I need serious help, comrades. I thought I was doing better, maybe I was lying to myself, maybe I’m insane, I don’t know.

All I know is I’ve spent far too much money on drugs, doing them super often, and in places I shouldn’t be. Anything I could afford.

I’m so down and so dysfunctional that I am struggling to hold down jobs or do much of anything without the aid of being fucked up. Last night I got so demolished (ketamine + weed) that I couldn’t function around my girlfriend. It was embarrassing. I was having full on schizophrenic like experiences and the worst self esteem issues I’ve ever experienced and I realized that I was fucking my life and body up and headed down a very dark path. Said some embarrassing shit too.

I feel like such a loser. Not for finally getting help but for where I put myself and just I don’t know

I’m sorry everyone

If anyone has anything inspirational or anything to say I’d appreciate it because I’m in a spiral right now

I still feel like I’m in the void

Is this forever because it feels like it’s already been forever

  • @panic@lemmygrad.ml
    12•2 years ago

    No idea how healthy it is, but being ashamed of the way I used to be when I was “more mentally ill” has helped me keep in check.

    A lot of the dissociation you’re feeling might be more related to drugs than any organic function of your “natural brain”. So, you’re not crazy and it’s not forever.

    • @TeezyZeezy@lemmygrad.mlOP
      18•2 years ago

      Yeah, I am sure when things are better I will look back with disgust at my lifestyle now.

      That is probably true. I just have been fucked up for most of my waking hours for a while now so it’s hard to remember what it was like not feeling permanently fried.