In recent days, The Onion staff, corporate owners, and advertising partners have watched in horror at the devastation unfolding in the Middle East. As this unceasing cycle of violence continues, we believe it is time for this publication to reckon with its own responsibility as the world’s foremost news media titan whose every word is taken as absolute fact by billions of readers across the globe. It is with this onus in mind that America’s Finest News Source has made the difficult but important decision to call on the IDF to immediately bomb our offices in a targeted airstrike in case any Hamas agents are hiding out there.