negativity about being trans, fears of transphobia
I am just so, so scared of being trans. It can’t be. I’m terrified. More scared then I’ve ever been before.
This is going to be so hard. People aren’t going to understand. They’ll hate me. They’ll descriminate against me. They’ll see me as some nasty pervert. With America getting more mask off by the day, am I going to even have care in the future? Why would they do that to me. Why are grown adults so awful.
dysphoria
I’m huge. I’m tall and fat. It’ll be obvious to everyone who I really am. I feel like an imposter. A fake. A wolf in sheeps clothes. That’s how people will see me too.
si
I’d rather kill myself then be someone I hate being. Oh god that’s a really trans thought. Am I really trans hexbear. Please tell me this is a bad dream. I’m going to wake up and be cis. I’m going to be happy with who I am and not want to be a girl. The nightmare is going to end.
Sorry for making this all about me I know my fears of bad things happening aren’t as important as the actual bad things that have actually happened to all of you.
take a step back for a moment. Don’t think about labels or gender or dysphoria for a moment. You can come back to those things later. Don’t think about the future for a moment.
Acknowledge that you are experiencing anxiety / panic right now. You are not in any danger at the moment. You’re safe. You are worried about a hypothetical situation that you keep replaying in your head. Note how often you use the future tense in your post. These are things in the future that might maybe could possibly happen, but they aren’t happening to you now.
Try to focus on your immediate surroundings instead of yourself. You’re safe, and you’re the same person you were yesterday. Just breath and look outward.
I want to push back on some of the things that you think will happen because I think you’re catastrophizing. It’s important to have realistic views that aren’t cognitive distortions.
spoiler
This is going to be so hard.
Yeah, it will be. But it will also be fun, exciting, euphoric, and fulfilling.
People aren’t going to understand
A lot of people won’t. A lot of people will. It’s important to find that second group and be around them.
They’ll descriminate against me. They’ll see me as some nasty pervert.
Yup. But that’s why it’s important to hang out with the second group. Play your cards right and you may never have to deal with the first group.
When you’re overwhelmed with anxiety, it’s important to recognize what you have control over and what you don’t. You’re right- a lot of people are going to be hostile towards you. However, you have agency over where you can place yourself and who you surround yourself with. Try to think about what is within your power to change and then start working towards it.
For me, I’m not going to be totally publicly queer for another two years at least. I can’t be who I want to be in my current position. However, I have a plan, and I’m working towards it.
It’s important to find that second group and be around them.
I know, I need better irl people. I just fear my family, who I love very much, is much more in the first group. At least I hope most of them aren’t openly hostile, but they definitely won’t understand and definitely will think I’m going to hell. And they’ll teach my younger siblings the same thing. I am just so sad about that right now.
I don’t feel like I have any power :kitty-cri: I feel like a bottle lost at sea. Although I imagine you’re in a similar bottle to me.
it will also be fun, exciting, euphoric, and fulfilling.
I don’t feel like I have any power I feel like a bottle lost at sea. Although I imagine you’re in a similar bottle to me.
I said this exact same thing to my therapist last week haha. Except I used the past tense. That’s because I found my sea legs! It’s possible for you to find yours too in a very short amount of time.
I just fear my family, who I love very much, is much more in the first group. At least I hope most of them aren’t openly hostile, but they definitely won’t understand and definitely will think I’m going to hell.
I went NC with the majority of my family pretty much right after moving out, like, forever ago. so, unfortunately, I don’t have any advice for you to navigate an unsupportive family. However, I’m sure many of the other hexbears here have dealt with it, and they should give you some insight
No problem! I paid for years of therapy so you don’t have to! (Even though you are)
So, for me, my sea legs came from recognizing a few things:
Confidence and control. I recognized that I don’t have control over a lot of the things I feel. Panic, dysphoria, depression, etc. but I do have control over how I interpret those sensations and how I want to cope with them. I’m terms of anxiety, recognizing harmful thoughts and reinterpreting them to make them harmless is really important.
