP said. But there’s no Universal Law of Conservation of Personal Problems that dictates that everyone must have the same level of significant problems in their life. Some people have less, and some have more. It usually averages out but there will be people on either end of the spectrum having a very bad or good time.
I’m like 90% of the way there although I do have diagnosed ADHD which makes time management and organization difficult but not impossible.
Honestly, it was school that was hard to deal with. I was pretty messed up until I got out of college and got a career job. It’s amazing what a fat paycheck, a good night’s sleep, and not having to worry about differential equations homework does.
You never know what some people used to be like. I know a top tier defense attorney who used to be a heroin addict, and a company VP who was homeless for 3 years.
Yeah that’s the thing of taking a snapshot of a persons life.
this is what makes me pause and wonder if the person who originally posted that Reddit in the image was just observing through a fish lens of self comparison to another person, or if they actually talked with that person and that person really did claim all those things.
He’s totally a serial killer.
Check his air conditioner
Why are we glorifying mental health like it’s Pokémon gym badges? So many people just self diagnosing and claiming it’s like an RPG buff rather than bringing proper support and sharing to a conversation. " I feel personally attacked" every time some quirky “oh my osd” meme is posted. If this was real that person seems immature and toxic af. Dude probably keeping as low key as possible so his child brain co workers don’t bother him with their so special issues.
I’m sure the dude has his issues.
He might just be better at masking them, who knows… Or maybe the issues he has aren’t with his mental health or physical health.
Staying physically active is a big part of maintaining your mental health, I won’t argue that, but it’s not the magic bullet some people want you to think it is.
Some people desperately need to think everyone has issues …
No one is totally free of issues
I’m no therapist but I’d say a good chunk of someone’s wellbeing is tied to their physical health. Physical health = mental health So even a small walk can give a big improvement. Sauce :I’ve been less suicidal and mentally fucked since I started doing crossfit.
Even though it seems silly, making sure you’re actually exercising, getting good sleep, and eating well should be the first step on the road to improving your mental health every time.
It’s basically the “have you tried turning it off and on again?” of therapy.
For me it seems to be the other way around. I never exercised because I didn’t feel well. Once I got a grip on my mental issues, I started being more physically active, because it was easier. Mind the difference between cause and consequence!
Exactly!
That’s true, but the annoying thing about it is that while it’s an easy and obvious solution, dragging yourself out of the hole to get up and actually do it it much easier said than done.
dragging yourself out of the hole to get up and actually do it it much easier said than done.
That was how my doctor finally convinced me to go on Medication for my depression. I had been totally against it for a long time for a couple of reasons that I won’t go into. But my doctor finally made me realize that the drugs aren’t the cure. But the cure requires motivation and planning (therapy, schedules, exercise, routines, confronting negative thoughts, etc…) that can be impossible to even get up the energy and motivation to do.
So the drugs exist to basically give your brain the chemical assist it needs in order to get your ass in gear and start the process of getting better.
Precisely! I see it as a stopgap.
This sounds like me before trump, the pandemic, losing my brother, aunt and father-in-law to COVID (due to them not taking it seriously because of politics) and finally getting laid off from my job of 16 years.
Now I eat a handful a pills every day just so I can make it through the day without losing my shit on the next person who slightly annoys me.
Lucky bastard
Normal people are those you don’t know enough about.
He knows, and he does. You’re just too busy talking about yourself to consider he might be a person too
I don’t get neurotypical people tbh
I’m starting to wonder why we call them neurotypical if everyone seems to be some flavour if neurodivergent.
This is what life is like if you just feel better
I’ve had to explain… basically everything to him because he had never experienced/heard of these before
Oh I see what happened here. You as The Giver must enlighten this sheltered one the experiences that were entrusted to you. He might not forgive you for sharing such knowledge, but it is your duty.
