The ND-radar is real.
There are so many undiagnosed people walking around just wondering why they can’t seem to get their life together the way NTs expect them to, blaming themselves for it. I try to promote self-acceptance in the broadest sense and see what happens.
Wow, that last sentence really hit home for me. Maybe one day I’ll get my life together… one day…
Yes, my psychiatrist told me how his adult patients had some patterns in their lives. I started to pay attention and I can’t believe how similar our stories can be. Anecdotes that are the same, the same challenges… Now I can kindly suggest an evaluation when I see someone struggling 👍.
Edit: I just realized I posted on the autism community. I am not autistic, sorry. I hope it’s okay.
It’s a community to discuss autism and autism related issues, not an exclusive club for autists, so your perspective is welcome :)
Yeah, there’s already an exclusive club for autistics, it’s my friend circle apparently
Secondary club: Factorio LAN.
I say self acceptance, as in love and forgive yourself, but also self-improvement, as in practice useful skills and habits a little bit each day to transform what one is capable of.
in many cases autism is what makes me such a good worker
The ability to hyperfocus on a problem to the detriment of my relationships and physical health is definitely something employers value
not enough, I’d like to be paid proportional to the exploitation of my self sabotage
Hazard pay.
Except for when they value pivoting 8 times a day.
Oh yeah, I’m real bad at pivoting. Both literally and figuratively, because I’m autistic and I can’t walk.
“I think I’m autistic”.
“After all the effort I took to beat you into pretending you’re normal?”
This hits home hard.
My mom (says she) is still in therapy because when I was young I didn’t cooperate with the therapy she wanted for me. As a kid I didn’t understand that of course. So despite doing therapy it was always about her, not about me, and I didn’t get any kind of diagnosis because she pulled the plug before that could happen. Kind of a shitty thing to find out a few decades later.
Remind her that you’ll forget her in a retirement home or something so she realizes she fucked up
It actually happened yesterday in a short chat. I’ve already had a feeling something was wrong, because she has been gaslighting me for years. But I wanted (needed) to know what happened at the therapist(s) in the 90s. All those docs have been destroyed, the referring GP is dead. I live abroad, it’s hard to get access to anything and everything is either empty or closed off.
Finally the narcissism came through, shining bright in 1 short message.
Edit: Forgot to say, that I won’t weep.
Hmm, wait I am confused. Did you let her know that she fucked up and she’s on her own or did you find out why the psychologist sessions were cancelled back then? 😅
Sorry for the ambiguity. Not that this post is gonna make it any better, but I’ve tried.
Just last weekend she told me she cancelled those sessions in the 90s. I didn’t retaliate yet because I am better than that. But it was news to me.
The last few years we had hardly contact, because I already knew she was manipulating me and other people. I’ve been living abroad since 2011 and I haven’t seen her since 2017, but once a year we’d call or chat via WhatsApp.
There’s more to the story of course; like my little brother who seems unaware of her evil spirit and our dad who she divorced because he is (undiagnosed) autistic, and he is actually doing better now.
I am not the only one who has “issues” with her for weird reasons. Her last boyfriend hanged himself on the swing at the little playground in front of her house. He took her to visit me in 2017. He wasn’t square though: alcohol, drugs, crime. I can only imagine what she’s been telling him for that to be the last drop in the bucket. I’m not gonna be a victim of her.
This world is messed up. Some people who shouldn’t be parents end up being parents and ruining the lives of other people :( I hope things end up well
Thank you for your kind words.
I met a friend with autism when we worked together years ago. One day he came to me and said “I’ve been talking to some people and doing some tests and it looks like I might have autism.”
I looked at him for a few seconds and said “wait, you didn’t know?”
“You knew and didn’t say anything?!”
“Well I thought you knew! It’s not really casual work chat ‘hey man, how was your weekend? BTW looks like you’re a bit autistic’”I have a similar thing with a friend. He’s mid 30s and at that point I am very sure he is on the spectrum. But I don’t know how to speak to him about it because I think he doesn’t know. He had a lot of difficulties in life, both social and academic, and it feels like it could go one of three ways. Either he will be surprised, look into it, and finally make sense of everything. Or he will be surprised and then be even sadder because someone saw him as autistic. Or he actually does know and will be sad that it is so obvious that I noticed.
First of all - don’t think of autism as a bad thing. It’s a perfectly normal (and even valuable) way for someone’s brain to be wired.
Second, a kind and casual way of approaching it is “Hey, have you ever been checked for ADHD or autism?” It’s especially useful if they bring up any of the usual difficulties that ND folks experience far more often than our NT peers.
That’s really not true beyond the mildest of mild cases. I worked with autistic adults and it really was not helping them.
Yea, exactly. It’s a tough one, but I do often wonder if I should have mentioned something
I’m not one for self diagnosis, so rather than saying I think I’m autistic or have ADHD or depression, I just acknowledge that I exhibit so many traits associated with those things that if I didn’t have some combination of them, I would be flabbergasted
Yes, so if something is yellow and quacks, it exhibits so many traits commonly assiciated with a duck, that I would be suprised if it wasn’t a duck.
…ducks aren’t typically yellow.
THE DUCKS IN MY MIND ARE. Hmpf…
quack
And those that are aren’t for long.
Why use more word when less do job
Less sometimes misleading
Extra words to disambiguate meaning down to one possible interpretation are energy-savers, not energy-wasters.
Nailing down each meaning precisely by the end of each sentence leads to writing and speech that takes very little energy to interpret, leaving more of the listener’s attention available for the processing of the next sentence.
The author or speaker should figure the shit out completely so the audience doesn’t have to waste their own mental resources doing so.
