This might be a hot take, but people don’t seem to realise that like… how do I explain this…
well let me put it this way;
In modern society, think about how sex is described for women. Women don’t fuck, they get fucked. Think about how porn describes women being fucked. They get dominated, they get destroyed.
Think about how much porn is about rape, choking and other violence against women.
this type of talk dominates how cis dudes talk about sex with women, don’t pretend it doesn’t.
There is a reason that our language considers shit like “Get fucked” “Fuck you” and “I’m going to fuck you up” as insults. To fuck someone is to be the victor, to be fucked is to be humiliated, to be destroyed and dehumanised.
I mean, thankfully women are slowly taking back sex as something good and fun and empowering. But that history of sex as violent still lingers.
Frankly I don’t like it either. I wish we had a more egalitarian language for talking about sexual relations with a partner. Maybe that could contribute towards building a culture about mutual appreciation for both partners needs. I wish the sex culture in general emphasized that more instead of putting so much emphasis on this dominance/submission role stuff.
This is also reproduced in gay male sexual culture as I’m starting to find out. Like, why can’t people just have fun together and not make it about reproducing our societies’s hierarchies for once. No, we still have to get frazzled over who is literally on top.
Absolutely.
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I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
Ive spent too much time around men when they think theres no women around, or almost worse, when they think theres only one woman. The way they talk about sex is revolting most of the time.
Re: porn, its gross how much erotic lit is filled with racist, sexist bullshit, i thought it would be a good escape, the best thing is to write your own ig.
Yeah I said something similar in a post above. Honestly, there’s been a couple dudes I wanted to deck over the shit they’ve said about some of my friends. It’s like… They’re people too my guy, they’re not your little pleasure fuck boxes.
There is a reason that our language considers shit like “Get fucked” “Fuck you” and “I’m going to fuck you up” as insults.
adding on to your point, there’s also “this sucks” and “suck my dick/balls” and “they suck X’s dick” - all demeaning and insulting phrases. It’s simultaneously homophobic and misogynist, as it’s fundamentally bad to be the “sucker” and good to be the “suckee”.
This also ties into homophobia. They don’t hate gay people per say, they hate men being “dominated” by penetration and being precised as feminine. It’s an assault and a threat to their group privilege. What they really hate is women because, and just as with racism, they need to dehumanize their victims to rationalize the exploitation.
Ties into everything. It’s always been said sex and sexual insecurities are damn near at the heart of fascism.
A lot of all this is simply about controlling women
Yugopnik had a good video about this " Why We Blame Women for The Masculinity Crisis "
“What does masculine mean without the feminine?”
No offense, but I don’t like this guy’s style. You seem to have to have read a bunch of philosophy to know half of what he’s talking about.
Not my thing personally
Well I’m not him so I can’t really take offense
I think he explains his points well enough, so you don’t necessarily need to read all the stuff, but to each their own.
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
Also anyone who’s been around a group of guys at least in the Midwest were I’m from, can vouch that a lot of dudes just think of women as a pussy, some boobs and ass and a pleasure object.
I’ve gotten pretty pissed before listening to shitheads talking about my friends like sex objects and not humans
In a few sentences you’ve summed up a few articles/videos/books on feminism, which is impressive. Language used for sex is steeped in misogyny
I’m convinced the reason a lot of men can’t have a healthy relationship, especially but not exclusively chud men, is that they see sex as a transactional exchange and not something that people do together for mutual fun. It seems like a lot of scenes really push this as a kink, like findom and femdom.
Careful with ascribing societies ills to kink. Kink is mostly people recognizing how sex is used violently in the culture then seizing that and transforming it in to something that gives them agency, power, and control. Kink reflects cultural violence, but the mirror is upside down and backwards. Aabusive people in kink spaces are doing the same things abusive people outside kink spaces do, but with leather pants.
The rest of the people in kink spaces are not doing sex the way the rest of the culture does and are often using consent practices and attitudes towards sex as a place of power and joy thatjust aren’t present in polite society.
Kink is totally fine. As you said, it’s just a reflection of the violence of the culture, but not necessarily an expression of that violence.
I thought of adding a “to do a kink is totally fine” message to my comment, but I was a bit lazy. Sorry.
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they see sex as a transactional
The “I did everything I was supposed to” dudes telling on themselves that it’s just some formula to get “access”.
Is there any good books you guys know of about misogyny and men who hate women?
I want to say The Will to Change by bell hooks. It’s also a very readable book.
Among young single guys, there’s this idea that sex is the most pleasurable, meaningful experience you could have. But even they don’t really believe it.
If they look deep down, actual sex doesn’t really matter. Not the pleasure, not the mutual engagement in an activity with someone who wants to do it with you, no. What really matters is that your (masculine) friends believe you’re the sort of person that could get laid. And not just laid, but laid by people they think of as hot. Valuable. That someone would give it up to say they had been with you, someone that acts as a gatekeeper to how seriously your friends will take you.
And what else could sex be used for? Mass producing the next generation of your nation’s soldiers and workers, something that floats around in the back of a dude’s mind.
Pleasure is a distant third for motivating the sorts of weirdness and violence that cishet men have around sex.
