• Dyskolos@lemmy.zip
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    4 hours ago

    I’m a very tall wardrobe with a resting removed face syndrom that is also nocturnal. I learned a long time ago to just slow down when behind women and never to speed up. Or just change sides or so.

    It pisses me off to constantly being seen as a violent rape-ape instead of a person, but imagining being a woman (or whomever else is frightened by me) in such a situation makes my worries seem more irrelevant.

    In a better society this would be totally unnecessary, but here we are.

  • NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone
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    17 hours ago

    Follow-up should be about becoming the manager of a McDonald’s and realising that this small amount of authority over people allows you to make their lives miserable.

  • wizzor@sopuli.xyz
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    1 day ago

    Back in the day I lived in the outskirts of the city where buses would run rarely. Many times when I arrived home late a woman would also drop off. They mostly reacted in the same way as OP describes.

    I tried to imagine having to be afraid like that all the time and it’s horrifying. The planet is populated by animals larger and stronger than you who might, or might not behave violently without provocation.

  • Codex@lemmy.world
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    2 days ago

    As a tall man who likes to walk at night, I have long understood that women alone at night do not wish to encounter me. So when I happen to find myself following a woman down the street, I will either slow down, cross the street, or stop and look at a sign or something for a minute to give her some space.

    In a dangerous and shitty world, a person has to find subtle and quiet ways to express care, compassion, and solidarity. It costs me nothing to make a woman feel safer.

    • Eranziel@lemmy.world
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      2 days ago

      This is the way, and good for you.

      Purposefully making women afraid they’re about to get assaulted is abhorrent.

    • Hikermick@lemmy.world
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      2 days ago

      While working i am occasionally in parking garages which can be dark and creepy. If i see a woman walking alone I’ll try to make some noise like pulling out my keys. People with bad intentions will be stealthy, hopefully they get that I’m not a threat

      • Comment105@lemm.ee
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        1 day ago

        He’s not a “Sucker Idolizing Mediocre Pussy”

        He’s a man making sure women feel a little safer.

        Using the word “SIMP” in this context runs counter to every example of protective familymen I’ve ever seen. Derision against his behavior is as good as calling yourself a creep, a predator, an enemy of all that is good and right.

        You have the morals of an opportunistic thug … yet I have no doubt you think yourself some kind of faithful man

      • Codex@lemmy.world
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        2 days ago

        Eh possibly, but many of the women I’ve slept with have told me that I make them feel safe and that it’s a huge turn on for them. Shocking, I know, that people might want to feel secure before they get intimate.

    • Scratch@sh.itjust.works
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      2 days ago

      And, illegal if you can make the argument that OP knew or should have known their behavior would be unwelcome.

        • ricecake@sh.itjust.works
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          1 day ago

          Depends on jurisdiction, but in a fair number it would be “menacing”.

          A person is guilty of menacing when by some movement of body or any instrument the person intentionally places another person in fear of imminent physical injury.

          That’s Delaware’s, but different states do it differently, and some out that classification under stalking.

          Following someone around intentionally and knowingly causing them fear of injury is illegal. Why on earth would you even for a moment think you’re allowed to do that? It’s like thinking guns are legal so you can point your gun at someone on the street.

          • nova_ad_vitum@lemmy.ca
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            1 day ago

            Why on earth would you even for a moment think you’re allowed to do that?

            Because OP actually lives in that building and the rest comes down to proving his intent which is extremely difficult in every situation. You’re “allowed” to do it because proving that someone literally walking to their home has intent to menace is so difficult that no authorities will even try to prosecute.

            • ricecake@sh.itjust.works
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              1 day ago

              Lives in the same building for one of the examples given. And we’re not DAs, we get the benefit of OP telling us their state of mind and intent which involves very explicitly making choices of dress, behavior and demeanor for the explicit purpose of quite literally menacing women for his own amusement.

              Difficult to prosecute doesn’t make something legal.

          • pixelscript@lemm.ee
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            23 hours ago

            I can’t think of a time before this I’ve seen the word ‘meanacing’ used as a verb and not an adjective.

  • AItoothbrush@lemmy.zip
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    2 days ago

    Now its not only women who would prefer the bear. After reading this i also prefer the bear.

  • papalonian@lemmy.world
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    2 days ago

    So everyone here is saying fuck anon and I agree, but I agree because they are aware of it and intentionally doing things on purpose to exacerbate the situation.

    But like, if you’re a physically larger dude (maybe even cursed with a hint of melanin), and you’ve got to walk behind a woman at 2am… it’s just a shitty situation for both people, where both of you feel like you have to do something you shouldn’t have to do (women feeling the need to run, defend themselves, or cry for help, and men feeling the need to change their route, stand around and wait until she leaves, or do something awkward and potentially more scary like announce their presence).

