I kinda understand where you’re come from here. It’s not bad to buy things, otherwise us communists wouldn’t be arguing for better pay. It may be disappointing knowing where the money goes to, but honestly as long as you live in a capitalist state that’s what will happen. So don’t feel bad about Bourgeois decadence, chances are that you don’t have the capital to be bourgeois yourself, so end of the day you’re proletarian and treating yourself by buying Epsom Salts or nice soaps isn’t bad because you earned it, you work your ass off day in day out, nothing wrong with feeling nice afterwards. If you like wearing Jordans, do it because you like them and not because of advertising or commodity fetishization. If you simply enjoy the colors and the way they fit, who cares what someone else thinks at that point

It seems to me that your way of thinking about this is rather unhealthy. We live in a captalist system in which you will have to buy something food, transportation, clothes, and so on. This is not a betrayal to the soviet soldiers that lost their lives fighting the facist dogs. We must do what we can to survive because a dead revolutionary is a non-factor in this struggle. You are merely another worker act like one instead of trying to separate yourself from them. Because right now what I am seeing is a flacid revolutionary sitting on high while the workers struggle on. Theory is useless without putting it into practice and as such you must join a vanguard party. This is going to be your school in which victory and defeat will come to teach you a million lessons. Remember comrade we are racing aganist the clock now as ecological collapse looms over us. We are running out of time comrade and we need as many as people as possible to bring this machine down. Less talk more work comrade day in, day out.

Do whatever is necessary to make you an effective revolutionary. All human beings need to relax. We all have vices, all have pleasures, all have times where we “waste time”…but is it really wasted if it skipping it leaves you a burnt out husk? Husks are no good in wars.

Lose the guilt! You are only a person, everybody has their faults and wanting wanting enjoy life a little is not a “fault.” Lose the sense that you need to be critic proof! If you trying to join an organization ends with you being ruthlessly criticized, the bad guys are the dingbats who wasted time scolding you, not you for not reading hundreds of tomes to feel worthy of being a communist; if you have a decent grasp on the fundamentals, this should be more than enough. I know damn well that even if a completely uneducated person tried to join an org that I ran, I would be delighted at the opportunity to educate, not pissed that someone isn’t up to my standard of ideological purity.