Are gifted children taking anything from you? Have they wronged you in any way?
Why can’t you just be happy for other people’s good fortune instead of whining?

I have a disability and I’m not jealous of people who can walk straight.

I was the “gifted” kid. Constantly told I was so smart for my age, or how quickly I’d pick up what I’m being shown. Always showered with a praise I didn’t feel like I earned, and never feeling a need to improve or a want to learn better. Cause I was constantly told how I was “so smart”.

Then grade 10 came up, and I failed two classes. One of them was math, a course I previously excelled in. The other was history, something I knew I was awful at. Those praises turned into questions of “you’re able to do this, why didn’t you?” And “You’re smarter than this, aren’t you?” I missed out on an intro to engineering cause I had to take 1 on 1 catch up classes the following semester to make up for it.

I eventually did pass my math course, and never did do much better than a grade 10 level. History, I passed by 2%. You need 30 out of 36 possible credits to graduate, I made it with 30 and a half credits. My last class was an intro to anthropology, and I only passed with a 56%.

“Gifted kid” is a bullshit title given to you by people who don’t understand that just because you can learn something at a young age, doesn’t mean you are gifted in the art of learning.

you you were praised growing up and did well academically

You should educate yourself about that because it’s false and that’s the main issue.

You seem to have a misunderstanding of what it means to have a gifted brain. And it’s this kind of misunderstanding that is at the heart of the the complaints you will see from those told they were gifted.

Your money analogy is flawed. It’s more like you are a kid and take a test and are told you fully understand and can predict economics. But this is only helpful for those born with money or have the social connections to make use of the knowledge. That’s only a potential gift, and at least half of those kids will never get to use it.

It was not a kind thing for parents, teachers, and society to expect people with gifted brains to automatically do well in the world. Charisma and social skills are often better indicators of success, but these skills aren’t guaranteed in people with gifted brains. If you’re told you’ll be very successful, but that’s not actually how the world works, then at some point you will feel lied to or it’s your fault you’re a failure.

The term “gifted” is a terrible name for this form of neurodivergence. I like to call it “cousin of autism” but it really is overdue for a new name. Having a gifted brain means you have stronger emotional responses that are often misunderstood by neurotypical brains. And those responses can take much longer to process than typical emotional responses. Gifted brains can often show traits similar to autistic and/or OCD brains, and often have ADHD and/or dyslexia. These traits require coping strategies that neurotypical brains don’t have to do.

Coming back to praise: Praising any kid for being smart has very negative side effects that teachers and the science of pedagogy figured out too late for many, and it is still not known by too many parents. The wrong kind of praise harms self-esteem and affects whether you’re intrinsically motivated or extrinsically motivated (which affects future success and happiness).

Read on if you want to understand the problem with praising intelligence.

from: https://bingschool.stanford.edu/news/carol-dweck-praising-intelligence-costs-childrens-self-esteem-and-motivation

In a series of studies of both kindergarten-age students and 5th graders, children were given a non-verbal IQ test that consisted of ten moderately challenging but doable problems.

Most of the children performed well on the first ten problems. One third were given intelligence praise. They were told, “Wow, you got eight right; that’s a really good score. You must be smart at this!” Another third were given effort praise: “Wow, you got eight right; that’s a really good score. You must have tried really hard!” The control group was given results praise and told, “Wow, that’s a really good score.” And sure enough, when intelligence alone was praised, it put students in a fixed mindset.

The students were then asked, “What do you want to work on now? I have some easier things here that you could work on, or I have some challenging problems. They’re hard, and you’ll make mistakes, but you’ll learn some important things.” Most of the students who were praised for intelligence chose the easy task. “They’re not fools!” says Dweck. “They wanted to keep on looking smart. They wanted to keep that label.”

But the vast majority of the students praised for their effort wanted the challenging task. They wanted something they could learn from, and they weren’t worried about making mistakes. So right away the study had created one of the hallmarks of a fixed mindset by praising intelligence. “They said, ‘Don’t give me a challenge; give me something I can look smart on,’” says Dweck.

When the students were then given a series of more difficult problems, these results were magnified. Students who had been told they were smart now thought that having to struggle meant they weren’t smart at all. They thought they had low ability at the task. So their confidence in their ability, which is like self-esteem, plummeted. Because again, if success meant they were smart, failure or difficulty meant they were not. “They were being taught to measure themselves by the outcome,” says Dweck. “We’d say, ‘Hey, you did it; you must be smart.’ They said, ‘Hey, I didn’t do it; I must not be smart.’”

While our culture often attributes achievement to “good genes” - praising attractive looks, natural intelligence, or innate resilience - the reality is more complex than simple genetic determinism. There’s evidence suggesting genetic factors influence not just our baseline capabilities, but also our capacity to develop and maintain the beneficial behaviors needed for success. This includes predispositions affecting executive function, stress response, emotional regulation, and basic temperament traits that can make sustained effort and resilience more achievable for some individuals. However, these genetic advantages only represent potential - they must interact with environmental factors like access to education, supportive relationships, proper nutrition, and opportunities to be fully realized. Understanding this interplay helps us move beyond oversimplified praise of “natural talent” while still acknowledging that genetic factors create different starting points for developing crucial traits. This doesn’t mean those with less favorable genetic predispositions cannot achieve success - rather, it suggests they may need different strategies and more conscious effort to develop similar capabilities.

In what situation are you putting yourself where you have gifted children complaining in your presence? And what do they complain about?