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My favourite ever Crusader Kings patch note was “Intelligent women no longer confront their pregnant lesbian lover to ask if they are the father of that child. Stupid women however, still have a chance to ask that question.”
I really liked the one that said they had resolved late game lag caused by Greek characters constantly evaluating whether or not to castrate everyone
Made Buddhist ambitions easier to fulfill
Need that patch irl lol
I’m not saying Buddhists never have ambitions, but they’re definitely doing buddhism wrong if they do.
I mean, striving for nirvana is an ambition.
This reminds me of a story I read once about some airline that was well regarded for its adept mechanic/technician workforce. They would have sassy inspection notes like
Pilot: Front left tire almost needs replacing
Mechanic: Almost replaced front left tire.I remember seeing something like that years ago. A few more that popped to my memory just now:
PILOT: autopilot altitude hold has a 100 ft/min descent.
MECHANIC: cannot reproduce issue on ground.PILOT: evidence of tyre leak in left main landing gear.
MECHANIC: evidence removed.PILOT: [system] behaves funny.
MECHANIC: [system] has been firmly told to get their shit together and straighten up their act.PILOT: strange sounds behind console. Sounds like a midget beating things with a hammer.
MECHANIC: hammer taken from midgetThere was something about the speaker being at an unbelievable volume as well?
If I’m remembering right it was:
PILOT: Headset volume is unbelievably loud.
MECHANIC: Headset volume has been set to a more believable level.A few more I remember from way back when:
PILOT: Mouse found in cockpit.
MECHANIC: Cat installed.PILOT: Something loose in cockpit
Mechanic: Something tightened in cockpitPILOT: Friction locks cause throttle to stick.
MECHANIC: Good, they’re supposed to.(How did you get a new line without a blank line between them??? Formatting shouldn’t be this hard.)
PILOT: dead bugs on windshield.
MECHANIC: live bugs on back order.PILOT: suspect crack in windshield.
MECHANIC: suspect you’re right.PILOT: number 3 engine missing.
MECHANIC: Engine found on right wing after brief search.On another note, I found a version closer to The Source:
right hereAlso, with regards to formatting, a manual line end, without the blank line in between, like a HTML tag
<br />, is achieved by having two spaces just before the line break.
Like this.THANK
YOUYou’re
Welcome
😉👍
Why is that, though? Why not line break where I’ve entered a line break?
Two spaces can be a pain on mobileHeck if I know.
You should definitely play both Crusader Kings and Dwarf Fortress - the feeling that you get when you read it: “Hah, it feels like in real life but damn it’s crazy” Is true for gameplay of both games in general. When things are simulated with enough details, stories appear!
Even the amount of pre-written stuff for Crusader Kings is insane.
I once got seduced and murdered by my own sister as revenge for murdering my brothers to inherit their kingdoms. The funny part was that the “getting seduced by my sister” part was apparently a scripted event based on actual history. And that’s just one example.
That sounds like the north Iberia start, with the 3 brothers each with their own kingdoms and the intrigue sister.
That’s right, I just can’t remember anyone’s names.
I’ve started Dward Fortress a bunch of times but I always feel like I’m messing something up and want to restart - never managed to play long enough to lose on it.
So I play both Rimworld and DF pretty often and I always tell people to play Rimworld first. Get used to the type of game itself and then step up to the big boy that is DF.
Both are very much worth your time, and I figure it’s a good introduction without being overwhelmed.
Man, I’ve been wanting to pick up Rimworld forever, but I’m pretty scrupulous about only buying games at a steep discount (making exceptions for supporting indie devs I like), and I’ve never seen it more than 20% off. I guess we’ll see who blinks first.
I tried both and I just couldn’t get past the initial complexity wall. After the tutorials the game kind of just leaves you like”good luck, figure it out.” And I still don’t even know what I’m supposed to be doing.
My favorite is a patch note from Team Fortress 2: Fixed a server crash caused by sniper trying to eat his gun
Snipin’s a good job mate. I guarantee you’ll not go hungry.
