Theres a lot to unpack here, but really OP made a mistake by asking to go hiking. Thats a terrible first date idea and also isnt inherently date-y. Likely he was just missreading her kindness as flirting, but if he had asked her to dinner or coffee brunch it would’ve made his intentions more clear to her.
Not that it really matters because its fake and gay anyways.
since we have only one part of this supposedly real situation:
4channers always loose and this one did as well, how dare this woman wanting an actual friend
and of course this weirdo assumes it was totally flirtingMaybe she quit because his reaction to her having a boyfriend creeped her out. She didn’t want to be around someone who misinterpreted what were merely friendly gestures.
Comments here are ignoring we only have this guys extremely biased view of this situation and are saying “leading him on” was cruel again big assumption.
You mean we have this guy’s extremely biased view on this completely made up situation?
I don’t get why anon believes he is being used. It was a miscommunication, sure. Did he spend money on her before this? Using him as a ride to go on a hike? Hikes being extremely cheap and only needing to pay parking, usually.
Hikes being extremely cheap and only needing to pay parking, usually.
Laughs in Finnish everymans rights.
You have to pay for hiking? Or you hike on trails where the only access is from a parking area that you have to pay for?
Seems ridiculous to me.
It depends. Generally speaking they’re free. I was told by a ranger at the Great Smokey Mountains National Park that they don’t enforce (or at least specifically weren’t that day) parking passes and only give people courtesy notices to pay for parking. They were only ticketing people parking in places that weren’t actual parking spots or blocking areas.
Generally speaking I think you can expect to pay about $5 on average, some places maybe more (like if it’s a trail in a city, then parking is usually more costly). But in tons of places it’s just totally free.
My point is that anon thinking he was being used was hilarious because it’s extraordinarily cheap.
I get the point about it being a cheap activity in general, but aside from parking, who do pay the money to? Is there like a ticket-booth at the start of some trail which you couldn’t reasonably get to walking from other places?
Some places use an honesty system where you drop money into a box and get a thing to put on your dash. Other places have a gate house or booth where you can pay.
You aren’t forbidden from walking in. It’s usually just not a practical choice. Usually trails are in very remote places so you’d probably walk further than the length of the trail to get to it lol. Other places which are in more urban environments (like a trail through a city or places like Stone Mountain Georgia) might have easy places to park and walk in but it’s technically private property. And again, still usually just extra walking. For things like bike trails this is more viable probably.
In Finland there is no trespassing on private property. Well, not if it’s not gated or your yard or something. And you can’t gate large pieces of land like that, so…
I understand that the nature is very different, for instance we have no mountains. So for me, I’m just thinking “just use another road”, but some places just have one road going there, I guess. Here, I’ll show my point:
I’ve highlighted the parks in yellow. Kansallispuisto = national park, luonnonpuisto = “nature park” (which sounds silly, I hear it). My point is that the trails in those areas start from a few places, and going to the national park, there’s several parkin places you can go to, and you can get to the areas from so many different places. And this isn’t a national park that requires any park rangers. I don’t even know if we have any, but if we do, they’re in the national parks which are up North in Lapland. This is a very small one. Just a big marsh with a lake in the center, essentially.
So you couldn’t really set up a gatehouse or a booth anywhere there.
Yeah, no harm done, but she’d been leading him on for weeks. That’d make me pissed too.
I don’t necessarily agree she was leading him on. It was a miscommunication. It’s an extremely common story if men misinterpreting women’s behavior as pursuit when it is often just friendly. Even then, platonic flirting is a thing. If anon really intended for this to be a date, why did he at no point ask if she was single? We can sit here all day and debate whether the girl’s “flirting” was appropriate or not and whether she should’ve said she had a boyfriend, but it goes both ways. What we do know is that, to anon, this was a date and that anon never asked if she was single at any point in the two weeks.
I don’t disagree with you that anon should’ve asked more questions, but platonic flirting is kinda wacky without a well established rapport beforehand. Otherwise it’s just flirting, and can be confusing.
