I’m still pretty early on in my HRT journey at just under 5 weeks of estradiol IM injections and Spironolactone.
One thing that I kind of was expecting but still took me by surprise was the depth of my emotions increasing.
I kept reading about “a larger range of emotional responses” but feeling it is a whole new world! I feel like my emotions have so much more texture and nuance that I pick up on. I can feel them shift from sadness to anger to determination to whatever so quickly and so intuitively.
Before I started E, the best way I can describe how my emotional state behaved was like these blurry blobs of feelings that were difficult to distinguish or identify. Everything swirled around me without me being able to fully experience them. Now they are a part of me and I would never go back ❤️
HOLY SHIT THE DROPSIES
One of the side effects of feminizing HRT is smoother skin, which is terrific. HOWEVER, be prepared for your fingertips to lose basically all their spidey-esque gripping power. Prepare for the butteriest of butter fingers. You will be dropping shit ALL THE TIME. Boxes that you used to be able to just grab the sides of to carry around? That life is OVER HONEY.
I’ve gotten used to having work gloves to wear when I’m doing anything physical.
Oh my god… That explains so much! Did you possibly notice it around the 1 month to 6 week mark? The past couple days I have been CONSTANTLY dropping things that I thought I had a good grip on but never did. Just slips right out and I look down like “what the hell just happened there” 😖
Worth it for the gorgeous skin though
Wooow I never made that connection!!
Indeed I have been frustrated for years over my sudden propensity for dropping things. I think there has also been a change in coordination/spatial awareness for me.
I wonder if this also factors into the increased difficulty of opening lids? No matter how much force I apply, I can’t move them without adding a grippy texture.
I think it’s also skin moisture. Since E, my wife feels totally different - her skin is cool, soft and velvety now, it used to feel warm and almost radiate humidity.
That humidity feel definitely helps grip, that’s supposedly the reason our skin prunes up in water; better grip!
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Oh,if you’re anything like me, you neednt worry. The amount of times I’ve cut, sliced, or knicked my already large-ish hands (both from manual labor as a teen, and my hobbies now)… I wish my hands were changing at all… They’re more like lumps of charcoal than buttered noodles.
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I’ve only been on E for a month, so changes are still young, but my hands have always been and still are quite masculine. Since I have some callouses and scars from work and injuries, I’m not sure that my hands will ever look feminine in the traditional sense. It used to be a large source of dysphoria for me, but I’ve come to realize that my hobbies (woodworking basically) mean that I just have butch hands on will hopefully be an otherwise femme-body. 🤞🏻🤞🏻
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Have you tried lots of moisturizer? Estrogen makes skin more soft and papery from what I’ve seen, it sure helps me sew and whatnot
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I stink now. Wasn’t expecting it to happen so soon (bout two and a half months low dose) Have to change my boxers more often than I used to and shower more (the horror). I smell more sour.
T made me more emotionally stable. I’m way less depressed than I used to be despite not changing much about my life. I used to wake up and the default would be sad, now I wake up and feel neutral (not in a numb antidepressant way, just in a normal way) most days. Worked way better than any antidepressant I’ve been on. Wasn’t expecting that to happen. I’ve heard people say they’re happier on T. Feels like I’m on default mode nowadays. Never felt that way before.
Occasionally I’ll have dreams of… anger? I’ll be asleep dreaming and feel angry, then when I wake up I’ll be normal again.
Also I’ve been getting more bloated after eating or drinking anything. Apparently T can increase water retention.
Starting Estrogen had the same effect on depression for me, I’m finally looking to actually get off them! Also, very unexpectedly, I’ve apparently started emoting more and putting more expression into my voice. I’ve always spoke with a monotone, so I was very surprised at the development.
Also yeah guys are sweaty and stinky lol
That’s pretty interesting. I wish there were more studies comparing antidepressants to HRT in trans people. Interesting how your voice changed in its innotation too. I notice if I get gendered correctly then my voice is much more masculine than if i get misgendered by someone.
