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  • lilypad [she/her, null/void]@hexbear.net
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    11 months ago
    Been having a rough time of it lately.

    My brain doesnt work good; i cant fulfill the prerequisites for existence in this world. Im trying to find a job and housing, but it just doesnt work in my brain.

    And how can i live with other people? “Hi potential roomie, i would love to live with you! Oh and btw i might get random intense mood swings, see things once in a while and then insist we have no standing water in the house cause thats how she gets in and I dont want to experience her right now, but wait an hour and everything will be fine again. etc. etc.” like who tf wants to live with a crazy person whose only tangentially connected to reality?

    And even beyond that, my brain doesnt work right. I know I have to do things, but i cant do them. Whether fun things or not, i think about them constantly, feeling terrible im not doing them, and still dont do them. I just dont function. I have housing until the end of march, but after that im not sure what will happen. I was confident I could find somewhere to live by then, but the people in my life are saying ive already failed at it, and tbh theyre not wrong. Im just not capable. It took me 1½ months to fix my social security and drivers license. It should have taken a week, max. Idk, im just kinda done trying. I try and I fail, if i dont try i fail, all roads lead to rome.

    Anyway, idk how thats related to being trans, aside from that im trans.

    Besides all that I have some friends who are nice, they keep me sane. Gonna hopefully expand my social circle a bit this week, but might crash out at the last second cause of the aforementioned brain not working right.

    I hope everyone else is having a better time of things. Sorry for bringing everything down 😓