I’m a twenty‐eight‐year‐old with antidepressants, so I’ll probably get over this before (or at least shortly after) the year ends, but lately I’ve been acting angsty and much more introverted than usual.
One of my goals was to post something to capitalismindecay daily, but I’ve been pretty lazy with that and my excuse is that what I’d like to share is likely going to receive fewer than five upvotes (i.e. only a few—if any—people will care), so what’s the point. I may was well keep the knowledge to myself since that way I won’t waste my own time.
I haven’t been sharing as much news lately either.
That’s just how it’s most obvious, though. In other media I’ve been even less active. I don’t see the point in using Discord, Instagram, Steam, Tumblr, or even emailing people since the response rate has to be lower than 10%, and when they do reply, it’s often along the lines of ‘I’m busy right now’ or ‘nah’. (This is more‐or‐less why I deleted my Twitter account yesteryear, and why I’ve quit so many Discord servers over the years that now I’m down to only two. In fact, I haven’t logged into Discord for about three weeks. I’ll likely log back in, but I don’t know when that’s going to happen.)
If I could somehow address every single ‘content creator’ who ever said something like ‘please leave us a comment, we’d love to read it’: fuck you for lying to innocent people, and fuck you for wasting their time.
I’ll probably get over this phase once I’m taking my antidepressants more consistently. For now I’m just keeping to myself, mostly. Worst case scenario is that I’ll deliberately misbehave since so few people notice me anyway. It’s usually a nice, consequence‐free way to have a little fun…usually.
You should take some time to decompress and re-evaluate how you feel.
Relationships can be mended, don’t catastrophise okies? 🫂
That delirious episode that I had this morning was likely due to the hydroxyzine on which I overdosed. Since my depression tends to be modest, I rarely take them. The other night my mental anguish was so awful that I could actually feel my head ache.
Anyway, I talked with a friend and I realize that my previous interactions with this employée were likewise questionable. I once admitted to this employée that I like visiting because I enjoyed ‘her presence’, I gently asked if she was interested in maybe meeting me after work, and I even offered to do household chores for her, to which she politely declined.
I know that other guys have done so much worse and more extreme than this, but I was still overstepping my boundaries, and it’s plausible that my weird joke (“Make sure nobody is watching when you spit in my food.”) was simply the straw that broke the camel’s back. No more, no less.
I’m done with trying to win over service workers. It’s too risky, and I fucked up. Big time.
Yeah like I’m not hear to lecture but that would have been creepy to hear from her perspective.
We live and learn comrade, you know better now.
I hope you are okay 🫂
I apologized directly to her earlier for my inappropriate comments. She said that the thing that upset her the most was the joke, because she could have unfairly lost her job and her livelihood due to a false accusation that she was deliberately contaminating food. That would have been good to know earlier; (nearly) getting her fired was one of the last things that I wanted to do.
I told her that I didn’t care about being unbanned and that I was going to stop calling her, but she said that since I apologized she could appeal to the administrators and I could call next week for an update. I weakly said, ‘Uh, sure’, told her to have a nice week, she told me the same, then I hung up.
I’m still not going to call again, though; I don’t care about getting unbanned, mostly because Subway is a garbage franchise.
Anyway, I need to stop obsessing over this matter. I mean, what else can I do? I’ve apologized directly to her, she seemed to accept it, I learned my lesson, and I’ve decided that I hate Subway so I am not going back anymore whether I’m unbanned or not. Aside from maybe my own OCD and depression causing me to obsess over this matter, I’ve pretty much put the nail in the coffin.
You seem to have identified the right move forward.
You fucked up and creeped, you got called out and put in your place for it, you’ve learnt and grown from it. There’s nothing left here.
Now it’s time to move on.
I think it’s best to make a (eat) fresh start somewhere new because you still seem a little torn up over this and going back into that environment will not be healthy especially if your anxiety/depression/ocd is going to make you obsess and over analyse every interaction.
Maybe send a text saying “hey I’ve thought about it and honestly I think it’s for the best I make a fresh start away from this place but thank you for listening to me and sorry for what I did” and that way you’ve actually made a consumate effort to move on in reality vs just in your head.
I hope you are okay dude 🫂