They were found in gutters, on streets, in bushes. They were boarded on trains, deserted in hospitals, dumped at temples. They were sent away for being sick or outliving paychecks or simply growing too old.
By the time they reached this home for the aged and unwanted, many were too numb to speak. Some took months to mouth the truth of how they came to spend their final days in exile.
“They said, ‘Taking care of him is not our cup of tea,’” says Amirchand Sharma, 65, a retired policeman whose sons left him to die near the river after he was badly hurt in an accident. “They said, ‘Throw him away.’”
In its traditions, in its religious tenets and in its laws, India has long cemented the belief that it is a child’s duty to care for his aging parents. But in a land known for revering its elderly, a secret shame has emerged: A burgeoning population of older people abandoned by their own families.
This is a country where grandparents routinely share a roof with children and grandchildren, and where the expectation that the young care for the old is so ingrained in the national ethos that nursing homes are a relative rarity and hiring caregivers is often seen as taboo. But expanding lifespans have brought ballooning caregiving pressure, a wave of urbanization has driven many young far from their home villages and a creeping Western influence has begun eroding the tradition of multigenerational living.
Courtrooms swell with thousands of cases of parents seeking help from their children. Footpaths and alleys are crowded with older people who now call them home. And a cottage industry of nonprofits for the abandoned has sprouted, operating a constantly growing number of shelters that continually fill.
Makes one wonder just how shitty were these elders to their children and grandchildren?
Yeah the things that the elders say sound like typical narcissist parent quotes. "[My kids abandoned me because] they said ‘Taking care of him is not our cup of tea.” That’s sounds extremely unlikely. I would guess you didn’t want to hear the very justified exact reasons why they didn’t want you in their life anymore.
If my mother wasn’t a terrible person, a liar, and a manipulator, I wouldn’t have abandoned her when she finally broke the camels back.
Yep, check out The Missing Missing Reasons
Whose responsibility was it to help that be their cup of tea?
I haven’t spoken to my parents in over a decade. They are really shitty people.
I have entertained myself reviewed nursing homes looking for the one with the absolute worst reviews for them to finish their lives at.
This. If my parents hadn’t been gracious enough to die painfully from cancer, this would have been the next option.
Not all elders deserve support, respect or compassion.
“Then we’ll put you in the crooked home we saw on 60 Minutes!”
Yeah, any guesses on the shitty kids:shitty parents:shitty both ratio?
Partly this and it’s the Western way. Leave your elders in a home, except [in India] they can’t afford a home so they go to the streets.
No one would leave their parents on the streets if they had a good relationship with them. At the very least they would let them live in their homes.
Presuming the children have the means to support their parents and their immediate family.
If not, a tough decision must be made.
I didn’t say you would be able to provide the care they need, but if you love them, you would always find some space in your home so they are not on the street.
What about the children who can only afford a bedroom. Tough luck I guess.
No matter how small a place is I imagine you would always figure out some space for your parents instead of sending them to the streets.
You might not be able to provide adequate help they need, but I think if you love your parents you wouldn’t let them stay on the street.
Literally for most of history the peasant home was one room. Grandparents, parents and their 5 surviving children were all crammed in there at night. Privacy was not a thing. What I mean is, there’s a long way to fall before true necessity comes into the picture, and as things get worse families tend to stick together more.
You have a whole lot of faith in people.
Yeah, I’m going to echo the other poster. Our cultural maladaptations might be a good excuse, but you have to know what’s actually going to happen to mom on some level.
Fun fact, it’s becoming more common to live with extended family in the West, mostly just because life is getting too expensive otherwise.
In the west we emphasize the unnatural independence of our babies (e.g. cry it out) leading to adults who have unnatural detachments to their parents, leaving them in homes. That’s only part of it though. Also children who are growing up to realize that they are not obliged to keeping their abusive parents in their lives.
Now that’s too far in the opposite direction. Cultures are kind of random; presumably lots of other cultures have attitudes towards infant care that are similar, or even less “attentive”. I forget which Native culture around here had the trick where you mess with your baby’s nose so they stop crying altogether.
I suspect it’s less child psychology and more recent history. Traditionally, extended families often lived together in the West too. It just went away during the 20th century due to a confluence of ideological emphasis on the nuclear family and enough money sloshing around the common classes for people to actually implement that.
If what you’re saying is that it stems from capitalism, then yes. I agree that’s the root cause and the rest are symptoms.
You don’t live in the west, do you?
Edited my original comment. Does your comment still stand?
The biggest reason for putting parents in an elderly home here in the West is because these elders require constant medical care that their kids can’t provide.
“That their kids can’t provide” needs to be explained. Often it means they don’t have time or desire to.
From the post, “They were sent away for being sick, Or outliving paychecks, or simply growing too old.”
Same situation in US, except we have social security. Old people get sent to homes for being sick or too old all the time.
People suffering from dementia require around the clock specialized care. That’s something a person that isn’t educated in that field can’t give. And since dementia is on the rise it’s the number one reason why old people are put into a care home. At least in my country. In my country the stereo typical retirement home doesn’t exist anymore. Most old people stay in their own home and they get help at home by a professional and family members. They won’t be send into a home unless they require around the clock care.
No it doesn’t really. Their kids cannot provide it. That’s that?
They could provide it, but they don’t want to sacrifice their personal time.
Retirement homes ≠ being discarded on the streets though, does it?
You can’t blame teh west for every failing of eastern culture. Apples to figs.
Cultural similarities do not include financial aspects. They could have adopted the cultural aspect but do not have the same financial benefits, so they’re on the streets. Why is this being debated? People offended cuz they put their parents in homes?
Ah okay, so it’s the same until you look at the details at which point it becomes extremely differentiated.
Lmao.
No it is the same in many ways. If they’re sick or too old they go to a home except in India they can’t afford a home so they go to the streets. Same happens here but less so.