The author or speaker should figure the shit out completely so the audience doesn’t have to waste their own mental resources doing so.
Don’t make the poor audience think. Where would society be if we required ordinary people to think themselves!
(/s/2)
But anyway, nicely put. When I saw the length of your reply, and in this context, I expected much pointless verbiage. But it was well put.
Thank you! My verbosity is vindicated! Verily.
ADHD.
There it is.
Fun story: Apparently basically everyone in my family highly suspected it but I never got referred for an assessment when I was younger because my mum thought all children acted like that. So whenever I was telling people about my diagnosis they really weren’t surprised 🤣
(I love my mum, she did what she thought was best given the circumstances, and that’s okay)
My mom told me when I got diagnosed as an adult that they suspected it when I was a kid, but never had me tested because my speech development wasn’t delayed. In fact I was unusually well-spoken for someone my age as a child. What they didn’t realize is that this is the main distinction between the former Asperger’s diagnosis and the former “high functioning autism” diagnosis.
Yeah my first sentence is an oft-mentioned story because I rarely spoke at all, then said “please pass the margarine” at a family dinner.
Never tested though lol
Sounds like my kid, who is diagnosed AuDHD and did this exact thing.
No Shit!?
Validating af. Thank you :)
A psychologist at a separate occasion once told my mum that it might be a good idea to have me assessed. Never happened, though I don’t blame her, she had a lot of stuff to deal with herself.
It’s kind of a joke at family gatherings that most of us are on the spectrum.
My mom was just like “do you think you could get more scholarships with an official diagnosis?” after mentioning a friend suggested I was autistic. Don’t think I’ve ever had someone doubt it. Guess I’m just too weird. 😨
I like how practical your mom is lol
Those student loans are no joke.
Perhaps she’s on t’spectrum.
The same day I got my diagnosis (in my 40s) I told both of my parents.
My Mom’s response: “Well, I always knew you were special!”
My Dad’s response: “That’s bullshit!”
Because:
- neurotypicals think it’s an insult
- neurotypicals won’t acknowledge a fact that could be insulting, unless their intension is to insult someone
- seeing it as an insult leads to them thinking you’re insulting yourself
- they think you’re looking for validation by asking for a self-insult-countering from them
They think it’s this convesation:
“I’m no good”
“I think you’re great”
“No I really think I’m no good”
“No I really think you’re great”
“Aww thanks you’re such a good friend” <-- this part is missing for themThen you failing to acknowledge their support gets interpreted as an insult to them.
I know, it’s exhausting. But we just gotta keep an open mind and remember that neurotypicals can be great friends and productive members of society with a little understanding and love
But we just gotta keep an open mind and remember that neurotypicals can be great friends and productive members of society with a little understanding and love
😆 Nice. 👍
As a (I assume) neurotypical person, this seems somewhat insulting to me. I like to think I’m a very conscientious person and have a reasonable understanding of neurodiversity - I don’t think I’d respond in the ways portrayed in this cartoon.
That said the cartoon itself I found amusing, but your comment seemingly to paint us all with such a broadbrush seems insulting.
Does nobody /s on Lemmy?
I too have an upward facing triangle mouth.
(`-ㅿ-´)
In a conversation my wife implied that I was autistic. I never thought of myself as someone who was. It had never been something I considered previously until up to about a year ago mainly because I’m not a very social person and so I found labeling myself to be unproductive, uninteresting. It doesn’t help me at work or in my home projects. I understand that that’s a naïve point of view because we can learn from the experiences of others, but it was my point of view at the time.
I asked her about that comment later and it was returned with an oh honey you poor thing… I know you are with certainty because I am one too. You’d have to be blind not to see that.
It’s not so much being blind as it is having built an identity and seeing a lot of people checking the marks. It wasn’t until many years after having been diagnosed that I started realizing that many of the people who had been either my closest friends or partners were likely also autistic, after I had gotten a more ample experience of what the spectrum was, distanced from the stereotypes and extreme cases that I had been shown when I was first diagnosed.
I can usually tell from the rarely looking at me when they speak, having an unusual depth of knowledge on weird facts, or problems with competitive games. My stepson was ASD. That also helped.
What’re the issues with competitive games?
I can’t speak for them (obviously), but I hate competing because I feel guilty if I win and a failure if I lose
Fucking hell. Yes. And if we lose and I know I wasn’t giving it 100% focus I feel even worse.
Interesting. I remember intentionally slowing to come second in a race when I was younger.
Oof. I hope you can get over that to some degree. I did and when I realized competitive games are just fun, it’s so much fun I can’t believe it.
I think the trick is to play against people of the same skill level, or if playing with someone of a different skill level give them or yourself a handicap to make it a good even game. Or, if they’re a different skill level and refuse to allow a handicap to make it even, just don’t play it with them.
The culturally accepted thing is to handicap oneself clandestinely, to let the other person win sometimes, to make it seem even. But autistics tend to be worse at that kind of thing.
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I figured out I was on the spectrum in my late 20’s. A few years later we learned that my young nephew was diagnosed with it as well.
I’m now realizing that about half of my aunts and uncles on my mother’s side tend to be quirky loners. My sister herself (autistic nephew’s mother) has some serious personality quirks of her own that could be attributed to being in the spectrum.
Knowing that genetics can increase the probability of being on the spectrum, I’m starting to wonder if I’m the only one to suspect how widespread it could be in the family. I don’t know what to do with that information.
I think I am autistic
You do have 12GB of pepes…
If it makes you feel any better, I was diagnosed almost 20 years ago and people still do not fully believe it. I’m going to be 36 this year…