    I’m definitely not advocating for women to be less cautious on the streets at night or anything like that at all, it’s an unfortunate reality that they need to stay vigilant and aware to remain safe. It just really sucks that the way it comes across a lot of the time does little to protect anyone from any actual harm, and just makes normal people feel like shit for making someone feel like they’re about to get raped.

    • Skua@kbin.earth
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      2 days ago

      As a physically large man who used to work a job that meant he was walking home late at night in the city, just cross the road to overtake. If you’re walking that much faster than the other person, you will overtake pretty soon.

      • AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world
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        2 days ago

        Shit, I cross the road to overtake because I’m a smoker and don’t want to inconvenience non-smokers with my addiction. Never even crossed my mind that may make people feel safer.

        • AA5B@lemmy.world
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          2 days ago

          Thank you. As that vice gets rarer, the impact on other of the smell is worse and worse. It’s not my business if you choose that vice but I appreciate any effort not to inflict it on the rest of us

          • UltraGiGaGigantic
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            2 days ago

            I’m crossing the street because weed is illegal and I want people to think it’s tobacco.

            • AA5B@lemmy.world
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              4 hours ago

              Double thanks, many of us also don’t appreciate that smell either. In some cases it smells worse. It took a surprising number of years for my kids to be able to distinguish weed from skunk, when they were little

    • AA5B@lemmy.world
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      2 days ago

      Hear hear! As a bigger guy with a faster pace, I have yet to find a way that doesn’t make everyone uncomfortable while also making me frustrated as hell because I can’t walk at my own pace.

      Even worse, I’m probably walking with my dog, who likes an even faster pace, and she’s a rescue who looks scary and isn’t yet well behaved

      • ChexMax@lemmy.world
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        1 day ago

        Wear a reflective vest. It makes it obvious you’re just trying to safely walk your dog, makes you less likely to be hit by a car and signals safety because dangerous people don’t usually want to be conspicuous

      • papalonian@lemmy.world
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        2 days ago

        If it makes you feel any better, a large person walking with a scary dog seems much less likely to be a psychopath than just a large person by themselves (to me, at least).

        Obviously not to say that large people are psychopaths 😂 just that someone with an animal they’re caring for doesn’t strike me as someone who is going to attack me.

      • Eranziel@lemmy.world
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        2 days ago

        I think (as a white dude, so take your grains of salt as you please) that a dog would make you less threatening. Makes it clearer what you’re up to, and people bringing their dogs along to mug or rape someone is exceedingly rare.

    • Dayroom7485@lemmy.world
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      2 days ago

      If you’re a big guy and you find yourself walking behind a woman at 2am AND, unlike anon, you‘re not a complete sociopath, you have two options in a nutshell. One, you move your ass and overtake, walking fast. Two, you change the side of the road. Both minor inconveniences.

      • elidoz
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        2 days ago

        just not changing pace is good enough in my opinion, that makes it look like he was actually chasing her

        if he takes the same road and she is scared it’s more of a she problem since he’s just going home

        imo the solution is just not to do anything sketchy, and teach younger people what’s right and wrong, so that the problem can get solved with a better society in the future

        • XIIIesq@lemmy.world
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          2 days ago

          imo the solution is just not to do anything sketchy, and teach younger people what’s right and wrong, so that the problem can get solved with a better society in the future

          Ah yes, why didn’t my parents or their grandparents think to teach their kids that rape and murder is wrong!? It’s all so clear now!!!

          • Revan343@lemmy.ca
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            2 days ago

            If the current state of America is any indication, plenty of people didn’t teach their kids that

            • XIIIesq@lemmy.world
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              I think some people do fucked up shit regardless of what they’re taught and it requires a solution that’s slightly more complex than “just teach the kids right and wrong”.

              Whilst I strongly encourage good parenting, you could have the most fucked up parents imaginable and still easily be able to understand why rape and murder isn’t a benefit to society.

    • superkret@feddit.org
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      2 days ago

      (maybe even cursed with a hint of melanin)

      That euphemism is a lot worse than just saying “black”.

          • papalonian@lemmy.world
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            2 days ago

            Awesome! According to me, the person I was talking about, “being cursed with a hint melanin” is an obvious in-joke to other black or mixed people. I’ll keep describing myself however I like, and you do the same!

          • Peruvian_Skies@sh.itjust.works
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            2 days ago

            A curse is a condition that bestows a disadvantage. Being black is not a curse in and of itself, but being black + being in any one of many places around the world today is definitely a curse-esque combination due to racism.

            • papalonian@lemmy.world
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              2 days ago

              I roll with disadvantage every time I try to avoid people being offended on my behalf for comments I make about myself. Such is my curse as a sarcastic biracial man in modern America.

                • papalonian@lemmy.world
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                  2 days ago

                  I’m not being judgemental. I literally told you to continue using and disliking words as you saw fit. You’re the only one that seems upset.

