Isn’t the entire point of the profile and matching system to filter incompatible people out? Why can I match with 50 people and not a single one wants to get a coffee or something after exchanging a few pleasantries? Everybody hates these things and yet they refuse to do anything IRL to get off them. Is there some Manchurian candidate activation codeword that I’m missing? I feel like everyone treats this shit solely as an ego booster and actually gets pissed off that anyone tries to interact with them. How do you meet people in hellworld if you don’t drink?
Me after dozens of dead-end back-and-forths that lead to nowhere despite having shared interests and presumably being attracted to each other since we matched: 
Hmm, maybe it’s the extreme commodification of relationships and atomization under capitalism that prevents you from getting anywhere with this garbage 
Nope, must be because @SuperZutsuki@hexbear.net didn’t say my favorite “The Office” quote and send me a playlist with 50 of the greatest songs I’ve never heard that made me instantly fall in love with them. I have no idea what other people expect from these things but I’m not doing labor for someone that I don’t even know is real. Thanks for reading my rant, any advice is appreciated.
Dating apps have undergone enshittification just as much as any other social media platform. Even the ones that started with relatively good intentions and helpful mechanisms have, as they’ve dialed in toward profitability, made it harder and harder to actually discharge their supposed purpose. They’re designed not just to keep you on the hook, but to entice you toward paying for premium features. I had some success on really niche online dating platforms back in the early 2010s, but all the ones that were actually good for meeting people have gone under in the last decade. The ones that are still here are, by definition, the ones that are making enough money to stick around; they don’t do that by getting people off the platform.
As most other people here have said, the best way to meet people (either friends or romantic partners) is to volunteer or actively participate in an IRL hobby. Those are good because anyone you meet doing those things is someone you are guaranteed to have something meaningful in common with. Get involved with stuff you’re passionate about. I know that’s easier said than done for a lot of people, but I really do think pretty much everyone is much more likely to find success doing that than scrolling Tinder. I met my wife volunteering for an org that we both care about deeply, and it served as both a litmus test for character (we both knew that someone involved in this org had to at least have some redeeming qualities) and an immediate bonding point.
That’s the thing though. I’m just not passionate about anything.
that can be a symptom of clinical depression
if it’s possible for you, it might be worth getting checked
untreated depression is very much not good
Second this. You’ll be much more likely to find and make good relationships if you’re in a decent place mentally. It isn’t possible for everyone to deal with stuff like this because we live in Hell world, but if you can, it might be something worth exploring.
Do things that you’re not passionate about. Passions develop later. I’ve done things on a whim that only later turned into life-long loves.
then explore hobbies until you find something you’re interested in
Just tell that person to put on a hobby helmet and climb into a hobby cannon and launch themself into HobbyLand.
If I could redefine the way social alienation works don’t you think I already would have
if you want to have a social support system you need a thing you do that gives you the opportunity to meet people it could be cricket, religion, slam poetry etc
Sure, sure.
But telling someone that is having a hard time doing (the thing) to just (do the thing) isn’t really a start and is hardly workable encouragement to get there.
Most hobbies have an up-front cost, too, and a lot of people don’t have much disposable income, if any at all. At the least you could narrow it down with those material conditions in mind and give them something to work with other than “just (do the thing).”
I agree it isn’t easy but it is simple. Social interaction becomes less daunting with practice so the only cure I know for being too nervous to put yourself out there is to do it anyway. It’s like how regular exercise can help with depression but depressed people find it really hard to do regular exercise
they know their own budget, local area, and schedule better than I do
Yeah, “git gud” platitudes are simple, simple enough that someone already discouraged likely heard it many times over already.
Yes, which is why saying “git gud” in whatever form probably is redundant.
it’s not saying get good I understand that it is very difficult to do these things but also they are the only solution to the problem
what do you want me to say “yes there’s literally nothing you can do woe is you”. A friendgroup isn’t going to turn up one day fully formed and I don’t think it’s very kind to pretend that there is nothing you can do about it. This is a solvable problem
also the person I originally replied to just said they weren’t passionate about doing anything and I don’t see how telling them to try something they aren’t passionate about right away is an insurmountable ask
Yeah though? Some hobbies might have a high cost of entry, but a lot you can start for basically nothing. You’ve just gotta fire that cannon until you hit something that works.
I have hobbies and I have lots of friends from those hobbies.
It’s still not helpful to just say effectively “git gud” at someone that doesn’t even know what they’d enjoy to begin with.
Their response to ‘I have no passions’ was basically ‘then find some by exposure’. I think it’s fair advice to people who think you need to follow a “calling” or something before you do something new. In my experience, I found passions through doing things, rather than doing things I was already passionate about, because like OP I didn’t have any to start with. Probably not universal advice but it worked for me.
I guess more practically my advice would be to never say no to offers to do something (within fair limits obviously). No matter how much something sounds unfun or you’re not in the mood, if someone invites you, go and try it once. I’ve had some very good and very bad experiences doing this, but all were valuable.
“Git gud” doesn’t encourage the discouraged. There are more successful methods, though many of them require at least a little bit of personal rapport and trust first, which doesn’t really land with “git gud” statements. They may feel good to say but they’re not likely to actually help that person.
Nobody said “git gud” though, or at least that’s not how I interpreted it.
You’re here, so you’re likely passionate about leftism to some degree or another. Have you thought about volunteering around that? I know it’s a hard barrier to overcome, especially if you’re introverted, but it’s pretty rewarding in a number of different ways.
Yeah I am, not sure where to look for orgs though. I’d definitely feel awkward though, especially since my family is so conservative. I guess it wouldnt necessarily have to be a political group though.
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