Somehow being sweaty and stinky gives me gender euphoria. When I was an egg I’d try to shower as little as possible both to avoid dealing with my body and because I thought it would make me more masculine and somehow turn me into a normal teenage boy going through puberty (what the hell was I thinking. i was like twelve or something). I definitely take regular showers now but getting sweaty and stinky more than I used to makes me think “yay, the testosterone’s working”
It would be interesting, but also it definitely makes intuitive sense to me. I had an unidentifiable lifelong depression, seemingly stemming from a hatred for my body, “not fitting in” in social situations, and “feeling broken” generally. Pretty obvious what the cause was in retrospect 😅. Transitioning has resolved all of those, and I think intonation creeping in is another effect of finally feeling comfortable socially for the first time in my life.
Gender euphoria comes from funny places, I get it from boob sweat haha.
I think our two views on our emotional states changing is really interesting. I love that you’re able to find comfort and peace in feeling more emotionally stable on T. To the point it has helped more than anti-depressants for you! I hope you view that as affirming :)
Before starting HRT, T made my emotions feel more disconnected from me. Like I couldn’t quite fully “feel” them and that was distressing. Now with E, I can much more easily connect with my emotions and it has helped me feel more alive.
I guess what I’m trying to say is I find it beautiful and wholesome that something that was dysphoric for me is actually something that seems affirming for you! ❤️
Estrogen and all those hormones really fucked with my head. I have PMDD (Premenstrual dysphoric disorder). The week before menstruation, I would get heavily depressed and suicidal every month, just like clockwork. PMS rage is also horrible to deal with. I used to get super angry and break down over something small like breaking a glass or tearing a garbage bag when it was that time of the month. Made me feel so ashamed and angry at myself because I knew it was hormonal and I had no control over it. Now don’t have that issue.
I didn’t feel connected with my emotions, just wildly out of control of them. I didn’t notice “hey, i’m feeling anxious and angry today. Better chill out and take a warm shower.” It was just “AGAHAGGQHHG IM IN PAIN” Now when I feel sad or anxious or whatever I can recognize what I’m feeling because it’s not a huge tidal wave of intense, uncontrollable emotions anymore.
I’m a strong believer in the biochemical dysphoria theory. Some brains are just wired for a certain sex hormone profile. It’s really interesting how both of us had similar results from each hormone, but they affected mental and emotional health in opposite ways.
The biochemical dysphoria descriptions where by far my biggest incentive in pursuing HRT. Especially the dissociative and depersonalization aspect of it. It described my entire life after puberty To. The. Letter.
And 5 months in I feel this fog lifting over my eyes and the world makes more sense to me now. I actually am having moments where my sense of self and body are at least occupying the same space. It’s been a really surreal experience.
Glad to hear that you no longer feeling the effects of PMDD or the PMS rage. That honestly sounds terrible and glad you were able to find a way out of it!:)
The biochemical stuff is a huge part of my interest in t. I’m not dysphoric about most of my feminine features, but my emotions feel like space invaders in my brains most of the time, especially PMS. I just feel such discomfort and shame, being… shaken like a doll by those feels. I hate it.
I also seem to socialize much more like guys tend to. I’ve been to one bachelorette party and we all knew it felt wrong lol
I was still straight passing back then, too… but I am nobodies bachelorette
I feel ya with the whole space invaders thing. It sucks and I wish nobody would have to go through that shit.
The thing about testosterone is that it will make you lose some of your feminine features that you’re not dysphoric over. Your body fat will redistribute to your belly, your chest will atrophy, you’ll grow a lot more body and facial hair, get a deeper voice, as well as many, many other things. You can’t choose which effects you get from testosterone. It also in many cases increases your LDL cholesterol and puts you at higher risk of cardiovascular health issues. It doesn’t matter how low of a dose you go on, you’ll get those changes after a while. If those sound like something you’d be okay with, then testosterone is a potentially good option for controlling PMS and all that. It can make mood swings and anger issues worse in some people, it’s highly variable on the individual.
If that doesn’t sound like a good option, I highly recommend trying birth control medication to treat PMS. It helps stabilize those hormones like T does, but you don’t have the risks or changes to deal with. Also, it’s a good option for when you’re just starting on T and want some stability while going through second puberty. Gives the added benefit of no periods faster.
