This might be a hot take, but people don’t seem to realise that like… how do I explain this…
well let me put it this way;
In modern society, think about how sex is described for women. Women don’t fuck, they get fucked. Think about how porn describes women being fucked. They get dominated, they get destroyed.
Think about how much porn is about rape, choking and other violence against women.
this type of talk dominates how cis dudes talk about sex with women, don’t pretend it doesn’t.
There is a reason that our language considers shit like “Get fucked” “Fuck you” and “I’m going to fuck you up” as insults. To fuck someone is to be the victor, to be fucked is to be humiliated, to be destroyed and dehumanised.
I mean, thankfully women are slowly taking back sex as something good and fun and empowering. But that history of sex as violent still lingers.
Among young single guys, there’s this idea that sex is the most pleasurable, meaningful experience you could have. But even they don’t really believe it.
If they look deep down, actual sex doesn’t really matter. Not the pleasure, not the mutual engagement in an activity with someone who wants to do it with you, no. What really matters is that your (masculine) friends believe you’re the sort of person that could get laid. And not just laid, but laid by people they think of as hot. Valuable. That someone would give it up to say they had been with you, someone that acts as a gatekeeper to how seriously your friends will take you.
And what else could sex be used for? Mass producing the next generation of your nation’s soldiers and workers, something that floats around in the back of a dude’s mind.
Pleasure is a distant third for motivating the sorts of weirdness and violence that cishet men have around sex.