I hope its ok for me to make this post. F1NN5TER is coming out as genderfluid. He still prefers He/him pronouns but is ok with any pronouns. Good for him. He is also coming out as bisexual.

    • whoops@hexbear.netEnglish
      30·
      7 months ago

      I do not like Twitch streamers but I have seen 100s of hours of F1nn videos. I was obsessed enough that I probably can’t be cis and straight. Not sure if I want to be him or do him or something else.

        • whoops@hexbear.netEnglish
          19·
          7 months ago

          Maybe, but I realized a while ago that I would never transition or risk dating a guy, so there’s no point even thinking about it. If I introspected and it turned out I was trans, I’d just be sadder

          • Raebxeh@hexbear.netEnglish
            20·
            7 months ago

            I feel this. Gender introspection usually involves digging up a lot repressed pain. It’s not something that is universally positive for all people at all points in their life. I think if you’re in an otherwise safe position to do the work, it’s almost always positive. But plenty of people have good and enduring reasons for the repression they’ve done. Regardless of what the result of that introspection might be for you, I’m sorry you don’t feel safe enough to really think about it. Shit sucks. I’m still boymoding the vast majority of the time but I do not envy the version of myself that didn’t know.

          • silent_water [she/her]@hexbear.netMEnglish
            8·
            7 months ago

            I’m not going to lie and tell you there’s no risk or pain. what I can tell you is that there are much more fulfilling relationships and genuine happiness on the other side. I connected with myself in ways that transcend words and ultimately healed a world of trauma I was bearing and hiding from the world. so yes, there’s sadness, pain, and risk, but exploring it anyway is so worth the cost.

            • whoops@hexbear.netEnglish
              7·
              7 months ago

              I think what set off my recent questioning was not the jokey things like a youtube femboy, but hearing stories from trans people about their lives before and after coming out.

              For example, someone posted a video here that was an analysis of some anime through a trans lens. I have no interest in anime, but it sucked me in with how vivid the description was. The descriptions she gave of her life before transitioning resonated sharply with me. The feelings of deadness, of not belonging, of repressing. She hit really specific feelings and experiences I had that I couldn’t articulate well myself.

              But then I think about identifying as nb or transitioning. My first thoughts aren’t about safety or fear, they’re just lack of interest. There’s nothing I want to do. I don’t care about body hair or boobs or any physical characteristics. I don’t feel anything if someone uses different pronouns for me. It’s just empty.

              That kinda worries me. I feel like I’m stuck in the before with no after.

              • silent_water [she/her]@hexbear.netMEnglish
                7·
                7 months ago

                ahh this one? I posted it a couple of months back.

                you’re actually speaking to a specific fear I had. I didn’t have any specific desires for boobs or feminization or whatever. so what I did was grab some makeup and did my best to feminize my face. the whole world fell away when I saw my reflection. it was like I unlocked something deep within me. it was genuine ecstasy.

                so if the experiences resonate with you, try experimenting with stuff - your appearance, your pronouns, whatever. hell, you can even try HRT for 2ish weeks - that’s frequently one that elicits strong responses in people. if you find something that really works for you, congrats, you’re trans. if you don’t, you know you’re not trans and can sit easy with the knowledge that you’re cis. it’s all reversible (don’t go past 2 weeks on HRT if you’re not certain) and either way, you can close the uncertainty.

                cheers! cat-trans