It’s also confusing being asked somewhere and never being told it’s being treated as a date.
Or she genuinely wanted a friend and anon is so attention starved he can’t see the difference.
I wouldn’t want to go back to that awkward situation either.
Oh, come on. Weeks of talking and flirting (coworkers agreed) and she never mentioned a boyfriend. To be painfully clear, this isn’t a gender thing and anyone can lead someone else on to stroke their own ego. And that’s what this is (if it happened).
You know you only have his side of this story right?
Speak for yourself
I’ll never understand how difficult people make things by not being forthright and making things awkward:
“Is it okay if I bring my boyfriend?”
“…I think there’s been a misunderstanding. I had asked you on a hike as a fun first date, I didn’t realize you had a boyfriend. I’m going to bow out of this, but I can give you the hike info if you want to take him.” And then you laugh about the misunderstanding the next work day, and keep things at work from then on. No reason for it to get bad. Flirting is still fun! Just leave it at that without expecting anything more.
Don’t flirt with someone single if you’re not interested, don’t flirt with someone in a relationship if you’re not interesting in breaking it.
It’s just that simple.
I wonder if you have a different definition of flirting, because the end goal of flirting is not necessarily to gain a relationship.
Unless you make it extremely clear from the get go that it’s just for fun then flirting with someone you’re not interested in is risky and even if it was made clear, there’s always a risk something will develop on one side.
It’s never this cut and dry in real life though. People often misinterpret others’ actions as flirting when they’re just being friendly. For some people, a woman smiling and making eye contact is flirting. It’s not on the person who’s being friendly “to make it extremely clear from the get go” that they aren’t interested in going out with you. It was on anon to ask this woman if she was single if he wanted to ask her out
Idk, unless you make it extremely clear from the get go that you’re treating an event as a date you shouldn’t be mad if the other person has a partner especially if you never asked if they were single.
Life is risky.
yeah, flirting for fun can be … fun, but obviously OOP wasn’t te only one to read more into that. There’s a line between “platonic” flirting and getting someone’s hopes up.
Miscomunications can happen. She probably wasn’t aware that what she meant as friendly behviour was comming across as serious flirting to other people. No need to instantly suspect malice, she was obviously shocked and shamed by the result, so much so that she quit her job, which seems rather extreme to me.
I just find it hard to agree with because at no point did anon ask if she was single. He assumed it because he thought she was flirting. He even went so far to ask her on a date.
Ah, sorry, I thought you were single and that this would be a fun first date. My mistake, and enjoy the hike w/your boyfriend.
Nothing wrong with that. Mistakes happen, and the ability to clarify them and work well together afterwards is more important than not making mistakes.
Apparently anon is incapable of this though lol.
Some people think flirting means they want more.
“Why can’t men understand hints?”
I’m reading a green text post here, and then the comments are analysing the situation as if this is r/amitheasshole. What’s going on Lemmy?
The post ends with “so did I win?” Which is EXTREMELY similar to asking people if you’re the asshole. Why do you find it surprising people are treating this like an r/aita post?
Lemmy has a unique community. Lots of thinkers. Personally, I love reading when people start seriously interpreting greentexts.
It’s like this on every greentext post. Everyone immediately assumes the OP is a creepy loser and drags them through the mud.
To be fair, that’s likely the case.
Lemmy is filled with middle aged tech obsessed weirdos. Of course they’ll take something like this literally and take the side of the man.
Welcome Anon to the confusing gameshow of “Is she flirting or is that just how she is with friends!” /s
I kinda want to know what Anon and his “female coworkers” thinks counts as flirting. Simply being nice to someone and having fun talking to them isn’t flirting, as much as some guys might like to think it is. Now if she was a more touchy person, I can see how that’d be mistaken, as being touchy is also a common way of flirting.
