This sounds a lot like me. Whether I have ADHD is something I’ve been wondering for some time now, but the descriptions of ADHD are always so conflicting to me, because every symptom can be taken as a evidence or counterevidence by changing perspective, partly because of this duality you described.
It’s because ADHD despite it’s name is not a deficit of attention, but the inability to control it. That may be that you change focus all the time but also that you can’t take your focus from something even if you should.
Edit: lolshit wall of text about ADHD of all things. Sorry!
Attention DEFICIT is a misleading term. It’s more an issue of not being able to willingly direct your attention.
That’s why ADHD brains hyperfixate on something and we’re are unable to switch to something else, even though we KNOW we should/want to/have to do the other thing - we can’t direct our attention away from the thing our brains are hyperfixating on.
What sometimes looks like rapid “task switching” is again the inability to direct our attention so it flips around uncontrolled.
This also often leads to a weird state of paralysis where we’re doing absolutely fuck all because we can’t activate our attention properly but we’re yelling at ourselves on the inside to DO THE FUCKING THING YOU FUCKING LAZY SHIT.
For ADHD brains to be able to consciously, actively direct attention, there needs to be some immediate reward. It can’t be some vague reward that might come in the future, like “you won’t have back pain when you’re old (so exercise!)”. That doesn’t work.
For me (and others, I hear), it’s often the thought that others are depending on me doing The Thing. That’s why I was absolutely insanely good at organising shit in my last job - my coworkers depended on me having prepared all kinds of data. Without this reward, I am completely useless at organising stuff.
Unless it’s interesting, of course, which is again an immediate reward.
Does this sound in any way like you?
Edit: and did you have trouble directing your attention to get through this text? :D
This resonates so well with me… First time I’ve read it as “inability to direct attention” and it makes so much sense. So many long sessions looking up random crap on Wikipedia instead of completing tasks, which ultimately only end up taking like 5-30 min usually… And that’s after pushing it back for days or weeks. I’ve not been diagnosed, but often find descriptions and memes hitting a bit too close to home.
I felt this way too before I saw a doctor. I would see posts online about it and relate to them, but I knew social media posts can be inaccurate. I knew that that type of thing targets very generic symptoms to attract more interactions.
I thought everyone was tired and stressed like I can be. I spent a lot of time thinking I was lazy or not good enough because I couldn’t get stuff done that seemed easy for other people.
It wasn’t until my partner suggested I talk to my doctor about it because he saw signs.
Honestly, the best thing you can do is talk to a doctor if you feel like symptoms are disrupting your ability to function. If you’re doing fine, you might not need it! But the best thing I ever did was talk to my doctor about this, anxiety, and a potential sleep related disorder (I’m still working on the latter).
This sounds a lot like me. Whether I have ADHD is something I’ve been wondering for some time now, but the descriptions of ADHD are always so conflicting to me, because every symptom can be taken as a evidence or counterevidence by changing perspective, partly because of this duality you described.
It’s because ADHD despite it’s name is not a deficit of attention, but the inability to control it. That may be that you change focus all the time but also that you can’t take your focus from something even if you should.
Edit: lolshit wall of text about ADHD of all things. Sorry!
Attention DEFICIT is a misleading term. It’s more an issue of not being able to willingly direct your attention.
That’s why ADHD brains hyperfixate on something and we’re are unable to switch to something else, even though we KNOW we should/want to/have to do the other thing - we can’t direct our attention away from the thing our brains are hyperfixating on.
What sometimes looks like rapid “task switching” is again the inability to direct our attention so it flips around uncontrolled.
This also often leads to a weird state of paralysis where we’re doing absolutely fuck all because we can’t activate our attention properly but we’re yelling at ourselves on the inside to DO THE FUCKING THING YOU FUCKING LAZY SHIT.
For ADHD brains to be able to consciously, actively direct attention, there needs to be some immediate reward. It can’t be some vague reward that might come in the future, like “you won’t have back pain when you’re old (so exercise!)”. That doesn’t work.
For me (and others, I hear), it’s often the thought that others are depending on me doing The Thing. That’s why I was absolutely insanely good at organising shit in my last job - my coworkers depended on me having prepared all kinds of data. Without this reward, I am completely useless at organising stuff.
Unless it’s interesting, of course, which is again an immediate reward.
Does this sound in any way like you?
Edit: and did you have trouble directing your attention to get through this text? :D
This resonates so well with me… First time I’ve read it as “inability to direct attention” and it makes so much sense. So many long sessions looking up random crap on Wikipedia instead of completing tasks, which ultimately only end up taking like 5-30 min usually… And that’s after pushing it back for days or weeks. I’ve not been diagnosed, but often find descriptions and memes hitting a bit too close to home.
Just keep in mind each person is impacted differently. Symptoms aren’t one size fits all, and even NTs get some relatable symptoms occasionally.
I felt this way too before I saw a doctor. I would see posts online about it and relate to them, but I knew social media posts can be inaccurate. I knew that that type of thing targets very generic symptoms to attract more interactions.
I thought everyone was tired and stressed like I can be. I spent a lot of time thinking I was lazy or not good enough because I couldn’t get stuff done that seemed easy for other people.
It wasn’t until my partner suggested I talk to my doctor about it because he saw signs.
Honestly, the best thing you can do is talk to a doctor if you feel like symptoms are disrupting your ability to function. If you’re doing fine, you might not need it! But the best thing I ever did was talk to my doctor about this, anxiety, and a potential sleep related disorder (I’m still working on the latter).