I actually had a horrible initial reaction to taking birth control. The one I was prescribed was an estradiol based one. I got prescribed it to treat PMDD while I was waiting for all my labs to clear me to take T. I got heavily depressed for the first two weeks, and I knew it was because of the medication. I kept taking it and eventually as my body adapted to it those symptoms gradually disappeared. From what I’ve heard, how it works is it ends up replacing the natural sex hormones in your body, doesn’t increase them. Your body will decrease its natural hormone production in response to it. I thought I was gonna get super feminine looking and get even more dysphoria on it, but that’s not how it works. There are also many different types of hormonal birth control that you can take to treat it, so some of it is trial and error.
I really, really appreciate this. I’ve been wondering if any form of t might be a bit of a blunt hammer, in my case.
I don’t feel dysphoric about my body, but I used to. I leaned into fitness over covid, I felt more like me without having to femme up for work everyday and it started feeling better. I’m pretty lean now, and with a good tight sports bra and my hair short, I’m passably androgynous.
At least nowadays men bug obvious lesbians less and it’s post-#metoo. I grew up in the south, and I never fucking got to forget that I was a girl.
Thank you for talking with me
One thing that really wowed me was that my sense of smell changed a lot over time! Now, I can barely stand the smell of the garbage sometimes.
I’m generally more in touch with my thoughts, less quick to anger or grow irritated, and it’s easier to moderate frustration when it grows overwhelming.
Also I cry a lot more. A LOT more.
That got me too! I used to have a terrible sense of smell. Never understood why people said flowers smelled nice because I could never smell them. Few weeks into HRT and my wife gets me roses for Valentine’s Day. I could smell them through out the house 🥰
it’s been many years since i started, but i don’t think anyone told me beforehand that my BO would change so drastically.
Could you expand on that? In what way(s) did it change?
Amab enby here, taking E but no anti-androgen. The changes were noticable in the first week, but I don’t have the words… they should have sent a poet. XD
Like, how does one even describe girlsmell? I’ve always appreciated natural body odors in that all-too-brief period between the fading scent of their last shower and the sour tang of going too long without, but language never seems to do justice to something so fundamental…
Anyways, I caught the first hint of changes to my scent within a few days of starting on E. There was just enough girlsmell on me to trigger a memory of one of my partners and I took note of it immediately. That new part of my scent picked up while my boysmell gradually toned down over the next couple of months, though it is still present 'cause of the lack of anti-androgens. So I’ve ended up with a mix of both that I’ve decided to call enbysmell. I’ve also found that my body odor doesn’t build up as quickly as it used to, absent exercise.
I am so curious about enbysmell!
I am AFAB and considering really low dose t. I have very, very (weirdly) little body smell and I can hardly stand scented deodorant, I’m wondering if it’ll freak me out.
I wish I had some way to share it over the internet. XD
Me too!
You can take E without anti-androgens? I thought E always had to be paired with some sort of T-blocker. How has your body and mind responded to it so far?
I’m asking mainly because I really want to have more feminine features, but there are still some masc features I want to keep that taking T-blockers would get rid of (my functionality down there, for example). So the thought of going on HRT makes me apprehensive. But if I could keep them, I would feel a lot more comfortable moving forward.
This also has me wondering if I’m trans or more likely enby/genderfluid.Yeah! Estradiol Monotherapy was actually the original form of feminizing HRT before they realized that binary trans women need an anti-androgen to reduce testosterone levels.
I’m also taking Finasteride, which blocks the effects of testosterone on hair follicles, and between the two medications I’m getting almost all the androgynizing effects I want with very few downsides~
The physical effects have been wonderful, my skin is soft now, I’m almost up to an A-cup, and my body odor has changed to the point that I can’t tell my sex by scent alone. My sexual functionality is mostly unimpeded, though it does take a little longer to develop an erection and I’m sure my sperm count is abysmal. My hair has stopped falling out from the androgenic alopecia, and my body hair is growing in slower and more fine. And aside from a tiny degree of thinning, my villainous moustache is unaffected!
For the mental effects, I’m much more in-tune with my emotions and my libido is less insistent but still as strong as ever. It’s more subtle than I was expecting, most likely because I still have testosterone levels in the low end of typical male normality. Feminine orgasms weren’t new to me, I learned how to cum like a girl before I started my transition, but they’re easier to reach and can be much more intense now.
