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For anyone who doesn’t know what that drink is, it is a relic of the times where alcohol was considered medicine and it expresses that with flavor. It tastes like antiseptic and Band-Aids. It is universally considered a terrible alcohol with no redeeming qualities except the joy of sadomasochistic introductions to the unfamiliar.
Malört, for when you want to unfriend someone in-person.
I will admit I love introducing people to it, but I always preface it as the worst tasting liqueur for most people. I have a wonky palate, and I love bitter and herbal flavors. I have introduced it to some people who enjoy strong herbal flavors that hadn’t heard of it and were pleasantly surprised.
I usually have a bottle of Malort at home, and I especially love it when my stomach is unsettled. I sip it neat or on the rocks.
Fun aside, it’s also a great way to add some complexity and balance to an overly sweet sparkling wine. It has its place in making cocktails, but I get why most people don’t like it.
Consider therapy, I am passively worried about you.
So… Along the lines of Jager Meister, but worse?
Jäger does not have anywhere near the notoriety of bad flavor. People describe Jäger as tasting like licorice, Malört is described as tasting like if your shame and regret were fermented and filtered through a burning Chicago dumpster.
Malört, because you won’t be getting your security deposit back.
Malört, tonight is the day you fight your dad.
Malört, the official drink of poor decisions.
Malört, the strongly-worded last call.
Malört, because “fuck you” is polite.
You order Jäger and everybody is like ok, do you. You order Malört and the staff ask if you are sure and follow that up with asking if you are ok.
There is a bar that has $5 shots, Malört is $2.
At the local Binny’s(alcohol retailer), the manager initiates new hires with a shot of Malört.
Malört is something you need to experience, because I hate you.
This description makes me want to walk the half a mile to the nearest bar, order a shot, knock it back, pay in cash, and immediately walk home.
Not just out of curiosity but because now that sounds like the most “I really wish I knew more about what that person has going on” thing I’ll be able to do today.
Malört is the drink of doesn’t elaborate and leaves.
If you are outside of Chicago, I would be surprised if they had it.
People describe Jäger as tasting like licorice
As someone who dislikes licorice, it tastes like a very strong herbal drink to me
No. Malort is it’s own experience. That you can still taste three days l later.
It’s primary use is for Chicago locals to weed or the tourists
I remember malort tasting like what I imagine grapefruit flavored floor cleaner would taste like. So yeah its much much much worse than jager
It’s got a worse reputation but i’d drink malort over jaeger all fay
There are some who do actually enjoy it. I don’t know why. Personally I think it tastes like dirty sidewalk and cigarette ashes mixed together.
Personally, I think it tastes like dumpster juice. I’ve never tasted dumpster juice, but I’m convinced.
I think it tastes like chewing on aspirin. So, yeah super bitter with no redeeming qualities.
I love people’s attempts to describe it in the comments section
That was hilarious lol
TIL
Malört: Tonight’s the night you fight your dad.
Malort: Those pants aren’t gonna shit themselves.
Nobody drinks the first part of that and thinks it’s “pretty good.”
Ochem makes so much sense when I’m drunk. I just wish I could remember how because sober me doesn’t understand shit, I just know electrons will work themselves out or whatever.
Drunk you is probably overconfident in your own understanding. Personal anecdote though, in reagrd to me solving math problems. I loved being able to finally solve the problem, and it seemed “so simple” after so much time had been spent, mulling it over. And then sober me would realize how wrong I was because of a ‘simple’ mistake that drunk me made. I loved the “Ureka!” moments, but sober me would usually wreck it the next day
But again, that’s my personal experience. Would love to know that’s not your own experience. But just a friendly forewarning of “check your work more than twice”
Well, science does tell us that alcohol is a solution.
Chicagoan spotted
I’ve never heard any Chicagoan utter the words “this tastes pretty good” when addressing Malört. Malört is bottled at Satan’s urinal.
Served best with Old Style.
Takes out lightsaber from sleave it’s actually a refreshing beverage CERVEZA CRIIISTAL
“What’s your opinion on this iceless glass of liquor?”
“I think it’s neat.”Drunk me writes self modifying code that became critical to logging functionalities. Still works, but I won’t touch it with a 10 foot pole.
I don’t know how it works, but I know it does, and I know its macros all the way down.
Normally I need to toss out 1/2 of my code that was written while drinking even a single beer, but that night I somehow had good code after drinking half a bottle of pure rye whiskey. Guess my Ballmer peak is somewhere between “bro i miss them so much” and blackout.
Isn’t Malört a bitters, and meant to be drunk as part of a cocktail?
Yes but also no.
It is an extremely bitter liqueur.
It is not intended for cocktails. It is traditionally consumed in shots, like the beverage it is based on (Swedish wormwood schnapps).
There are some cocktails that use malort as an ingredient, but not many. You’re probably thinking of cocktail bitters (like Angostura, consumed by dashing into a cocktail), or amaro (a sweet and bitter class of Italian liqueurs, like fernet, amaro Montenegro, or campari).
Yes, I know the Italians consider red bitter liqueurs to not be amari. No, I don’t care.
No, it’s hate in a bottle
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