Acceptance and love. I decided I need to accept whatever I am. Am I a cis guy? Okay, I love myself. Am I a trans woman? Okay, I love myself. If I transition will I be ugly? Okay, I love myself. Will I make permanent changes to my body that I’ll regret? Okay, I love myself. Are these gender feelings I’m having all a manifestation of mental illness? Okay, I love myself. Is this just some sexual perversion I’m acting out? Okay, I love myself.
I found that once I just accepted myself for who I am WITHOUT JUDGEMENT (this is huge!) that a lot of the above negative thoughts just kind of dissolved. That above list could be a lot longer-- I had so many, but no matter what the answer is, I still deserve to be loved. So do you.
I hope you can find that for yourself soon
PS: I found reading queer lit helped me because it gave me a framework to understand my feelings by listening to other people who went through it. I might recommend checking some out
Like, obviously our situations are different, but like I didn’t even wear facial hair and I look so fundamentally different from before I started transition. I don’t get gendered correctly most of the time but hey I’m so much happier than before with who I am.
Generally, idt people will see you as a nasty pervert. It can definitely feel that way. I had every single fear you listed here before transition. I still have some of them around people not seeing me especially with family. But the way I’ve gotten past all of it is literally just like… Going and doing it, and realizing people don’t care. People are so much more worried about their own lives than whatever you’re doing.
I know you don’t believe it’s true but things will get better. There are no rules for this though and you can do it however you want. You can get on estrogen and start laser if you want. There’s no timeline. Things will get better though.
Fwiw I know a girl who is 6’3 and quite large and she gets misgendered like one time a year. Turns out that having facial fat already built in actually makes you pretty andro. I saw a picture of her beforehand today and she’s unrecognizable from what she looked like before
Really they will. If you happen to live in California lmk, we can get things like FFS covered through insurance which is a game changer. Same with laser hair removal and ofc hrt and stuff
negativity about being trans, fears of transphobia
I am just so, so scared of being trans. It can’t be. I’m terrified. More scared then I’ve ever been before.
This is going to be so hard. People aren’t going to understand. They’ll hate me. They’ll descriminate against me. They’ll see me as some nasty pervert. With America getting more mask off by the day, am I going to even have care in the future? Why would they do that to me. Why are grown adults so awful.
dysphoria
I’m huge. I’m tall and fat. It’ll be obvious to everyone who I really am. I feel like an imposter. A fake. A wolf in sheeps clothes. That’s how people will see me too.
si
I’d rather kill myself then be someone I hate being. Oh god that’s a really trans thought. Am I really trans hexbear. Please tell me this is a bad dream. I’m going to wake up and be cis. I’m going to be happy with who I am and not want to be a girl. The nightmare is going to end.
Sorry for making this all about me I know my fears of bad things happening aren’t as important as the actual bad things that have actually happened to all of you.
As am experienced anxiety haver,
take a step back for a moment. Don’t think about labels or gender or dysphoria for a moment. You can come back to those things later. Don’t think about the future for a moment.
Acknowledge that you are experiencing anxiety / panic right now. You are not in any danger at the moment. You’re safe. You are worried about a hypothetical situation that you keep replaying in your head. Note how often you use the future tense in your post. These are things in the future that might maybe could possibly happen, but they aren’t happening to you now.
Try to focus on your immediate surroundings instead of yourself. You’re safe, and you’re the same person you were yesterday. Just breath and look outward.
Thank you, that helps a lot :meow-hug: I am feeling much calmer now.
a little more fear posting
They are things that will happen, once this secret gets out. I’m no good at keeping secrets anymore either. I already told one person, you know that.
I want to push back on some of the things that you think will happen because I think you’re catastrophizing. It’s important to have realistic views that aren’t cognitive distortions.
spoiler
Yeah, it will be. But it will also be fun, exciting, euphoric, and fulfilling.
A lot of people won’t. A lot of people will. It’s important to find that second group and be around them.
Yup. But that’s why it’s important to hang out with the second group. Play your cards right and you may never have to deal with the first group.