Dwarf fortress is wild to read about. One of these days I’ll be brave enough to try it.
Oh it’s a forever free game, the Steam version comes with some exclusive cosmetic stuff. It’s definitely the nicest way to play, but the free version still gets all the updates.
doesn’t cost money, “Free” is probably not the right word, lol
What else would you call a game that doesn’t cost money?
There is a cost, but it’s not measured in currency.
Well, it is quite a time investment.
just like any other game???
Oh. Oh no. No no no no no.
I know somebody who played for 48 hours straight, passed out on his way to the bathroom, and broke his shoulder.
It’s not like any other game.I’ve played Dwarf Fortress (since 0.31). I’m not in the least bit suprised. It is seriously addictive.
As for myself I’ve had way too many “I’ll just…” then “oh damn it’s 3am again”.
You can download it off the Devs, and it’ll be free, but the UI is about as opaque as a foot-thick wall of lead.
Alternatively, you can buy the Steam version, and that one is way more accessible.
Some of the funniest Dwarf Fortress bugs I remember hearing about:
-Cats were dying of alcohol poisoning because they would walk through puddles of alcohol in the tavern, and then ingest it when cleaning themselves
-A hammerer (dispenser of dwarven justice) didn’t have a hammer, so when they went to punish a criminal, they bit their arm and tore it off, and then went about their day holding the severed arm in their mouth.
The problem with the cats wasn’t that it wasn’t that they ingested alcohol cleaning themselves, it was that the numbers were off and they ingested so much they instantly dropped dead from alcohol poisoning
In rimworld (heavily inspired by DF), animals for some reason prefer to drink beer before any other food. It’s silly having a pop up tell you your puppy developed cirrhosis.
If I recall correctly, dwarves born in the fortress or arriving as babies remained roughly cat sized throughout their lives, as they didn’t actually grow in size while growing up.
One of my favourites was when an EverQuest patch added the command “/stand” to replace the much less intuitive “/sit off”.
I think that from now on I am going to use the phrase “sit off” as my new favourite insult. Mostly just to confuse people.
The werewolves up in the trees shouting down at passersby to repent is a pretty great image
Better than random geese roaming around shouting at Nazgul I suppose…
Reminds me a little bit of Minecraft updates.
With Minecraft you have the Herobrine story - a player claimed in a video that another player named Herobrine was showing up in his offline game and causing chaos. He was trying to create a creepypasta rumour that Minecraft was haunted by the creator’s dead brother, and probably only failed because he was careless and let himself be caught on audio saying that’s what he was doing.
Ever since, the developers occasionally release update notes that include the line ‘removed Herobrine’.
The patch notes for The Sims had to be my favorite.
Ah yess… Pregnant Sims can no longer brawl & When the meteor hit building every sims will evacuate unless it’s school
Children can no longer Woohoo with the Grim Reaper
Population control.
Gotta start young I guess
Stardew Valley had one that said something to the effect of “fixed the Geneva convention violation”
Translation: he gave the red crosses in the game a different color
There used to be a Twitter account called The Strange Log which regularly posted things like this. Looks like it’s inactive now, though.
While I am not saying this is the reason, quite a lot of Twitter users jumped ship, and a fair number came to Tumblr, when Twitter’s new owner took over. They thought Twitter might change and become less welcoming towards them, while Tumblr has always been welcoming to almost anyone who wants to join.
If they’re not telling you in the patch notes it’s probably because there is so much code churn that to retroactively document every fixed bug would amount to too much work.
That being said: if you have good git commit messages and pr bodies this process is very much automatic (at least ton GitHub) releases can have a bunch of notes from the merged prs automatically such as “PR #3964 Fixed thing at place when condition”.
Also sometimes if I don’t want to admit just how badly I screwed up, I put “#Fix 824 : fixed various issues” as opposed to “#Fix824 : fix to repair the fact I put the wrong select statement in the query in the last upgrade” because who wants to have THAT in the notes?