Though find it odd that she waited until the very last minute to ask if her boyfriend could come. And also, guessing “I’m no longer interested” is paraphrased, cause nobody on 4Chan is mature enough to not make things incredibly uncomfortable at work after this.
fake, anon had a girl interested in him
gay, he almost had a three way
Came here to say, it sounds like they wanted a third, and failing to note the possibility is one of the more immature features of the greentext.
Most people just aren’t into that
I’m sorry for most people, but at the same time, most are more aware its a thing than anon has demonstrated.
Completely possible anon was a creep and she felt uncomfortable saying no.
In what world do you think someone is a creep and then you agree on going on a hike of all things with them, an activity that is basically guaranteed to have you alone with them at some point?
She didn’t go that’s the point. He could have had her backed into a cupboard when he asked for all we know.
For all we know she might’ve been stringing him along. Story doesn’t say either way.
If everyone else thought she was flirting then I think it makes the situation a bit more complicated
Indeed. But some people come across like that. I had a friend who never realised they were seeming super flirty all the time when really they were just being nice to people.
Also 4chan so easily a lie.
If it was accidentally (she didn’t realize) then could be just an unfortunate misunderstanding.
It’s kinda weird to wait until the last minute to ask if someone else can come along on a planned outing.
But the rest? I dunno. Looks like a pretty standard mixup.
Yeah, it could upset plans such as tickets, amounts of food brought along, seat reservations at restaurants,… so it is a bit rude to keep that to the last minute.
Handling a basic mixup gracefully is the winning.
OP had a chance at a three way and dropped the ball…
Definitely sending mixed signals not mentioning her boyfriend and saying she has to do things alone, but not sure how that qualifies as “using”. Hiking isn’t really something people “use” others for, it’s not like he would have been carring her the whole time. If she was getting him to do her job when he was talking to her then yeah, but this doesn’t mention anything like that. She could very well have just wanted a friend to talk to at work and didn’t know how to bring it up after a while…
Maybe I’m overthinking this…
Hike sound like 1st date PC to anyone? I mean, it depends on the definition of hike but someone I barely know dragging me to an isolated place in the woods somewhere sounds like a legit way to end up being drug through the woods with a much higher probability than the typical coffee shop date.
Also, who doesn’t have work-mances without deeper meaning? I always have beer after work bros and lunch/break dates with my coworkers but that has no meaning beyond. In fact, I’ve always had a strict rule of never shit in my own back yard. If I was so inclined as to date someone from work, I would not do so until after finding a new job.
what do you mean by “1st date PC”?
It’s tradition to bring your date a new PC on the occasion of your first date. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but it should at least boot.
Probably “Personal Choice”
politically correct in a more social the kind of thing a person should do context, like cultural norms
oh huh ok that was the only thing that made any sense but it seemed like a weird context for that term.
to answer the question I think it really depends on the person but I wouldn’t wanna go on a hike with anon, that’s for sure.
Arguably, they know each other from work, so it’s not like the guy could just bury her somewhere remote and act like nothing happened. If she tells other people about the date, police will surely come and ask him.
Sounds normal to me, but I think you’re right that it depends on what they mean by “hike.” Around here, a casual trail walk in an area that’s likely to have other people around would not be beyond the pale… But like a back country slog where you park on the shoulder of a secondary highway 45 minutes out of town would.
If I had the time and patience, I’d offer a rebuttal green text as this one skips quite a bit of salient information. Feels over-edited. Wonder what anon did to her to make her instantly run away.
The most generous but still realistic interpretation I can come up with is that the girl is attractive, nice, and a little flirty with people. (I don’t see anything wrong with platonic flirting.) Because of these three things, she has a known history of guys, perhaps in particular more desperate guys, thinking she is interested. Her and her boyfriend talk and the boyfriend points out that this may have happened again. So she tells anon about her boyfriend. Anon gets angry. She gets upset because she feels like she is incapable of making friendships with guys without them falling for her and because it’s a pattern she leaves the job out of embarrassment.
That’s being very generous and not believing anon is stretching the truth at all.