When you’re overwhelmed with anxiety, it’s important to recognize what you have control over and what you don’t. You’re right- a lot of people are going to be hostile towards you. However, you have agency over where you can place yourself and who you surround yourself with. Try to think about what is within your power to change and then start working towards it.
For me, I’m not going to be totally publicly queer for another two years at least. I can’t be who I want to be in my current position. However, I have a plan, and I’m working towards it.
I know, I need better irl people. I just fear my family, who I love very much, is much more in the first group. At least I hope most of them aren’t openly hostile, but they definitely won’t understand and definitely will think I’m going to hell. And they’ll teach my younger siblings the same thing. I am just so sad about that right now.
I don’t feel like I have any power :kitty-cri: I feel like a bottle lost at sea. Although I imagine you’re in a similar bottle to me.
I really hope so :cri:
I said this exact same thing to my therapist last week haha. Except I used the past tense. That’s because I found my sea legs! It’s possible for you to find yours too in a very short amount of time.
I went NC with the majority of my family pretty much right after moving out, like, forever ago. so, unfortunately, I don’t have any advice for you to navigate an unsupportive family. However, I’m sure many of the other hexbears here have dealt with it, and they should give you some insight
Or else
Where are my sea legs :cri: where were yours at? Maybe I can look there. A very short amount of time would be very good for me.
Sorry your family sucks :/
Thanks again, you really helped me earlier (and in general!)
No problem! I paid for years of therapy so you don’t have to! (Even though you are)
So, for me, my sea legs came from recognizing a few things:
Confidence and control. I recognized that I don’t have control over a lot of the things I feel. Panic, dysphoria, depression, etc. but I do have control over how I interpret those sensations and how I want to cope with them. I’m terms of anxiety, recognizing harmful thoughts and reinterpreting them to make them harmless is really important.
Acceptance and love. I decided I need to accept whatever I am. Am I a cis guy? Okay, I love myself. Am I a trans woman? Okay, I love myself. If I transition will I be ugly? Okay, I love myself. Will I make permanent changes to my body that I’ll regret? Okay, I love myself. Are these gender feelings I’m having all a manifestation of mental illness? Okay, I love myself. Is this just some sexual perversion I’m acting out? Okay, I love myself.
I found that once I just accepted myself for who I am WITHOUT JUDGEMENT (this is huge!) that a lot of the above negative thoughts just kind of dissolved. That above list could be a lot longer-- I had so many, but no matter what the answer is, I still deserve to be loved. So do you.
I hope you can find that for yourself soon
PS: I found reading queer lit helped me because it gave me a framework to understand my feelings by listening to other people who went through it. I might recommend checking some out
I’ve definitely been there.
spoiler
Like, obviously our situations are different, but like I didn’t even wear facial hair and I look so fundamentally different from before I started transition. I don’t get gendered correctly most of the time but hey I’m so much happier than before with who I am.
Generally, idt people will see you as a nasty pervert. It can definitely feel that way. I had every single fear you listed here before transition. I still have some of them around people not seeing me especially with family. But the way I’ve gotten past all of it is literally just like… Going and doing it, and realizing people don’t care. People are so much more worried about their own lives than whatever you’re doing.
I know you don’t believe it’s true but things will get better. There are no rules for this though and you can do it however you want. You can get on estrogen and start laser if you want. There’s no timeline. Things will get better though.
Fwiw I know a girl who is 6’3 and quite large and she gets misgendered like one time a year. Turns out that having facial fat already built in actually makes you pretty andro. I saw a picture of her beforehand today and she’s unrecognizable from what she looked like before
This is so huge. It’s a major breakthrough in anyone’s transition tbh
It is genuinely unbelievable to me the transformations I’ve seen. I just can’t imagine that being me.
I really hope so :meow-hug:
Really they will. If you happen to live in California lmk, we can get things like FFS covered through insurance which is a game changer. Same with laser hair removal and ofc hrt and stuff
Unfortunately I’m not, covering all that would be such a burden off my shoulders.
❤️