I’m just middle aged and lost all energy for unproductive discussions. The second another poster posts something genuinely hostile, like “touch grass” kinda shit, I’m just done talking. Also if we’re six comments in and the other guy won’t even admit to being wrong to the thing he said on comment one, despite me doing twenty minutes of research to prove conclusively that he’s wrong, I don’t want to waste another second of my life on him.
I gotta have 10% of the “disengage” comments on this site.
Hot take, I think the “disengage” rule is good but I don’t like the way we do it.
Saying “disengage” sounds like your commanding someone to disengage, which comes off as a final “fuck you!” It’s basically a mod enforced way to have the last word. If we instead said “I’m disengaging” or “i want to cease this convo”, idk something that had more to a tinge of humility to it I think it could come off better.
if we instead said “I’m disengaging” or “i want to cease this convo”, idk something that had more to a tinge of humility to it I think it could come off better.
Ya I agree, this sounds way better.
I say “k” or stop replying.
Saying “disengage” is a bit milquetoast I agree.
There’s also the issue where someone will write a multi paragraph response then add disengage at the end to ger the last word in
There was a post a while ago where mods were saying not to do that but it isn’t enforced
Its absolutely enforced when we see it happen. Report any instance of the disengage rule being used improperly like that. We don’t see everything and rely heavily on user reports to point out CoC violations
Was gonna say I’m pretty sure that’s against the rules and you don’t have to respect that “disengage” if it’s made like that.
There’s also the issue where someone will write a multi paragraph response then add disengage at the end to ger the last word in
That hasn’t been an issue for over a year. Doing that will - or at least was - grounds for a banning. I know because I’m the one that asked for the rule to be clarified so it didn’t work like that.
There was some drama with some user who kept doing it, which was the motivation for the rule change/clarification.I’ve got someone banned for not respecting proper disengage etiquette, so it’s definitely enforced when reported.
You know I tried something like that recently, but the people who need a disengage aren’t the ones to take a hint. It’s a command because the people who’s hobby that day is to argue with you aren’t going to respect polite boundaries.
Okay but I’ve seen as many examples of people using it as a “have the last word spell” than as a way to tell someone who’s legit been pestering you to fuck off.
I’m pretty sure spamming someone with replies after they’ve asked you to stop is against the rules anyway so you could just report them.
Can you explain the disengage rule? I think this is the first I’m hearing about it and that’s kind of weird/concerning because I feel like I should know the rules of this place.
I’m not a mod so I’m really not the best person to ask
If you want a conversation to stop, especially with a user who’s constantly replying or following you. You can respond with “Disengage.”, and the user is obliged to stop posting at you about whatever it is. The post has to be a simple ‘disengage’, rather than trying to get the last word in with “you stink and here’s five reasons why also disengage”.
Thanks for explaining!
Saying you want to disengage isn’t just for you, it’s also a signal to the other person that you have no interest in talking to them and they shouldn’t waste their time either, not just yours. If they respond to a “disengage” with some smug comeback, they’re just wasting their time.
If it sucks hit da bricks
At least on this site, there’s so many times its the same miserable poster being overly hostile for no reason, there’s no point in engaging
I block people all the time for being kinda annoying or unfunny or hostile to others and don’t think twice about it
It feels like Hexbear is warmer than other places on social media. But I have this habit of scrolling past long comment chains, so maybe I’m just missing it.
Does blocking prevent the other person from seeing and replying to you? Or does it just stop you from seeing them? Thanks.
Also do note, if you block a user, you will also be unable to view any replies to comments they make (but the 'xx more replies > ’ link will still show and their comments will show up towards the post comment count. It’s a glitch I believe but it’s a weird artifact that kind of reminds you of the person you blocked, and can hide legitimate comments you would like to read. (I’m relaying this from what I’ve heard, I haven’t blocked anyone)
Good to know
it also comes up from when you click on a thread at it says 40 comments and you go on and there is no comments, because the only top level comments are from people you blocked ( i block after very little annonyance)
That’s what your browser’s incognito-adjacent mode is for, just in case someone I know is a total fuckhead is in a comment chain of someone I actually fw
Stops you from seeing them
Thanks. I guess I’d like them to not be able to reply to me, but not seeing them is pretty good too.
