Couple months ago I met a woman who works at a dispensary I visit about once a week. We hit it off really well. Despite trying to just keep it casual sex, and that only, I ended up developing some feelings for her. She confessed the same to me. I even introduced her to my teenaged daughter, for fucks sake.

I ran into her this evening at a gas station, with another guy, who turns out to be her husband. They’ve been married five years, and have two children together, ages 4 and 2. Finding out they have kids just made me feel disgusting.

So, I told him. He didnt believe me until I described a tattoo in a somewhat intimate place on her body. I had no fucking clue she was married. I think I ruined someone’s marriage. Or at least took part in ruining one.

I feel guilty. I am sorry for what I participated in. Am I a bad person?

    • booty [he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
      311·
      2 months ago

      christian moralism is when you think people shouldn’t be unknowingly stuck in a relationship with someone who has no respect for them

      • LigOleTiberal [he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
        53·
        2 months ago

        you could’ve also been cheating that entire time too. donny blame someone else’s actions for your own decisions in life. you are responsible for yourself and your decisions when it comes to inter-personal relationships, full stop.

        • Omegamint [comrade/them, doe/deer]@hexbear.netEnglish
          43·
          2 months ago

          You seem to have issues with the “ethical” part of non-monagamy. Cheating on your partner (aka, sleeping with other people without their consent), is not ethical. The ethical thing to do is to ask for that consent, and to break it off if you cant get it and you need to be with/sleep with other people.

          Something tells me I shouldn’t need to explain this

        • lil_tank [any, he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
          21·
          2 months ago

          jesse-wtf

          Edit : Okay I get it youre against the monogamous patriarchal structure of marriage. I’m too actually, but as long as you get into a relationship with a partner that promises exclusivity it’s absolutely unfair to live a better life and prevent them to do so too. That’s the actual problem, instead of opening the relationship honestly and both live a better life outside the bonds of marriage you keep the other unable to do so and that’s wrong.

      • SadArtemis [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
        15·
        2 months ago

        Obviously,you should make sure the person you’re outing wouldn’t be put in danger by this first,but it’s definitely not something to be excused

        I mean, if someone were to be put in danger by being exposed- wouldn’t that be a pretty damn good excuse?

        • LigOleTiberal [he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
          52·
          2 months ago

          there’s any number of reasons people “cheat” and main one is that the very idea of monogamy and cheating stands from patriarchal monotheism and the fact that through ask of human history large numbers of adults have “cheated” or lived in non-monogamous societies shows that the idea that it is “BAD” to cheat it moralistic and idiotic.

          • jack [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
            34·
            2 months ago

            Monogamy long predates patriarchal monotheism. Jews didn’t invent marriage. And while there have always been cultures without strict monogamy, there have also always been cultures with strict monogamy - and often these can exist in the same culture. How that makes the voluntary choice to be monogamous universally bad and therefore cheating is universally good I don’t know.

          • Infamousblt [any]@hexbear.netEnglish
            241·
            2 months ago

            Non ethical non monogamy is no different from patriarchal monogamy. Get outta here with your bad takes that because toxic monogamy exists it’s okay to be a lying sack of shit to your partners. Non monogamy is great but it has to be done ethically and consensually or it’s just a different style of bad

          • Adlach@lemmygrad.mlEnglish
            14·
            2 months ago

            Pretty sure my wife would be mad at me if I cheated on her. Is she an agent of the patriarchy?

          • RomCom1989 [he/him, any]@hexbear.netEnglish
            6·
            2 months ago

            I agree,but under the current monogamous paradigm, people are going to feel hurt and betrayed by this sort of behavior

            So,even considering this,it would have been reasonable to expect that she would have told him beforehand

            Until a more enlightened age arrives,where more types of human connection other than monogamy will be commonplace, we can assume most people will have been socially conditioned to expect an exclusive arrangement and may not wish to take part in less conventional types of relationships and then act accordingly