Oh, man. I hope this happens at a press conference…
“…And so we know his name. I will share it with you. His name is John Doe.”
There’s a pregnant pause the reporters look perplexed. An enterprising reporter way in the back yells “HIS NAME IS LITERALLY JOHN DOE?!”
The mayor gets mad at being yelled at. "What did I just say? You heard me. His name is John Doe…" The mayor continues to berate the “fifth-rate alt media hack in the back”.
Another clever reporter furiously checked Wikipedia for an easy way to reach the mayor’s muddled mind. Before he starts his next sentence - she sort of yells at him: “Wikipedia says that ‘John Doe is a placeholder names when the true name of a person is unknown or is being intentionally concealed.’ Is this John Doe actually named John Doe? For real?”
The mayor is about to lecture her too but stops himself and is clearly befuddled. “John Doe is… It’s… His name… John Doe is…” Clears throat. “John Doe is his code name that we in law enforcement are using…”
“…And so we know his name. I will share it with you. His name is John Doe.”
A better version:
“…And so we know his name. We worked tirelessly to identify him, yeah, we did, believe me, as I will share his name with you. His name is… uh… [check notes]… John… John Doe.”
Did he hear him described as a “John Doe” without having that term explained to him?
Oh, man. I hope this happens at a press conference…
“…And so we know his name. I will share it with you. His name is John Doe.”
There’s a pregnant pause the reporters look perplexed. An enterprising reporter way in the back yells “HIS NAME IS LITERALLY JOHN DOE?!”
The mayor gets mad at being yelled at. "What did I just say? You heard me. His name is John Doe…" The mayor continues to berate the “fifth-rate alt media hack in the back”.
Another clever reporter furiously checked Wikipedia for an easy way to reach the mayor’s muddled mind. Before he starts his next sentence - she sort of yells at him: “Wikipedia says that ‘John Doe is a placeholder names when the true name of a person is unknown or is being intentionally concealed.’ Is this John Doe actually named John Doe? For real?”
The mayor is about to lecture her too but stops himself and is clearly befuddled. “John Doe is… It’s… His name… John Doe is…” Clears throat. “John Doe is his code name that we in law enforcement are using…”
A better version:
“…And so we know his name. We worked tirelessly to identify him, yeah, we did, believe me, as I will share his name with you. His name is… uh… [check notes]… John… John Doe.”
I liked the other more, making this a worse version
is there a version of you with a different opinion?
Without a doubt, but they’re not online right now. I’ll leacve you unread so they can see you
thank you, oh oracle
that’s what your mom said last night
She should really switch to PostgreSQL
I like them both.
The last sentence ends this beautiful flash fiction with such a good punchline.