This, legitimately, is what would happen to me. This kind of shit comprises the vast majority of my life story.
Fuck
Don’t cook homemade caramel.
AKA confectioners napalm
Larry David is that you?
If my hairline keeps migrating, i may look like him soon
You know what got me to stop wearing contacts for good? Bacon grease popped directly into my eye.
Could be worse, could be burn from hot candied nuts. Try explaining that one
I’ve got a scar on my foot from a splash of caramel fresh from the pan
If the sausage grease is boiling hot, someone might need to see a doctor…
Don’t demonic possession shame people. They are vessels and can’t choose the nature of the spirit that has taken their mortal form.
It’s not the herp, it’s the derp.
Por que no los dos? Even Wizards get it from their parents.
Don’t use your teeth!
I always poke them with a fork first to relieve pressure
Forking does relieve pressure.
“Is that a blister or a coldsore?”
> I got it by getting squirt by a hot sausage.
“Do you have any idea how little that narrows it down?”
You people bake your sausages?
So “hot food”. Problem solved.
Amateur move! Gotta be careful around hot sausage splooge.