Yeah it would be nice if it went both ways.
I dont think they can reply to you, I’ve blocked someone for being overly hostile in an argument and they couldn’t reply to me
I’ve blocked a bunch of people and sometimes I see I have replies I can’t see. I checked the comment chain while logged out and it was someone I’d blocked, so they can still reply sometimes at least
Blocked people have replied to me in the past. It definitely only half-stops you seeing their posts.
the same miserable poster being overly hostile
Some of them reminds me of my time working in a kitchen. You have one or two of those psychoes who get spit on the bosses or customers and they lash out at the juniors of the crew.
Absolute control freaks with a napoleonic complexe
Wow that sucks
Deleted for replying the comment
Sorry, did you reply to the wrong comment?
Ah shit lmao i’m so sorry but yes working in the kitchen sucks and we are seeing similar behaviour out of kitchen situation too.
I guess this is just human condition
It’s just an online forum. You don’t know them and you owe them nothing.
If you feel malice from them, disengage/block immediately.
Disengage is for if people are following you between threads and comments, not a “Get the last word in” spell.
and yes, If someone makes one reply that’s a stupid misinterpretation of what I said, blocked forever.
Set whatever boundaries you need to set to have a healthy relationship with the site. Replying “disengage” is just a signal to moderators. As much as it’s been established as a social norm so that it doesn’t come off as
every time it’s used, it was established as a way for moderators to enforce disengagement. If someone isn’t harassing you, you can just not reply. That’s always fine and okay. Unless you’re forming personal relationships with people here somehow, the person ideally won’t even notice because they’ll have a handful of other threads they’ve commented on anyway.reminding everyone that the disengage rule was made before blocking worked. Be generous with your comm and user blocks, life is short.
I wish blocking worked better, you can still see when blocked users have replied. And blocked users can still see and comment on your posts all the same, doesn’t feel nice.
And blocked users can still see and comment on your posts all the same, doesn’t feel nice.
As long as you don’t actually see the comments, I would say this is a good thing because you can see the loser coping and seething at your comments while you’ve long since moved on with your life.
You can’t see the comments directly, but you will see “x more replies” which means a blocked user replied. Which is very annoying.
Nah, i wouldn’t even comment that i disengage, i’d just ignore it.
People aren’t always gonna be online and able to reply to stuff, much less have longer discussions and i think most people understand that. sometimes i feel bad for not replying to people who replied to me because i went offline for a couple of days and didn’t see it, but that’s just part of communicating on a site like this.
No, sometimes I just get the vibe off a chat or remember the user’s interactions with another and I leave before it begins.
flame wars are just totally useless
Fabian strategy. Never engage from the start and let them tire themselves out.
I just get bored of long struggle sessions when there are so many other things I want to do. If someone wants to keep it going after a few replies I’ll stop responding
Is it improper to do “Disengage” too early in a discussion?
I’m just another Internet random but, FWIW, I don’t think it’s improper.
I read something recently that I think is relevant. It was just someone else’s hearsay, not a quote from a philosopher or someone famous or something, but worth paraphrasing here.
It went something like, “nice people are nice because they don’t have patience for bullshit.”
The context was an explanation that having boundless patience for, e.g., unproductive arguments, isn’t being nice—that’s just letting people walk all over you.
Being nice comes from the mental tranquility of knowing that you will not hesitate to walk away from unproductive pursuits.
Life is short. I can’t imagine you being on your deathbed lamenting the fact that you routinely refused to go 12+ comments deep with someone who was being obstinate and arguing like its bloodsport.
You have a right to reclaim your peace.
