Hey comrades, I hope this doesn’t break the rules but I needed someplace to rant to sane people. I know how well threads like this go over on R*ddit. Due to some hefty psychological abuse during my childhood, I suffer from bad social anxiety. Until very recently I couldn’t even talk to strangers via phone, Discord, or Email.
It took me so long to realize that I needed help and even longer to gather the strength to seek it that I am 25 now and only started getting better slowly. I just feel like it took me too long and now recovering is meaningless. I never went to any parties or clubs because I couldn’t and I also didn’t have romantic connections.
The thought of asking someone out terrifies me. I am completely clueless in dating matters and overcoming this seems like an impossible roadblock. It feels like I am already too old to have no clue about relationships and I will be definitely too old once I get over my fear of approaching someone. I don’t want to be alone forever. I don’t want to become some weird incel creep but I also feel like I already crossed the point of no return. And yet I feel silly for worrying about this. I know a lot of you have far greater problems in life. Me complaining about having social anxiety and being single just shows how good my life is if this is truly my biggest problem but I still can’t shake it.
Sorry that this rant is so uncoherent and leading to nothing I just had to get this out in an environment that is actually supporting and understanding.
Edit: thanks everyone for the kind words. I was shedding some tears while going through your replies. I was that deeply touched. I count myself once again lucky to belong to such a kind and caring community (can’t believe libs call US red red fascists) and I now feel much better about myself. I feared I was alone in my fight, and even though I haven’t met a single one of you in real life, I now know I am not. I will get around to answering everyone of you but it might take me a day or two.
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I came from a family of military men. My father was army. His older brother guarded nuclear test sites and witnesses several detonations with his own eyes. I had a grand-uncle who died at Pearl Harbor. I fully get what you mean by the militaty culture. I was well on track to join the military. My ASVAB score had the recruiters fighting to make me their officer.
Then I met a man who served two volunteer tours in Vietnam. One of those guys who figured out how to fly copters in war the hard way. Just before graduating highschool he sat me down and chatted about my military goals. I will never forget this moment for as long as I live, but at one point he got dead serious. Looked me square in the eyes and went full Colonel mode. "You need to understand one thing I had to learn the hard way. If you persue hhis life you want in the military, have absolutely zero doubt that you will be a trained killer whose sole function is to kill whoever you are told to. If you can square that with your conscience, then you have my blessing. If not, then I suggest you do something else. "
His words hit deep. I never joined up and I’m glad for it