And it has all kinds of implications and context and shit.
How the fuck am I supposed to tell what’s just people doing things at random and what’s a part of all-singing-all-dancing-shit-show the neurotypicals call “social norms”? Down with NTs.
Honestly while it’s really fucking annoying that refusal to participate could result in some silly neuronormo interpreting a completely innocuous action as an offense, and it can cut you off from social shit, I think it’s basically the only way. The same button never does the same thing twice. Screeching rn.
mfw I found out that “are you hungry” actually means “will you eat with me” and “what’re you doing this weekend” means “would you like to make plans?” 🤦
these are things I learned in the last 12 months – I just turned 42
pretty much all the time, it feels like everyone got a memo that I missed
Once again this comes down to allistic people being afraid to be honest or vulnerable. If i ask you to go for dinner and you say no i have all the bad feelings of rejection and shame. If i say “are you hungry?” And you say not really i can still continue as if i wasn’t rejected.
It used to be an innuendo to ask a person “would you like to see my etchings(drawings)?” I remember a teacher of mine finding old newspaper comics that reinforced this
That sums things up so well.
I often ask my wife “are you hungry” and then we both have a discussion about both our hunger levels and actual willingness to eat, lmao
We really do need a Gayroller-2000 style emote for neurotypicals.
NTs are the weirdos, we make perfect sense!
Ikr, imagine having to ask weirdo questions instead of just saying “Hey wanna get food with me?” or something? Common neurotypical L
But this makes sense because i want to know other people’s hunger levels to make a decision on what to do about it. The followup question is usually about what kind of food and when and coming to a consensus on what eataging will satisfy our differing hunger levels.
If I’m asking a rando colleague out to lunch my question literally just is. “Pub?” And i get a yay or nay
Note that the_itsb says the quesrion is not literally about hunger levels, I agree tho.
We certainly do :sicko-yes:
HOW MANY MORE COMRADES HERE ARE OLD ENOUGH TO BE MY PARENTS :kitty-cri-screm:
spoiler
You’re cool, I love you for being cooler than my dad. It sucks my dad isn’t as cool :sadness:
I’m also in my 40s, I’m old enough to be the void in your walls c:
I’m in my 40s.
I’m not old i’m finely aged!
We are all secretly your dad posting on alts when you’re not looking.
Przestań mi tak kurwa dokuczać. W realu pierdolisz o migrantach a tu jesteś koks??? Ty chuju i chamie pierdolony :kitty-cri-screm:
Oh I just realized this one too, a few seconds ago. I wonder how many times I’ve said not really when I should have said yes??
Probably about as many times as I should have! 🤦😂
oh well
How many people were flirting with us or just trying to be friends with us, and we were totally oblivious??
I would imagine quite a bit, can be hard to tell with NT people, though I generally can pick up quite a bit though I have had quite a few people just randomly ask me out or what not in the past so they can misread me being interested in them
oh yeah 🤦
took me way too long to figure out that people were reading my natural cheer and enthusiasm as romantic interest instead of just the general interest I intended
Yeah I get that a lot also funny because I’m ace and just my natural way of talking can be misread as flirtation or just because I’d listen to people talk about stuff lol people are weird
One of my weirder experiences in my college years was walking home from one of my retail jobs, one that was unfortunately close to a “scene kid” hangout where I found the squealing screaming valley girls loitering around insufferably loud and I hated having to clean up the restroom after they regularly trashed it, often ten at a time… and there they were, rolling up and honking and squealing at me.
And they offered me a ride down the road where I was going. I accepted, squeezing myself into a car packed with scene girls.
They seemed confused that I just sat there, annoyed, but glad to get off my feet for a while. Did they expect me to paw at them or something? I found them annoying, not hot, especially because I was some years older than any of them and the way they carried themselves was gratingly immature.
My lack of interest in them seemed to get them excited, like, I was forbidden fruit or something. Made me more uncomfortable and I politely took my leave once the car went far enough.
They started being nicer to me from then on, even trashing the restroom less while still loitering.
I wouldn’t know, maybe they expected something to happen but lbecause you didn’t do anything maybe they were thankful.
I’d have been the same, I tend to shut down if there is a lot of people. Like I’ll only really talk when spoken to so verbally I would be quiet and it would be misread as there something wrong lol. Depending on the people I would typically sit and happily listen to what goes on or listen to a radio or something if they were annoying lol I’m generally polite regardless.
Literally me 😭😭😭😭
Girl invites me over to watch a movie. I watch the fucking movie and eat a bag of popcorn. Go home.
God this one happened to me and I only realized the fumble I’d made like two years after the fact 'cause she was like. The homie, we’d often take our breaks and hit the smoke pit at the same time, one time when she’d gone back home for a holiday, she actually brought me back a jar of apple pie moonshine because I’d mentioned never knowing shiners who flavored their stuff-- I just thought she was one of the most considerate besties I’d ever had.
Never mind the fact that I know what tattoos she has and exactly where they are, I just thought she was the homie. Been kickin’ myself ever since.
People ask this because it’s an invitation to eat with someone without the respondant having to admit that they are would like to be fed, which could be consisdered as implying that their host or whatever is being negligent to the needs of their guest. It is a little silly. But, and I am a ND person who has learned a lot of this by trial and error, there are deep instinctual behaviors that these rituals are about. I’m not here to say whether or not any of this is good or not, but especially the rules about hospitality strike me as things that got ingrained into culture in order to make common uncomfortable situations more reliable by the means of rituals that people follow or don’t, indicating whether or not they’re someone who is going to play their prescribed role - this is maybe why there are often many ritual refusals and acceptances. It’s a way to play-act giving someone something that historically might have been precious and if they don’t play along, you can weed out people who are likely to take advantage of you. It’s imperfect of course and not considerant of neuroatypical people, but it just kind of had to work well enough to keep going.
It is definitely frustrating to not know ettiquette and I often feel like throwing all of it out in favor of a more direct system. Sometimes I do! But for the rest of the time, I find that ettiquette manuals are super helpful, especially when they explain the reasoning behind otherwise inscrutable rituals.
Bad news: sometimes this is just small talk and the only way to tell the difference is tone of voice and context.
Or as they say in my neck of the woods: “didjyeet?”
I can get it down to djeat
Wow I’m allistic and I didn’t even realize those two haha. I mean, if I ask “are you hungry” and the answer is no, I’ll just be like “well do you wanna come with me to get food” if that’s what I’m asking lol
TIL