cross-posted from:

I’ve noticed variations of ‘calm down’ don’t work.

Lots of ppl in arguments in the hood

  • @graphito
    1 year ago

    Acknowledge that it’s risky business, don’t expect people to thank you for keeping their relationships. Understand that walking away will always produce better results for you personally than actually staying and trying to untangle this mess

    Grab their attention, ring a smoke alarm, drop something loud, slam the door etc

    Separate them physically and give the time to cool off

    Convince both of them that family therapy is normal, beneficial and overall “worth it” regardless of how bad the things are

    3 months ago

    Maybe try to help people see the other person’s perspective? It really helps to put yourself in someone else’s shoes but, I think, people are not very good at it. They mostly just see how ‘they’ feel and how ‘they’ think. Often talking to people feels like I’m talking to a wall, like what I’m saying is not even getting through… I’m in a healthy long-term relationship, and I think part of the reason why we still get along is because I’m willing to do that (my partner is capable of doing this also). If we argue I will take the time to try to understand them. I might still judge them at first and feel upset (and assume the worse like they’re being selfish or not a good person), but if I discuss it and take the time to try to understand them and where their actions are coming from, the upset feeling usually dissipates. I was angry with them because I didn’t fully understand why they behaved in a certain way. Once it’s clarified, there’s an aha moment and I can understand their actions better.

    Relationships can be hard because everyone has their own way of making sense of things, or of doing things. People really don’t understand each other very well, you kind of have to take the time to do it. If you’re dealing with someone who’s not willing to see your side, then I’m afraid you’re out of luck. :(