Please do ask if you’re curious about anything! Amab enbies who seek a hormonal transition are the rarest category of trans people but we do exist!
Thank you for replying!
Have you noticed much change in your upper body strength? Or have your current T levels helped keep it up? I’ve never been that strong, even with testosterone helping me, so the thought of being even physically weaker had me a bit nervous. I know I can workout to mitigate that, but that isn’t always feasible to do. How long have you been taking them so far? I’m also taking finasteride for my hair, but I’ve been on it for almost 18 months. My hair is still shedding a bit, but I can see regrowth starting.
Those androgynizing effects sound really appealing. Those would give me the big happy.
As for sexual functionality, that doesn’t sound too bad. Now that I think about it, I remember reading in another post someone suggested topical T-gel to apply down there. I believe trans men (and even some cis women) use it go develop theirs. So it makes sense that AMAB’s could use it to maintain functionality. I’ll have to dig into that.Those mental effects also sound awesome. I’ve always struggled with interpreting my emotions and maybe this is why.
Lady-O’s are definitely something I’ve been trying to achieve but I’ve never been successful. Maybe going on E will be the ticket?No problem! I’m happy to share my experience for anyone that might find it helpful. 😄
It’s been about 7.5 months so far, I started 2mg sublingual E and 5mg finasteride at the same time and added 100mg progesterone at 3 months. I also avoided building up my upper body before starting hormone therapy and have noticed a small decline in my upper body strength as my arms have gotten a bit slimmer. It’s not debilitating by any means because I have a desk job, and I’m trying to get in the habit of working out to make up for it, but I’m only seeing a gym every week or two. XD
As for the hair, I don’t think I’ve entirely stopped shedding yet but the rate has dropped significantly. The new follicles are smoother too, but I haven’t seen any regrowth yet.
I haven’t looked into topical T-gel, but do follow up to let us know if you try it. I’d be curious to hear of the effects even though I don’t think they’re necessary for me. _
Can’t say if the E would help with your Lady-Os, but it sure did for me! Another thing I didn’t mention was the amazing gender euphoria I got on day 1. E definitely vibes with me but if it isn’t right for you then you’ll know it long before any muscular effects become noticable.
All of this makes me feel a lot more comfortable with the idea of starting E. Even a little excited.
I have to move to a more welcoming place first, but I’m hoping to do that by this summer. When I do, I’ll look for a therapist and doctor who can help me get started.
Feminine orgasms weren’t new to me, I learned how to cum like a girl before I started my transition, but they’re easier to reach and can be much more intense now.
I’m curious as to when this changed for you. At 4 months in I haven’t felt much difference, though there’s been less… let’s say, volume.
I’m afraid I don’t have a solid answer there 'cuz it was a very gradual shift, but it first became noticable around six or eight weeks. Around the same time I noticed semen production declining.
Male orgasms haven’t changed much at all, they feel much the same as they used to. Female orgasms are quite different, and it’s entirely possible that you’ve experienced one without identifying it as such. They’re more diffuse and radiate outwards from your core rather than being focused in the genitals.
Male orgasms haven’t changed much at all, they feel much the same as they used to. Female orgasms are quite different, and it’s entirely possible that you’ve experienced one without identifying it as such.
ooh that’s a good point, maybe I’ve been thinking about this the wrong way. Thank you!
Something that really surprised me is that the shaft skin can secrete the same fluids as the vaginal canal. I was super confused when it first happened to me.
See on the gender dysphoria bible (You may have to scroll down to moisture and feminine oder section)
For me it didn’t happen until about 3 to 4 months but now at 8 months it doesn’t really happen to me anymore, which I don’t get.
Some things come and go. Especially those of a sexual nature. I’ve had 6 mo periods where for whatever reason, my genitals just did not function like normal at all. Then it all returns. Weird.
Indeed scent, texture, moisture, sensitivity and even coloration down there have completely changed for me. I started HRT at 37, so I had plenty of time to discover what my body was like before. And it’s very different now. I would say much closer to my AFAB partner whose body I have also had much time to explore.
Read through the link you provided. Some of those changes have me a little anxious. While I really want to be more fem, there are some masc features I want to keep. I’ll have to make a pro-con list. At the same time I’m still easily a year away from ever starting e. So I have time to think.
