A coworker asks what you’re bringing to the potluck. What’s the worst response?
Fish, I want it to be fresh so I’ll just microwave it here at the office right before lunch.
Same answer but for porkchops
Same answer but for eggs
Me: Condoms.
Coworker: You don’t need condoms at a potluck?
Me: Wow! You guys are freaks! (Then walk away & refuse to elaborate)
⏺️
Fresh Durian
Durian smoothies.
These are good in a weird way, at least for a bit until I get sick of the taste
“I’m a picky eater, so I’m just bringing a sandwich for myself.”
I’m bringing long pork. It’s my great grandfather’s recipe from his sailing days. Also Greg told me he can’t make it because he’s going off-grid for a while. He said you shouldn’t worry about him, he’s fine, but he quits because he hates all of you. He went into details but I won’t repeat them. If you try to contact him he’ll say hurtful things to you like he did to me, so don’t even try. He’s fine, he hates all of you, don’t look for him, enjoy the long pork.
I know it’s tacky to reply to my own comment but I was imagining how that conversation would go and wanted to add it here.
Coworker: wow that’s unexpected. I’m kind of shocked to hear that
Me: Greg was too. When I spoke to him he looked very very shocked… At his recent decision. Shocked but also fine … Looked very healthy… Happier than ever. He was actually so happy about is sudden decision to stop talking to all of his friends and family that he left immediately. I was like "hey Greg shouldn’t you pack a bag, or atleast take your wallet, keys, and other important items with you before you leave to the wilderness forever " but he said “no. I choose to not prepare at all because I’m no longer interested in any of my worldly possessions. All I ask is that before leaving you should touch all my knifes and various other places around my apartment. Also throw out my plastic tarp i keep in the storage closet and ask all of my previous friends to never attempt to find or contact me” of course I agreed because how could I refuse a man’s last request before he leaves permanently and immediately to live completely alone in the woods.
why hasn’t Greg returned any of my calls Aeao
I hate to deliver bad news which is why I didn’t speak to you directly… He was very clear that although he hated everyone he specifically mentioned hating you because he finds your calls annoying and he says your most unattractive quality is how concerned you are with the safety of others. It was pretty cold of him to say. I understand tho that you can’t help the clearly negative part of your personality so what I can do is say that anytime you want an update on Greg just ask me, and only me … so that other people don’t see how annoying you are. I’m the only one who will understand and help you. So just ask only me and I’ll tell you how Greg is doing alone in the woods. I hear he’s started a sour dough culture. He’s doing very very well.
Remember tho, only me. If you ask anyone else they will leave you, like Greg left you. So we have to keep this a secret or else everyone will hate you. I’m the only one who won’t leave you… Because I care.
oh actually. he’s a dick. we just needed him to sign his timesheet. but. he can go pound sand. btw thanks for the “long pork” it is so good
Oh… Right… Well I wouldn’t bother with that or be surprised if he doesn’t cash his final check. With his new lifestyle and all… Sign paper work and cashing checks wouldnt be very off-grid of him. I bet he would feel like that’s a kind of a communication to the outside and he was very clear he doesn’t want to do that- actually on second thought I think he wouldn’t mind if I brought it to him in cash. I mean he doesn’t believe in worldly possessions like I said but he was a man of principle. How about just send his final check to me and Ill give him cash. That we you can still give him what he’s owed but he doesn’t have to talk to anyone or confirm his whereabouts, which again is something he does not want. That was his main problem, does not want anyone to contact or look for him. I can bring his paycheck to him in cash tho. That’s probably fine. I owe him atleast that much for keeping me fed the last two weeks-Metaphorically speaking of course ! You know how like Deb in accounting is in a way keeping food on our table. Greg’s fine. Great guy. Doesn’t want to be found.
Deb was at his wedding!!! Let’s ask her! Deb, did you get that pull request with Greg completed? He never signed his time card. No thank you. I tried the dip. It was great. But have you heard from him
I didn’t realize they were so close. That’s totally an idea you had. We should discuss it at my place tonight. Just the three of us.
hold on let me finish my pork first
You and I must know the same Greg!
Not anymore we don’t lol. I mean because he moved to the woods. Like I said.
I’m no longer allowed to setup “Chili Mystery Mayhem” for work after the incident.
And if I do bring chili, it has to be one of my “ultra-mild” varieties.
I need more details on this incident lol, although I can imagine. Side note, I want some of that chilli!!
it
was
YOU
True story, a co-worker once brought a half eaten bag of Doritos and an apple pie his mum had made for him. Then he spent the whole thing trying to stop us from eating the pie.
An otherwise normal dish.
The trick is to also give this book at the secret santa, while making sure your dish is a perfect match, visually for one in the book.!
I knew what it was going to be before even clicking the link.
Any link between the dish that everyone just ate, and the book are completely coincidental. 😅
Surströmming
Lime Jello Ham Salad with grapes and pimento olives
Ah yes, the worst parts of different recipes thrown together. Nice.
Wtf…
A fictional response, but based on some actual potluck jello salads I tasted as a child. Ham isn’t so bad but those martini olives were a nasty surprise.
Clam chowder.
Maybe you like clam chowder, that’s fine, but even then, it’s going to stink up the whole office and you might go through a few little cups worth, but nobody’s grabbing a big bowl of chowder at a pot luck.
Just thinking about the smell is making me gag. Yuck.
A can of green beans. Just going to warm them up in the microwave. (Going to take them out of the can obviously)
Or don’t! Watch the sparks fly
The Mayor’s Lucky Purple Shorts!
Marnie would enjoy that.
“Your mom”
Two gallons of saurkraut, no lid.
