• Blockocheese [any]@hexbear.netEnglish
      50·
      4 months ago

      Some binary and passing trans people get upset when they’re in queer spaces and asked for their pronouns or referred to as “they/them” before someone knows their pronouns because in non queer spaces, people assume their gender based off appearance and gender them appropriately (because theyre binary and passing). These people think even in queer spaces you should assume peoples gender based off appearance because it makes them personally feel good to be gendered correctly without having to explain themselves

      This doesn’t go over well with non passing or non binary trans people for the obvious reasons

      • ShinkanTrainEnglish
        34·
        4 months ago

        “Some of you might be misgendered, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take”

      • ashinadash [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
        31·
        4 months ago

        pathetic Okay I’m not that offline, I am a non binary and a trans people.

        I think I was happier when I did not understand that this Twitter® Screenshot™ is just binies getting up in arms over jack shit, again. Like hey, didn’t Contrapoints do exactly this bit about feelin sad people use they/them and wanting to get presumptively gendered correctly? Twitter needs new material.

  • Angel [any]@hexbear.netMEnglish
    52·
    4 months ago

    Gotta love how the truscummy “I hate it when people ask for pronouns because people should just base your pronouns on how you look!” take conveniently neglects the existence of androgynous people.

  • iridaniotter [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    49·
    4 months ago

    Ah an unstoppable force (pronoun circles) meets an immovable object (trans women getting clocked and subsequently degendered), producing a new kind of Twitter discourse where everyone is fundamentally incapable of understanding each other.

    • iridaniotter [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      55·
      4 months ago

      Like something that’s not being brought up here is: it’s easier to pass in cisciety than to be stealth in a queer meetup. So are the cis men and women in your LGBT group being they/them’d and asked their pronouns, or is that being subconsciously reserved for the transgender men and women who get clocked? I think both sides of this debate are assuming different fundamentals here.

      • kristina [she/her]@hexbear.netMEnglish
        38·
        4 months ago

        People think I’m a cishet ally too much it drives me nuts. Why are my vibes so fucked kitty-cri-screm

        But I’ve also had the situation where the cissies pronoun circle so the removed (me) would spill the beans

        • milk_thief [it/its]@hexbear.netEnglish
          35·
          4 months ago

          and then they want brownie points for being allies. Either do these intro things consistently or have the courtesy to tremble before a trans person when you ask them

      • milk_thief [it/its]@hexbear.netEnglish
        29·
        4 months ago

        or is that being subconsciously reserved for the transgender men and women who get clocked

        this is my overwhelming experience with any group that doesnt have trans leadership. It reached the point where some cis woman turned to me and my partner, looked at us for half a second and said “we should do introductions, with pronouns”. Mind you, I had shaken hands with everybody about two hours ago.

        The consequence from this obv isnt that passology is good, lol. This whole thing sounds super heated to me and people seem to extrapolate the other side having the worst possible assumptions and beliefs from every statement to score cheap dunks and feel good.

      • Jenniferrr [she/her, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
        27·
        4 months ago

        This is exactly it. Like, I have a good friend who gets gendered correctly pretty regularly in cishet spaces but just gets misgendered/degendered constantly in queer spaces. It’s getting harder for me to get her to hang out with my in queer spaces as a result. Her presentation is not queer

        • PauliExcluded [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
          9·
          4 months ago

          I stopped going to a queer meetup where I used to live because I was constantly they/them’d despite everyone knowing I only used she/her. When I brought this up with the group, a couple of them told me, “nobody can be misgendered by neutral pronouns” dog-screm

  • save_vs_death [they/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    47·
    4 months ago

    some of the replies to that quoted tweet are amazing, “just pass harder, idiot” damn, thank you for the pro-tip ma’am, i haven’t considered that

        • Nakoichi [they/them]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
          9·
          4 months ago

          Honestly I’m drunk as hell right now (on company time)

          me solidarity kristina

          Drinking on the clock

          Got caught twice, once because a manager smelled beer on my breath right after a break, once because an asshole coworker tried to snitch on me. First time I was told I was gonna get fired if it happened again, second time I didn’t get fired because they can’t actually tell I am buzzed and I am too good at my job to actually follow through on the first threat lol.

          Like motherfucker you try working the register 40 hours a week sober.

          • ElChapoDeChapo [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
            6·
            4 months ago

            I used to be allowed to drink on the job as a bartender, one of the better perks of the job

            Can’t do that now as a delivery driver but at least I always get free meals from the place I just delivered to, the beans were better last time but the mac and cheese is fantastic

            • Nakoichi [they/them]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
              4·
              4 months ago

              Well to be fair if your job is driving you definitely should not drink while doing it lol.

              My dream job is bartender. It’s so hard to get into though with zero experience. Like I worked one time as a bus boy 25 years ago and that is as close as I have ever been to breaking into that industry.

              I think maybe when I get back from my Pine Ridge trip I might just try to find an entry point. Where I live you can make a FUCKLOAD of money as a bartender.

              It’s a college/tourist town.

  • Nakoichi [they/them]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
    38·
    4 months ago

    This all started because Catboy removedry said that using “they/them” if you are unsure is perfectly reasonable and not necessarily transphobic.

    We all know some people use it in a cynical way but the thing that kicked off this whole discourse was just about how to address people who you don’t know their preferred pronouns and it might not be safe or acceptable to just outright ask.

    Edit: lol got 1984 by the slur filter oops.

