You forgot about the Illinois Nazis.
Texas should just say “Guns”.
North Dakota should probably be “no civilization, no resources, and no warmth.”
I want to see what exactly what our Long Range Mormons (LRMs) are capable of
Yee fuckin’ haw.
Bueno chicos, nos quedamos con Oregon. Ya escucharon!
The main reason you shouldn’t invade is that almost all of these people own guns.
What’s the context for the Nazis in the northwest?
There are a lot of right-wing militias there. Oregon was basically settled for racist white people. Outside the major cities, the Pacific NW has a lot of fascists.
Oregon is unique in that early on they were anti-slavery because they were so racist that they didn’t want black people in the state even as slaves.
Ah, so theres some real-world reason the movie Green Room is set in Oregon? Interesting!
“That still know the old ways”
A friend and I took an out-of-state friend to a bar and we ordered moonshine. My friend and I could not get over how wrong it felt to buy moonshine in a public place. With a permit.
I’m still surprised you can buy it legally.
That ain’t moonshine.
Moonshine is what you get from a shady hillbilly type off the side of a dirt road sitting in a shack with two shotguns on a wall. You ask him if he got any and he says something like “not fur free” with an almost toothless smile. He’s got horrible hair a stringy beard, and you get the sense he’s the kind of guy who don’t wash his hands a lot.
You give him the money first, then he takes a shotgun and walks behind the shack. He hands you the two gallons you bought, one in one of those plastic gallon jugs you get milk in and the other a weird looking metal pot that doesn’t look close to a gallon but you realize it’s probably best not to argue with this guy.
He pulls out a metal cup and another jug (that he left behind under the table he was at to get your stuff) and says “firs ones on me” pours you some, and you better fucking take it.
Yeah, there’s a real risk that this stuff might have less safe alcohols in it, but these guys don’t wanna die so it’s usually safe so you take the swig and regret everything that lead you up to this point as you cough down the highest proof corn and something else liquor you’ve ever had.
You politely tell him thank you and he gives you that grotesque smile as you drive away.
Ha which this reminds me of a story my dad told us when we asked if there was a shortcut through where we were going in the Ozarks. It was a time before phones.
“Peopleproblems, you don’t take shortcuts around here. You stick to the main roads, follow the signs, and make darn sure you have a map. When I was in college, engaged to your mom, we were on our way back from doxable university and we decided to do that, cause my friend (has a name), said he knew of one. We went with it - we came up to a stop sign, and this old beat up truck pulled up next to us. A short ugly looking thin as bones guy with a beard and no hair, with his unfortunately worse looking daughter. He gets out of the truck after he places his shot gun on the dashboard drunkenly steps on over to us and says ‘One o’ yee need to murry my daughter. She ain’t purty but she cook and clean real good. I don care wheech one o’ y’all does, but we got e’rything ready. Jus follow us on down ‘ere.’ My friend says something stupid, I can’t remember what, but his response was what I won’t forget: ‘I ain’t given yee a choice.’ As he heads back to the truck my friend just says ‘Gun it!’ and the little Gremlin I was in worked the hardest it ever had. Once we got back on the highway there was a mix of laughing and crying as we were facing a real shotgun wedding.”
We were young at the time, so he left the sad part out. Around there incest/rape was a known thing, and she had probably gotten pregnant. He was likely trying to find someone to marry her so he didn’t get the blame, she didn’t get the problems associated with being a single pregnant mother in hillbilly land, and the whole problem is solved. And he’d do it at gun point if he had to.
That stuff’s for tourists. I haven’t drank a drop in 7 years and I can still get you a jar of real shine if you want.
To be fair, the term “moonshine” nowadays doesn’t exclusively refer to illegally produced liquor and is often used to describe non-barrel-aged whiskey made from corn.
As a resident of “this part wouldn’t be that tough”, i disagree. The entire Cascade range extending from the top of the central valley to the top of Washington, extending out to the ocean, is very very rough, steep, heavily forested terrain that would be absolute hell to get any kind of equipment through if the locals were to blow up a grand total of three bridges on three separate highways.
Also: the emerald triangle and that whole area of NorCal are the far-right wackos who regularly fly the state of Jackson flags, they’re heavily armed and waiting to shoot people up there
you do conquer it but the locals keep trying to feed you organic, wild harvested, artisanal Amanita soup
“Terrain is the first enemy your army will encounter” - Sun Tzu (not really, I just made that up)
Terrain is definitely an enemy you will encounter.
The first enemy your army will encounter is usually logistics.
Nah man, it’s the yo mama jokes you’re sending via Morse code nonstop
Depending on how far back you want to go, you could make the argument for your army’s first enemy being…
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Basic training
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Recruitment
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Their mothers’ birth canals
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The dating scene in their home villages
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There is a second contingent of people who wear shorts in the winter in between the corn maze and the Mormons. The ones that who don’t own guns still know how to swing a bike lock.
CMP people? What’s that
The CPU instruction to compare, I think. (I lived around there for a number of years and have no idea)
Civilian Marksmanship Program.
Garands, Garands everywhere.
Corps of military police? No idea either
Florida man would be the ultimate defender of an invasion, cause he’s too stupid to know when to die
To crazy to stop, to stupid to die.
Feels like a b movie tag line
There he goes. One of God’s own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
It’s just the meth and bath salts giving him superpowers. Gotta weaponize the DEA if you wanna take him down
Man, I hate dealing with contractors too
Apparently Hawaii is safe?