    • riwo@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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      this doesn’t just go on gender lines either. i am tall and broad and probably scare people, especially women, in the dark. i hope my appearance at least protects me from being assaulted as well… no one asks for ur gender, when they see u walking around at night.

      • papalonian@lemmy.world
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        2 days ago

        I’ve never even considered this perspective before. It’s frustrating enough for guys to get lumped in with shitty guys, but to be a woman lumped in with shitty guys, that’s gotta be aggravating as hell.

        I’d wager you’re probably right, though; you’ve probably got a better buffer against weirdos than a dainty little flower might.

      • jerkface@lemmy.ca
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        2 days ago

        Intentionally causing a person to fear harm is assault. Greentext is committing assault. It might not be possible to convict for it, but it’s still assault.

        • finderscult
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          22 hours ago

          Walking home isn’t assault. This is like saying it’s okay for cops to shoot unarmed black men because they had an unreasonable fear for their life.

      • Maalus@lemmy.world
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        2 days ago

        No it isn’t when there’s probable cause. And “dude started running after me” is enough for self defense to kick in. Actually it is probably enough to charge the dude.

          • Maalus@lemmy.world
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            2 days ago

            A man, in a hoodie, that speeds up his step when they try to walk away from him faster, at 2am. Context matters a lot here.

          • underwire212@lemm.ee
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            It’s more than just “a man within range of vision”. Obviously we don’t have the full story here, but even in the text, there are specific behaviors that would, arguably, make a reasonable person suspect they were in imminent danger. Depending on the state, that is enough to trigger self-defense definition.

    • XIIIesq@lemmy.world
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      Sometimes prophecies are self fullfilling, treat a man like the worst example of the gender he represents, through no fault of his own and you might find he behaves less than appropriately.

      I’m not saying that excuses the behaviour, but if women looked at me and immediately thought “potential rapist/murderer” I can’t say that wouldn’t upset me and possibly cause me to act less than amicably.

      I mean what the fuck am I supposed to do? Somehow talk the worst male scum out of their depraved behaviour, or somehow try to convince all women that “I’m one of the good ones”? That’s never going to happen no matter how hard I try.

      We all need to be realistic and keep things in perspective. It’s not OK to treat people as the worst of the people they identify with, it’s no better than the “all Muslims are terrorists” mentality.

      • technojamin@lemmy.world
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        1 day ago

        Or you could just realize that it’s not personal and give signals that you’re friendly when possible. I’m a man, and I walk around my neighborhood a lot by myself. I get different reactions from different women when I pass by or walk behind them, some amicable and some standoffish.

        It feels a bit bad when I get the impression that someone is scared of me, but I have the understanding to know that many women are cautious and possibly traumatized, and no one owes me friendliness.

        Also, your comparison to Muslims is really off. Most people with prejudice against Muslims are rarely (if ever) exposed to them in real life and have their opinions influenced by conservative media. Women with fear of men in public spaces are usually informed by stories from their friends and their own previous experiences. I’ve witnessed enough to know as much.

      • riodoro1@lemmy.world
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        2 days ago

        My gf does this constantly. She is afraid of every man on the street. If there is a homeless or god forbid mentally ill person on her path she’s basically terrified.

        Yes, she does listen to true crime podcasts. Yes, we live in a relatively safe part of a relatively safe country.

        • toxoplasma0gondii@feddit.org
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          Go ahead and aks her if she has ever been harrased or sexually coerced in her life. At what age and what happend. And then ask her if she has friends who have. Or how often she didn’t think it was socially acceptable to say “no” or “fuck off”.

          This is not something just in our heads. We don’t just freak out about nothing. Especially in a world were young white men are increasingly frustrated about the way the world “treats” them.

          I have had enough guys try to follow me home or just obnoxiously trying to “be nice” while ignoring all the " I don’t want to talk right nows" and “i don’t need you to escort me home, reallys”, thank you very much.

          Its not about the danger of beeing raped or killed. Its about the fact that its uncomfortable enough as is even if nothing objectively bad happens.

        • LwL@lemmy.world
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          2 days ago

          Being scared isn’t really something you can control. So I think what matters is whether that affects how she treats men.

          As someone who also is quite scared of strangers when no one is around, I mostly just avoid that situation to begin with. If that’s not possible or it’s just too severe, it’s definitely something where looking into professional help could help her, if it’s available. Though not listening to true crime podcasts would probably be a good start…

        • Echo Dot@feddit.uk
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          2 days ago

          The problem with listening to things like that is that they are self-selecting for the absolute worst things that have ever happened. It’s not like they go on today’s podcast nothing really happened so we’re going to talk about a case of minor vandalism instead.

          Nah they will dig back to the 1960s in order to find something to talk about. Seriously look up how many podcasts are still going on about Jack The Ripper despite the fact it was about 150 years ago.

      • ComradeSharkfucker
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        2 days ago

        Yeah obviously but it is no justification. I definitely understand how material conditions can influence behavior