    • SpookyGenderCommunist [they/them, she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      25·
      4 months ago

      Hot take, the slur filter doesn’t understand context, and as a result, clamps down on various kinds of queer slang. And I think that’s cringe.

      Like, look at this section from My Gender Workbook by Kate Bornstien, where trans people are describing their experience of gender:

      These are beautiful, amazing, and I absolutely adore every single one!

      But the Hexbear slur filter would butcher these so bad, they’d read like a Papa Roach radio edit

  • Dessa [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    37·
    4 months ago

    I’d prefer to be “they’d” over being asked, but in queer spaces, I’m okay with it.

    The default “they” is just easiest for everyone involved. Its not reasonable to exchange pronouns in every single minor interaction with everybody.

    • Xx_Aru_xX [she/her, they/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
      30·
      4 months ago

      I think truscum are more anti-nonbinary and don’t recognize you as trans unless you fully transition and do all your power to assimilate into one of the 2 genders, but I haven’t been in truscum spaces for a few years now

      • AcidSmiley [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
        28·
        4 months ago

        Truscum is usually hostile against nonbinary people, usually pathologizes transness (dysphoria as a proof of validity), is usually highly assimilationist and usually favors some form of medical and legal gatekeeping, but some of these may be softened up depending on the truscum in question.

        Requirements to “fully” transition, to be straight or to buy into the claim that you actually are or at least used to be your AGAB are rarer nowadays, but they’re still around.

  • Jenniferrr [she/her, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    27·
    4 months ago

    I don’t think it’s transphobic to they/them everyone until you know what their gender is but I totally get wanting people to assume my gender correctly. I want that pretty bad honestly. But like I don’t pass at all so If everyone did this they would probably misgender me constantly

  • Spongebobsquarejuche [none/use name]@hexbear.netEnglish
    26·
    4 months ago

    Honest question; Is all this concern and ‘worry’ about misgendering kind of the problem? I don’t want to misgender but in a random meeting with some one i just met if I accidentally misgender and am corrected I’ll apologize and not do it again. (Also working on just dropping gendered terms)

    I feel like ppl are trying to make it seem like crazy hard to do.

    I’ve accidently dead named friends that I meet before transitioning. I apologize.

    Am I the asshole?

    • Jenniferrr [she/her, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
      28·
      4 months ago

      I don’t think you’re an asshole or even did anything wrong, but yes it does hurt some people. Really depends on person to person but like, when you get misgendered it means you’re being perceived as the wrong gender. When everyone does this every day it absolutely grinds me down and just saps all hope from me.

      Like, I have to go basically sit in my room and be like, will there ever be a time when I’m not just perceived as some man in a dress or something? It does hurt. And I don’t want people gendering me correctly to be some laborious process for them. I don’t want people to have to try. I know it’s not realistic

      But also I definitely understand that it’s not the fault of the people perceiving me, it’s just reality.

    • Awoo [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      21·
      4 months ago

      I don’t want to misgender but in a random meeting with some one i just met if I accidentally misgender and am corrected I’ll apologize and not do it again. (Also working on just dropping gendered terms)

      Nah you’re good.

      Sentiment matters. It only matters when someone intended it, or when someone is clearly not trying and has made the mistake many times even after being told. The latter gets a bit murky and comes down to effort.

    • tactical_trans_karen [she/her, comrade/them]@hexbear.netMEnglish
      13·
      4 months ago

      It’s so weird how cis people handle their fear of misgendering - I went in to the doc the other day, and the nurse was prefacing asking me about my pronouns with a long drawn out explanation about why they were asking. I told them they really don’t need to preface the question in a professional setting like that, it’s a normal question that you can just ask.

      • Biggay [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
        7·
        4 months ago

        Its very odd to me, but i dont know how that people dont interact with trans people? Like, do they just not talk to people and even just exchange pleasantries? You should know when its safe to assume pronouns and when to ask, and trans people arnt an exclusively weird and defensive type of people that are just going to scream in your face when you ask what their pronouns are or get their pronouns wrong on accident.

        Its fucking ridiculous propaganda that the rightwing has made it apparent that trans people are stereotyped as such and really just shows that people should talk to more people than that.

        People need to chill out.

  • Procapra [comrade/them, she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    25·
    4 months ago

    Im trans. I have habitually called everyone “they” since I was like 5. Most people cis and trans alike, don’t really seem to care. People who do will tell me, and I make a mental note that I shouldn’t call that person they.

    It’s that easy.

    • Black_Mald_Futures [any]@hexbear.netEnglish
      15·
      4 months ago

      I think blanket acceptance of they/them in all instances where a preferred pronoun isn’t known should be pushed for and accepted but a lot of people disagree so shrug-outta-hecks

      I think it’s a big PR fuck up honestly because people want like, a pattern, they want routine, they don’t want to have to figure out what is appropriate for each of the potentially hundreds of people they meet every day

      And while it might “be easy” to just interact with people and if you misgender them, apologize and correct yourself (like other comments here), anybody who thinks that’s an okay state of affairs is basically not thinking at all about human psychology. Most people don’t want to be seen “as an asshole” for something that “isn’t their fault” so you get the exact sort of reaction you see in this twitter screenshot. People get mad when they’re put into a position of “you’re probably going to look like an asshole” and, to me, it seems like such a no brainer solution to say “gender neutral pronouns are always okay” because it gives people a safe place to start interacting from