“AI,” what should I do about being constipated?

Painfully stretch your rectum to gaping in order to accommodate your constipation.

Hey Alexa, please examine my rectum

good, it beats the incompetent assholes that just tell you not to do things when you ask them how to do them just because they are harmful.

Thank god for that.

Imagine if LLM were made in Oxford in the 1950’s.

It be trained on the fucking Iliad and Shakespeare.

I’ll always remember the kid who broke both his arms and his helpful mom.

The Kevin history was wild

yeah I sort of miss that … getting shittymorphed too was always a joy

I ended up occasionally chugging about half a liter of water before going, because this started happening.

That seems to actually do something very useful when I think I’ve not had enough water prior, but I don’t actually know the details of how the body moves and uses that water. It intuitively feels like 2-3 minutes should be too short of a time-span to start doing useful work, but it still seems to work.

In general not using piddly little 0.2l glasses and instead keeping a large glass or bottle with me isn’t just helpful, it’s vitally important. I simply can’t get by occasionally drinking small glasses of water. Other than the first day I’d resolve to start drinking more water again, I never went to fill them up enough times to actually get sufficient hydration for my size.

Additionally, I’ve learnt to feel my hydration on my lips, if they’re dry I need a drink. But I am an unreliable, irrational actor. I don’t always pay enough attention, or stay on top of things even if I notice, so I’m likely to resort to desperately chugging water again.

After holding in a shit for a couple hours yeah. Literally shitting bricks at that point.

It’s like a fuckin’ howitzer when it reaches the release point, for real

A sound like from a gun, followed by the shattering of porcelain.

Me too, once held too long when i was busy and kept hitting the ‘snooze button’ on going all day long, end of the day i dropped something that resembled a hand grenade, with the little square-ish ridges and everything. The pain, the relief, the lasting butthole tenderness afterwards.

The poop knife is irrelevant until and unless one plans to flush, which this question did not ask.

Also, why do you assume the nurse is a lady?

For those of us that pooped before smart phones, there was a book series called Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader. I could totally see them have a section dedicated to this.

“The Art of Defecation - How to turn your anatomy into a brown (f)art factory”

It could have an entire chapter just on fiber maxing:

https://i.imgur.com/zmtuVg1.png

Another could be on shit polishing with the mythbusters method.

My friend poops once a week. He claims he told his doctor and they said it’s “on the edge of normal.” It freaks me out though. I’d feel so bloated all the time.

Maybe that no poop challenge guy has tips for next time.

My mom had to get a colostomy last year after her bowel ruptured, and she spent a month in ICU recovering from sepsis. The nurse there, when she was finally awake, tried explaining everything to her, but she had some pretty severe ICU delirium, and just couldn’t comprehend everything she was saying, especially when she was using medical terms.

Eventually, the nurse said, “girl, basically, you don’t need your bootyhole no more. That’s now just for your husband and lonely weekends”

At which point she fully understood, and I died inside.

That’s because it isn’t. As was just explained, the shape is pretty much set before the “extrusion die” sphincter comes into play.