Thank you for sharing that link. It was really helpful for me.
Losing height. It was one of those things that people talk about, but was largely dismissed as something that never happens. But I lost height, and it was so confusing until I worked it out :)
Did your feet shrink as well? Personally I would be very happy if I wasn’t a size 11 in women’s -.-
Yep, two sizes
Apparently progesterone makes critters sleepy! … Okay, yeah, it’s a weird one but as a critter that’s never really had an easy time sleeping (the only plan that’s ever worked is “stay up until I fall asleep, then lie on the bed and hope I fall asleep again”) it’s really weird to lie down and blink away the whole night 😅
I just started HRT like a week ago, so that’s about all I’ve gotten to so far 😅 :3 🏳️⚧️
Oh wow, good sleep sounds wonderful
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On one hand, this is a shitty comment and you’re a dick for posting it, so fuck you. On the other paw, I’ve tried committing suicide and it unfortunately did not work out… so double fuck you.
I’ll be sure to take this as encouragement to try harder next time, I guess.
(But triple fuck you just for good measure, m’kay?)
Comment has been removed, sorry you had to see that 😓
So sorry that person said that to you. They have been banned from multiple instances due to transphobic trolling behavior. This is their third alt account.
You are loved and valued here. Please take care.
On what fucking planet is wishing death upon others acceptable?
dbzer0 is a de instance in all but name
I had previously undiagnosed BPD that went buck fucking wild. Not trying to scare you, but I want you to be prepared.
I would recommend checking into your family/gene donors history for any mental illness, especially those that are more common with women (BPD, in my case) and discuss with your therapist and support network.
For transmasc, check the history of men in your family/gene donors.
realizing my mother was diagnosed with BPD and I strongly suspect both of my sisters to have it as well
If it helps, I feel like if I had seen it coming I could have mitigated most of the fallout, and I’m in a much better place now that I’m past the worst of it.
If you have any questions, I’d be happy to try to answer them~
I have three sisters and two of them have diagnosed BPD. Welcome to the BPD family member club 😎. I got lucky not to have it.
Doesn’t help that one of my biggest fears was always “I don’t want to become my mother!” Lol
Instant depression cure. I was not expecting it that fast, though the initial part was probably placebo.
I also just feel more normal, like I’m finally running in default mode.
Same here, they should really put the day 1 gender euphoria on the informed consent documentation. XD
For me it was how much it felt like a liberation. This is probably more of a placebo effect than anything, but before I was still questioning. Now there is an unexpected clarity.
Definitely! I can’t help but finally free free to enjoy life the way I’m supposed to. I feel empowered for taking my life into my own hands vs before when I just “let” life happen to me
Got breast buds way faster than I was expecting. Think it was about 2 weeks in when I noticed them
Yeaaah, people will say “takes months” as a conservative estimate. I was super sore at 3 weeks lol and it really never stopped (the line between sore and tender is admittedly blurry).
Thought this post was about menopause. The replies were a bit startling at times! Soon copped on.
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I have a SUPER random one and have been wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience; I started HRT (patches) and Spiro last week!
I’m a daily cannabis consumer and have been for many years (🩷Volcano Hybrid). One thing I experience for a few days whenever my tolerance dips, or when in a situation which lowers my tolerance (different location or around different people), is a phantom feeling like I’ve wet myself or feel like I’m about to. It’s something I mention to people who are just starting with cannabis, and I have found it’s very common. It’s not something I’ve experienced in years, and I did not expect a variation of that feeling to return. I know tolerance fluctuates based on a variety of things, so I guess I’m not surprised- just wasn’t something I expected!
Huh, I’m not entirely new to cannabis, but only dabble in d8 and occasionally thca for pain management (not legal in my state).
The past week or so I have been noticing a weird sensation like… I didn’t fully empty my bladder and just wet my panties a bit after using the restroom. I chocked it up to the Spiro (100mg 2x day) and the extra water I’ve been drinking. Now I’m wondering…
So to answer your question about others with similar experiences… maybe, lol.
Congrats on starting HRT, glad youre liking the changes :)
Thank you! So far it has been everything I had hoped for and more :)
